"i love you, sofia."

his proclamation felt weak, practiced and routine. it didn't move me the way it used to and that bothered me. i couldn't bear to look at him even as i nodded my head curtly. "i know. i love you too."

i felt empty as i returned to the catacombs, escorted by ashley and her boyfriend, sam, who derek asked to get me home safely. i hated that he didn't do it himself. there was a time when he would've done it no matter how tired he was.

my two companions were both exchanging some lighthearted banter all the way to the caves, but i remained silent, lost in thought.

a deep sense of loneliness and abandonment took over me. i shivered against the cold night breeze and practically tasted the scent of the pine trees. i was so consumed by my emotions and my surroundings, i barely gave sam and ashley a cohesive response when they bade me goodbye.

i dragged myself through the routine of getting myself ready for bed. everything about the shade had begun to feel exactly like that - routine - and i was finding myself weary of it all. i had just climbed into my bed wearing a silk nightgown when the door creaked open. i lifted my head and drew a breath when i saw derek standing inside my bedroom, closing the door behind him.

"derek?" i said, wondering what could've brought him to my chambers. despite my surprise, my heart leapt that he did come. i longed to be in his embrace.

however, when i saw the stare he was giving me, i realized why he'd come. the way his adam's apple moved as he gulped at the sight of me made it clear enough exactly what he came for. he's craving.

i knelt up on the bed and forced a smile as i pulled my long red locks away from my neck in order to give him the go signal he was waiting for. he didn't hesitate... the moment my neck was exposed to him, he sped toward me and sank his teeth into my skin.

i bit my lip at the pain it caused, but i was already so used to it. as i sat there waiting for my fiance to have his fill of my blood, i couldn't help but wonder.

what has become of us?

chapter 2: derek

her laughter was contagious as she held my hand. her long, auburn hair was bunched up over her head in a bun, strands of it falling down her lovely face. we were at a beach and the sun was shining on both of us, our wet bodies glistening as we took a walk along the shore.

sofia had a huge smile on her face, one that i missed seeing.

"let's make a sandcastle, derek," she suggested.

"what for?" i asked. "no matter how beautiful a sandcastle is, the ocean swallows it up and ruins it."

she rolled her eyes at me as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "because beautiful things, even when they are temporary, still manage to leave a part of their beauty with you... even after they're long gone."

i narrowed my eyes at her. "what does that mean?"

"keep the beautiful sandcastle in a memory, derek, and it will remain with you long after the ocean destroys it." her green eyes were twinkling with delight. "so? make a sandcastle with me?"

"how can i resist?" i grinned.

"perfect!" she skipped all the way to the spot of her choice. my ray of sunshine, a sweet reminder of what it was like to be carefree and full of mirth... we began building the sandcastle, with me stealing glances at her, admiring her beauty, loving it when she peered at me from beneath those long lashes of hers.

it seemed only but a couple of minutes before she leaped to her feet and announced, "we're done!"

i creased my brows in surprise as i looked at the sandcastle. i gasped at the sight. a vortex had formed within the sandcastle, sucking me in until i found myself right inside it. i looked around for sofia and was disappointed when i couldn't find her. my disappointment, however, was short-lived, because i eventually saw her.

but suddenly, i struggled to remember her name. i knew i'd seen her before. i knew that she was someone i couldn't afford to ignore, but i couldn't remember her name. all i knew was that the mere sight of her took my breath away. she was the embodiment of what i would've described as a perfect woman.

long, wavy hazel brown hair and deep violet eyes... a curvy, slender form... tall with legs that went on forever... she was stunningly beautiful as she stood in the middle of what seemed like a lake right outside the sandcastle.

she smiled at me and lifted her hand in the air in a gesture to reach for me, coaxing me to go to her. i found myself completely drawn by her, as if she were a siren i couldn't ignore.

"come," she whispered, her voice like music to my ears.

i didn't even hesitate. i just stepped into the lake and began walking through it, right toward her. i was so focused on getting to her, i barely even thought about the water.

"you belong with me, derek," she whispered into my ear the moment i reached her.

"no." i shook my head, sofia's laughter echoing in my ears. "i belong to someone else."

"who?"

i sought my thoughts for a name and found that i couldn't remember one. "i can't remember just now, but it's not you."

"how are you so sure that it's not me if you can't remember?"

i narrowed my eyes at her, absolutely taken by her beauty. "i guess i'm not so sure."

"yes. you're not. we belong together. you and i."

i nodded, but it didn't feel right. when her lips pressed against mine, i could hear my own voice echoing on my mind. what are you doing, derek? you don't belong with her. you are being an absolute fool.

when my eyes shot open, it took me a while to take in my surroundings. my own voice was still echoing in my head. you're being an absolute fool. i creased my brows even as my lips still tingled from the kiss i shared from the woman in the dream. i turned to my side and the sight that greeted me made me feel even worse. your dream is right, derek. you're an absolute fool.

lying next to me was sofia, sleeping peacefully; unaware of the inner turmoil i was going through. despite the guilt i felt over betraying her through a dream, i couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked. i began brushing her auburn hair away from her face, so i could take a better look. that's when i noticed the fresh bite mark on her neck and remembered what i did to her the night before.

after she expressed so clearly how much she missed what we had together, i showed up in her chambers demanding her blood. my stomach clenched at the way i'd been treating her. she doesn't deserve this, novak. what are you doing to her?

i rolled on my back and stared up at the ceiling, succumbing to some serious self-loathing.

i remembered the time when i cared so much about sofia that even entertaining the idea of drinking her blood made me feel sick, but now, it'd become such a norm between us. there were times when i didn't even bother to ask her anymore. i just took what in reality, wasn't even really mine, taking advantage of the knowledge that she wouldn't mind, that she would willingly give to me what i was asking for.

lost in my own thoughts, i didn't even realize that she'd already woken until her side of the bed slightly shifted as she got up. no words were spoken as she set about rummaging through her closet and picking out an outfit. i watched her and i knew that she was aware that my eyes were on her, but she ignored me. she made her way to the bathroom and in a few minutes, i heard the shower running.

"great," i mumbled, as i sat over the edge of the bed. "as if there aren't enough wars threatening us, sofia has to go and declare a cold war on me."

it felt like forever before she emerged from the bathroom, already dressed. her eyes widened with surprise when she saw me still sitting on her bed.

"you're still here?" she asked. "don't you have a kingdom to run?"

i didn't miss the ice in her words. "sofia... about last night... i'm sorry... i was tired and it's been a while since i had your blood and i couldn't get it off my mind..." my excuses sounded lame even to me.

she was quick to let me know that she was tired of hearing the same things over and over again. "yes. i know. i understand." she turned her back on me and stood in front of the vanity mirror, getting ready to fix up her hair and do her make up.

i knew from her reaction that i had a lot of making up to do.

i thought about everything that i had to do that day, and immediately concluded that spending time with sofia was far more important. i rose to my feet and approached her. i held her waist and kissed the back of her neck, breathing in her intoxicating scent.

"you love me, sofia," i reminded her, a smile creeping onto my face. "i've been a fool, but you still love me."

i could see her pout and roll her eyes as she groaned. "ugh, don't remind me."

i chuckled as i began to rock her from side to side. "i shouldn't have done what i did last night. let me make it up to you."

"do you even have time to make it up to me?"

"you're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

she twisted around and i was surprised when she stood to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against mine. it'd been a while since we last kissed and i ached to once again feel her soft, full lips kneading against mine, reveling on the taste of her tongue invading my mouth. any tingling afterthoughts about the girl in my dream were completely overpowered by sofia's kiss.

i lifted sofia up against me as i returned the kiss, my hand finding the back of her head, my fingers entangled in her hair as my arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close.

i was so caught up in that kiss, i couldn't help but gasp when she suddenly pulled her mouth away from mine. a smile formed on her face. i don't know what possessed her to do it, but she suddenly pinched my nose.

"we're sooooo serious," she exclaimed, before blowing up her cheeks and crossing her eyes.

i was so taken aback by her antics, i couldn't even find a valid reaction to it, but it reminded me of why sofia was such a breath of fresh air. she had a way of making even the heaviest of situations feel a lot lighter. after everything she'd been through in the shade and even outside of it, after multiple vampires threatened to kill her, she still managed to pick herself up and find a reason to smile.