"absolutely not, mi," seraphina called her affectionately. i found the idea of shortening her nickname obnoxious. "back home, eden is a social outcast and i am.... not."

"no, you're not!" amelia gasped focusing her overly large golden brown eyes on me.

"yes, i am," i promised, laughing at the idea. "i only have one friend and she's a shape-shifter," i finished dramatically.

"no, my cousin is in love with you! he would never let you be an outcast!" amelia argued and i flinched at the mention of kiran's feelings.

"was in love with me," i corrected quickly and when it looked like amelia was going to protest i continued quickly, "but he definitely wanted me to be an outcast, believe me. he loved the idea!"

"why would he want that?" amelia pressed.

"so that he could go on being engaged to seraphina and keep me quiet and secret on the side," i spat with much more venom than i intended to.

"no, he would never do that!" amelia insisted, looking horrified. "eden, he fell in love with you as soon as he got to kingsley, he wouldn't do that to someone he loved."

"mimi, it's sweet you think so highly of your cousin, but what eden is saying is true," seraphina explained gently. "in his defense though, he was afraid of your uncle and what he would do if he found out about eden, or broke his engagement with me. and obviously he had good reason." seraphina looked up at me with an apologetic expression that stunned me.

"i'm so sorry for everything," i gushed at her, afraid she would say something and the moment would be ruined. suddenly, i was bombarded with guilt for ruining her future and her dreams. she tried to kill me, but i ruined her life and then didn't even want it when i got it. "seraphina, i shouldn't have let kiran use me like that, i'm sorry that i ruined your.... future."

"don't even think about apologizing to me!" she scolded in good-humor, "if you start listing your offenses than i'm going to have to list mine and i can't even go down that road. we both handled things wrong. we were both bitches; now let's just move on."

"what has gotten in to you?" i laughed, very ready to accept her proposal.

"it's this castle!" she whined. "i think just that fact that we're all forced here against our will makes us all, like.... i don't know, like we're going through the same thing, like i can relate to you. even though it totally grosses me out...."

"if you don't want to be here, than why are you here?" i asked, trying not to sound snotty and ignoring her last comment. i assumed immediately that going to school here was her idea. i apparently misjudged her.

"my dad is making me," she sighed heavily. "he took over the job at kingsley, but since technically i should be married right now, he didn't enroll me before the deadline and he doesn't want to be further embarrassed by begging the school board to let me in. lucan pushed this school setup at him as a peace offering, hoping i'll keep my mouth shut about being passed over on my wedding day...." she sighed exhausted by the idea. "this is dad's idea of saving face."

"oh? so you don't want to be here either?" i asked carefully. i definitely assumed going to school with us was her last attempt to grab a crown.

"are you kidding me? i am so over kiran and you, it actually makes me sick to think about watching you two for the next year of my life. besides, i'd so rather be home in my own house with complete freedom and my real friends. this is punishment from my parents i suppose for not making the prince fall in love with me...." she finished sadly.

i swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling like i might be the only kid involved in this whole thing that wasn't desperately trying to please a parent. ok, my parents were completely absent from my life, but only because their survival depended on it. they weren't torturing me just for having my own ideas about my future.

"seraphina, i'm so sorry," i offered, not knowing what else to say.

"don't you dare feel sorry for me!" she gasped like i smacked her. "i can still walk around this castle without an army following me. and my senior year might be ruined, but i get to leave after this year and do whatever i want. we're still different. i don't have your life, and i don't want it," she pointed out, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

she definitely did not get easier to like.

"that's true," amelia agreed sympathetically. "you unquestionably have it the worst, eden.... i mean, from my uncle. you still get to marry kiran though, so it can't be all that bad...." she recanted quickly and i had to stifle another eye roll.

"amelia, where did you get this idea that i am so madly in love with your cousin?" i demanded, deciding to laugh instead.

"from everywhere!" she defended herself. "when i met you in india, it was so obvious you loved my cousin and he loved you! and then, kiran convinced my uncle to let him marry you instead of seraphina. i mean, he had to love you in order to do that, right? and then when you came to the london palace, i could tell how hurt you were, but you still loved him. you loved him enough to save him and then as soon as he was healthy he spent every moment of his life devoted to getting you back. and at the very last moment he did! you came here to marry him and he left seraphina again for you!" amelia made a convincing case, but she definitely did not have the full story.

"that last time had absolutely nothing to do with whether he loved me or seraphina," i explained quietly, looking at seraphina guiltily. "we made a deal prior to that day, for my brother's life. i waited until the last minute.... until there wasn't another option. i could have come at any time before the wedding day and his decision would have been the same," i confessed, realizing how selfish i had been to wait so long. all of my planning, my plotting and scheming came to nothing in the end and i gave myself over to save my parents and avalon. if i would have seen that months before, i don't think i would have waited that long, but i couldn't say that for sure either. if i came earlier, there would have been time to prepare for the wedding and i would be mrs. kiran kendrick by now. "sorry, seraphina. i guess i didn't think about your feelings at the time...."

"obviously," seraphina grunted. "it all worked out though, i mean our magic would have made the marriage work, but i don't want to end up like analisa.... nobody does," she finished in a sad whisper. "he would never have been committed to me."

"that's not true," i argued. "he didn't want anything to do with me when i showed up. trust me; he would have rather married you."

"oh, please!" seraphina laughed. "i'm sure he was super disappointed you to see you!"

"he was! he even debated whether to kill me or make me his wife, for a long time! and honestly, i'm pretty sure he got very close to picking murder!" i confessed, trying to forget that i hoped for death in those moments. "plus, then you came in all guns blazing trying to kill me and he totally took your side! he wanted nothing more to do with me. i ruined his life." there i said it, everything i had been thinking since may. i laid it all out in the open and the truth wasn't as scary as i thought it would be when they were just words.

"that might be true," seraphina agreed sarcastically, "but he never wanted to kill you. trust me, as the ex-fiance, i know who he wants to stand with him in holy matrimony and it was never me."

"can we move on?" i asked. i didn't want to talk about kiran for one more second, i was uncomfortable and doubting the wall i carefully built to protect me from this kind of stuff. kiran didn't love me anymore, he made that abundantly clear. and i didn't love him anymore, that fact couldn't be more obvious to anyone. i didn't need to keep having these conversations over and over. i had a rebellion to worry about. a war to fight. an immortal king to kill. there existed no time in my life for teenage romance.

except jericho.

the girls moved on to a discussion about the upcoming all saints festival. i sighed, already feeling exhausted from another busy weekend of balls and feasts. these immortals were far too busy and involved in each other's lives for me. i had never even been to a high school dance before kingsley and now there seemed to be one every month. and not just a dance, actual galas with royalty and ballroom dancing and gowns.

and if this one didn't carry enough bad memories for me from last year, we were supposedly paying tribute to my dead grandfather. the thought of lucan organizing some kind of memorial for the same man that he killed in front of me in cold blood made my heart clench in panicked waves of rage. i wondered if he would stage a casket, or if the kingdom possessed the common courtesy to move beyond such disgusting pretense. my temples instantly began to pound and i closed my eyes in frustration.

the festival didn't happen for two more months; maybe i could be out of here by then. how much more planning did we need before i could just kill lucan. i had decided not to leave the castle; avalon wasn't trying to break me out anymore. what was the hold up?

the prisoners. he responded instinctively, having heard my entire inner monologue.

how long have you been there? i asked, feeling self-conscious.

since you walked into the same room as seraphina. he admitted and i gagged on his thoughts about her.

you are so gross. i accused. besides you have major competition with sebastian if you are remotely serious about her.

oh, no, i'm not serious about her at all. i mean, come on, she's completely certifiable. but so damn hot! he laughed at my revolted reaction.

anyway. i changed the subject forcefully in our thoughts. what is the hold up here? can't you just storm the castle tomorrow? this needs to end!

believe me; i have had these exact same thoughts, ede. but here's the thing, as confident as i am in our movement, there is still the chance of failure. and right now if we make an attempt at lucan's life and fail, the prisons are full of immortals for him to take his revenge out on. plus, you are still in his custody and i hate to think of what he could do to you-

avalon don't worry about me! i interrupted him to assure him that i would be fine. just get the prisoner's out. i can take care of myself.

eden, you forget that i was where you are. i refuse to let you go through what i did. he will not hurt you like that. he growled his response, his conviction resounding inside our heads and with it i felt the scars of those months he suffered near the brink of death as lucan's prisoner. he internally wore the wounds of a trauma i could never fully understand even with our twin connection. and still, even if i take you out of the equation, there are still the prisoners. besides, he has his men moving around the globe, hunting others down. and i'm afraid that if he doesn't find more shape-shifters he's going to start collecting from the general population. he's a monster, eden. when we strike, we have to do it perfectly, without flaw and with a one hundred percent success rate, or everything is going to backfire in our face. besides, it would help if you could recruit a few more titans. we need them on our side.