"no matter what happens, we have to try to hang on to normal," elena said.

matt nodded. personally, this was the last thing he wanted to be doing. but it was typical elena: when things were at their worst, she whistled in the dark. he just wished elena's way of whistling in the dark didn't include making matt try on shirts.

"that one looks nice," she went on, giving him a friendly once-over. "i know jasmine likes green."

matt stiffened. he hadn't told anyone about what had happened with jasmine yet. there was too much going on for him to feel like he could bring up his personal life, and he wasn't sure he was ready to talk about it. "we broke up," he said, his voice sounding just as rough and miserable as he felt.

"oh, no," elena breathed. "what happened?" then her face darkened as she answered the question for him. "it's because she finally found out the truth about everything, isn't it?"

"yeah," matt said quietly. "she didn't want all that to be part of her life."

"i don't blame her." elena grimaced. she bent her head and flicked distractedly through some more shirts. "it's terrifying. remember how you felt when you found out that all of this-vampires and hunters and scary monsters in the dark-is real?" she looked up at matt questioningly. "if you could do it all again, go back to the way things were before, would you?"

matt flinched. we could start fresh, he heard jasmine saying again, remembering how wide and pleading her beautiful eyes had been, and how they'd darkened in disappointment.

"i could never leave you guys in danger," he told elena, and it was true.

elena looked up at that. "i know you couldn't," she said, her mouth curling into a sad smile. "but i worry about you sometimes." she pulled two more shirts off the rack and shoved them into his hands. "try on the blue one first and let me see."

in the dressing room, matt carefully buttoned the blue shirt and smoothed it down. elena doesn't need to worry about me, he thought. but how could he ever turn his back on his friends? it went against everything he believed in.

"gorgeous!" elena said when he came out in the new shirt. her voice was cheerful, but her smile looked pasted on, too wide and toothy.

"how about you and stefan?" matt asked cautiously. "today, the two of you seemed ..." angry. "... at odds."

elena's smile fell. "he and jack are out there, trying to track down trinity," she said, her voice flat. "they asked if i could trace her aura, but i refused. not unless they're going to try to save her before they kill solomon." she let out a long, frustrated breath. "stefan just won't listen. he thinks he's protecting me, but i'm not helpless."

"i know," matt said gently. "even before you were a guardian, you were pretty tough." elena rewarded him with a more genuine smile, and he went to change shirts again.

when he came out, she had a lock of her silky blond hair twisted around her finger, her face thoughtful. pushing at the rack of shirts, she said, "can't stefan see there's more to the world than me?"

matt couldn't help the bubble of laughter that rose up in his throat at that. "sorry," he said, in response to elena's frown, "but when we were in high school, that's the last thing you would have said."

elena had the grace to chuckle a little at that. "i wasn't that bad," she replied defensively.

"well, i always liked you." matt shrugged. he had more than liked her-beautiful, selfish, determined elena. he still liked her now, but somewhere along the way, he had finally given up on loving her.

"i've changed," elena said. "we all have. we grew up. i'm proud of who i am now." she frowned, sticking her chin out stubbornly. "and i cannot let jack and stefan kill trinity without even trying to save her."

"i know, and i'll help if i can." matt hesitated, not sure whether to say the rest of what he was thinking, and elena cocked an inquiring eyebrow. "just ..." he didn't quite know which words to use. "just don't give up on stefan, okay? you love each other, and that's ... hard to lose. i don't like seeing you fight." he thought again of jasmine's eyes when she'd said good-bye, and his chest felt hot and tight.

something of this must have come through in his words, because elena looked at him knowingly, terribly sad, her lips pressed together and a deep line between her eyebrows.

to make her smile again, he held up the blue shirt. "and i'm buying the shirt."

he didn't really need a new shirt, but it was worth it to see her face lighten. as he followed elena to the checkout line, though, he couldn't help the nagging worry that always lived at the back of his mind now, that had lived there for years.

the worst is still to come.

when elena got back home, stefan was digging through the hall closet. "i'm looking for my axe," he explained, a bit awkwardly, not looking at her. "have you seen it?"

elena shook her head, and he shoved a bunch of coats aside. "here we are," he said, pulling it out and turning away. "i need to go. i'm late meeting jack."

"stefan-" elena reached out to stop him.

he turned back toward her, seeming reluctant. there was so much pain in his face, lines of strain around that perfect sensual mouth and hurt darkening his eyes, making elena's heart ache. all the way home, she had been thinking of what matt said: you love each other, and that's hard to lose.

"stefan," she said, helplessly. "i don't want to hurt you. i never, ever want to hurt you. i love you so much."

stefan's face softened and he stepped toward her. "i love you, too, elena. everything i do is for you."

"i know that," elena said, her voice calm and even. she smiled at him and held out her hand, feeling like she was coaxing some small animal out of its hiding place. he took it, hesitantly, and she squeezed, her palm warm against his. "i'm sorry we argued. but i'm worried about you. i'm afraid wanting to protect me has kept you from seeing how someone as innocent as trinity-the real trinity-needs us to give her a chance."

stefan opened his mouth to object, and elena pushed on quickly. "i worry that your morals are getting out of whack, stefan, because you're so worried about me that you're not stopping to think. it's what i've always admired most about you, your sense of right and wrong," she finished softly, and rose up to brush her mouth against his.

but stefan pulled away. "i love you, too, elena," he said. he was frowning, his face hard with determination. "but we have to stop solomon before he kills again. if that means losing trinity, that's the price we have to pay. if we had any proof, any sign at all that trinity was still in there, i'd be with you on this. but all i see in there is solomon."

"we need to give her a chance," elena said, her voice rising. "it's not fair. i know i don't have any proof, but we aren't sure. if there's even a shred of a chance that trinity's trapped in there, we have to do everything we can to save her." she'd tried to talk to stefan with a cooler head, but here they were, right back where they'd started.

stefan turned away and headed for the door, his axe swinging easily from his hand. "i'm sorry, elena, but i can't promise you that," he said coldly over his shoulder. "i have to do what's right, what's best for everyone. even if you can't see it." he closed the apartment door quietly behind him.

elena stared after him, her heart aching. he shouldn't have to shut himself off from her like that. she was losing stefan-and he was losing himself.