"relax, talbott. i've changed my mind," i started but amelia had already slipped through the door. "i will not kill kiran tonight. i'm going to fix him. i will completely heal him so that when i leave, he will not be affected by our lost magic. his poor, weak, pathetic energy will be able to go on living even unconnected to mine."

"i don't want to be fixed," kiran shouted. "i want you!"

"you cannot have me! i am not something to hold and possess, i am a force to be reckoned with!" i screamed at him, unconcerned with staying hidden any longer. i released the healing winds on him violently, the power almost swept him away and wrapped itself around him, severing our connection and healed whatever brokenness remained.

talbott stepped forward, but did not attempt to touch kiran. i could feel his body healing, his magic relaxing its grip against mine and i was suddenly shaken with the effort to remain standing. eventually, the winds subsided, the blue mist scattering to the corners of the room and i relaxed, panting and trembling from the effort.

"there, you won't suffer without me anymore," i gasped.

kiran sat down unsteadily on the bed, looking stronger than ever, but visibly shaken. "maybe physically i won't. but, eden, i will suffer without you. and you without me. my magic might be able to survive on its own now, but i cannot survive without you. whatever has happened between us, we are meant to be together. you can run from me, from us, but you are lying to yourself if you believe differently."

"believe what you want." i smiled indifferently, recovering from the efforts to heal him. "i'm sure your fiancee will be happy you'll make it to her wedding day."

i watched kiran swallow and his eyes shift towards talbott as if he were more than angry at him. the door to the room suddenly burst open and filled quickly with titans ready to fight.

"yes, a wedding, my father's idea," he lied, holding up his hands to stay the titan guard. "you can have until then to change your mind. i will wait for you until that day, but i will not be able to stop the ceremony, if you wait too long. do not be mistaken, beloved, i will forever love you. and you are only wasting time until you are with me again."

"the next time i am with you, kiran, i will not forget why i have come," i promised menacingly.

the titan guard moved as one unit forward, some pulling at my magic, others firing lightning bolts of electricity at me. i turned my back on them, understanding i would not be able to win this fight and sprinted through the balcony door, across the patio and over the stone railing.

i jumped without fear, allowing the magic full reign of my senses. i fell in a crumpled heap against the cold, wet grass. surging the magic quickly to heal my body before i was up again and running. guards all around me, were more spread out down on the ground and i landed in front of them without warning.

i used magic, sending a few flying backwards and into anything i could find. i stole magic from them when possible, but now a hundred guards descended on me and i was more concerned with fleeing than sticking around to see if i could win against that many.

i reached the tunnel next to the pool house and turned around for a split second to destroy the entrance, exploding the concrete walls into heavy debris. with full use of my magic, sprinting the awkward tunnel created no problem now and with a fast dial of the cell phone in my pocket, i shouted instructions to jericho expecting them to be waiting for me on the opposite side.

my plan backfired. honestly, i knew that it always would. i was never going there to kill him. i always intended to heal him. i was weak. i was dishonest with myself and i let my naivety blind me.

but no more. the next time we met, i would not be caught off guard and struggling to breathe. i would be standing over his dead body.

chapter nineteen

"drive! go!" i shouted as soon as i was inside the car; gabriel took off before the door even closed. we had borrowed a small but incredibly fast mini cooper from the owner of the flat and as i struggled to right myself in the tiny backseat, the questions started to come.

"is he dead?" jericho asked with a raised voice, magic surging protectively around the car.

"what happened?" gabriel inquired more calmly, while he weaved in and out of traffic expertly. i glanced at him skeptically, still picturing him more as a hit man than clergyman in his traditional priestly clothing.

"i don't know what happened!" i shouted back. my tone and manner were both uncalled for, but i was frustrated and angry with myself. i slammed my back against the leather seat and glared out the window. "he's not dead. in fact, somehow, instead of killing him, i may have.... i may have healed him...." i trailed off quietly, refusing to look either man in the face.

"you may have what?" jericho turned on me. his expression confirmed complete confusion and disbelief.

"the prince is still alive? and healthy?" gabriel questioned. he glanced back at me in the darkened car, his orange eyes flared with anger as if they were on fire.

"like i said, i don't know what happened," i said softly, frustration getting the best of me. i didn't want to explain my actions to them, i didn't want to admit aloud that i couldn't kill him, and worst of all i couldn't even bear to watch him suffer.

"i need to know exactly what happened," jericho said coolly.

"ok, it wasn't as easy as we thought it was going to be. first of all," i lied, but pushed through the guilt, "there were titans everywhere and talbott was inside the room with him and amelia was there. and i didn't expect her to be there. and i made a promise to sebastian that i would kill her and then i was confused and then my magic, the blue magic, the, the wind-magic healed him and i couldn't stop it and then i had to just run and that's basically, the whole story," i rambled on and on, not making cohesive sentences or even convincing lies. i was a mess.

"eden, relax, everything will be all right. we will find another opportunity," gabriel said soothingly and his words helped bring me back from edge of breakdown.

"we have to; we have to find another opportunity. i can't go on living with him also.... living," i growled, pushing the blame of tonight's failure onto kiran.

"eden, have you ever killed a man before?" gabriel asked, and his question felt unwarranted and unnecessary.

"no, not completely," i admitted.

nothing more was said the entire way home. i could feel jericho's concern, his radiating protective spirit, but something more triggered his quietude. he was jealous. his hope for the fall of the crowned prince went deeper than starting the monarchy over. he hoped for the death of the despised bond that tied kiran and i together. i wondered for a moment if he knew how hard it would be for me.

"when will we need to leave?" i asked as gabriel parked in the underground parking lot hidden from the street and connected to the london flat.

"eden, you tell us," jericho snapped. "you're the one running this show."

"damn it jericho, what the hell is your problem?" i half shouted, scrambling out of the car after him.

"my problem is that.... that...." instead of finishing his sentence, he grunted and threw his hands up in the air. "i was just hoping for a different outcome tonight. we all were."

"yes, we all were, including me." i couldn't take jericho's attitude right now. too many other emotions competed for my attention. "if i could, i would take this whole godforsaken night back. believe me." if i hadn't insisted on coming here, if i hadn't been so eager to be the one to kill kiran, he would in all likelihood be dead by now. i couldn't say that out loud, but the thought alone made me sick to my stomach, both because i wanted him completely out of my life and because a small part of me, a very small part of me, was thankful he wasn't.

"and it's more than about tonight," jericho continued, turning on me in the stairwell up to the flat. "if you are going to be the leader of this rebellion, you have to act like it. you can't just make decisions like breaking into the london palace alone and then let someone else decide when we're leaving and where we're going next. you can't just pick and choose what suits you best whenever you want to! you have to be a leader all of the time, or none of the time, and you have to make up your mind!"

"oh really, is that what i'm doing?" i was beyond angry by now. "this might come as a surprise to you, but this.... this whole, good guy, bad guy, covert ops, james bond crap is all new to me. i wasn't trained or taught how to travel the world covertly, how to fly jets or even how to speak f-ing french fluently. no, i was hidden away, and left in the dark, and now i'm trying the best that i can, so excuse me for not knowing what the hell i'm doing!"

we were to the apartment door. gabriel stood back, wary of approaching either of us. i had had enough, tonight was more than i could handle and jericho was making everything worse. i forced open the apartment door with magic and stomped angrily passed titus and sebastian sitting on the couch, watching tv calmly.

i found a bedroom and slammed the door shut, deciding i might never come out again.

"things didn't go as you hoped they would?" i heard sebastian ask and i forced myself to suppress a scream.

i threw myself onto the soft double bed and pulled a pillow over my head, closing my eyes, muffling the sound, and letting out the sobbing hysteria caused by coming face to face with kiran.

nobody bothered me, nobody tried to knock on the door to see if i was ok and that was how i preferred it. eventually, i found sleep. i found the dark abyss of unconsciousness and hoped for the rest that had been beyond my reach for too long.

----

i woke up screaming sometime near morning. i clutched at my throat; i was drenched in sweat and my pillows and blankets had all been tossed on the floor. i couldn't stop the screaming, i couldn't make my mouth close. the dream felt so real, the man, the blood, the torture.

but the images diminished, and began to disappear the more awake i became. i was freezing cold but still dripping with sweat, my long hair loosed and sticky against my face. i grasped at the dream, to bring it into my consciousness but the pictures and scenes darkened and blurred. nothing substantial remained of them.

jericho came bursting through my door, in athletic shorts and disoriented. he was rubbed at his eyes but his magic was full force and when he took in the sight of me, alone and in my pajamas he relaxed a little.

"are you ok?" he asked softly, walking over to the bed.

"yes, i think i am, sorry if i woke you," i mumbled, finding an askew pillow and putting it over my bare legs.

"was it a bad dream?" he sat down next to me, pulling me into a side hug. i still wanted to be mad at him, but his comfort soothed my frayed nerves; forgiveness was not even in question.

"i think so, i can't really remember anything about it though," i admitted.

"hmmm....." jericho sighed, resting his head against mine.

"anyway," i mumbled, snuggling closer to his warm body, wanting desperately to apologize for my actions the night before. but even more, with the sunlight pushing past the curtains and lighting the room with the softest and newest of lights, i wanted to apologize for the twisted and distorted feelings i still felt for kiran. as meaningless as they were and as hard as i planned on fighting to destroy them completely, it didn't seem right that jericho had to suffer because of them.