all i could do was look down at my hands and nod my head, holding back a sense of hopelessness. bearen commanded me to get some sleep because we would be leaving come first light. odin brought me a blanket and i curled by the fire, willing myself to sleep. i lay awake picturing my return to the village and fearing what would happen when they learned i was no longer the same young innocent girl that left months ago, but something that represented everything they hated. shivering, i felt faraway try and soothe me and then he sent me a thread of power to make me sleep. i prayed for a dreamless sleep.

chapter 2

the next morning we woke before sunrise and were on the move again. my back and legs were sore from riding so many hours in the saddle, and i wished for a moment to apply the salve that mara gave me to my muscles, which was sitting ever so tempting in my saddle bag. but my fellow clansmen were in a hurry and spoke little as they packed and readied to leave.

once again, i found myself in the middle of the group. when the road became too narrow to pass side by side, bearen and fenri rode lead, forsk scouted ahead, while hemi, eviir and aldo rode rear guard. no one was in the mood for talking so i spent most of the ride silently conversing with faraway. odin rode to the side of me whenever the road would allow and he would shoot me little worried glances.

finally fed up with his worried looks, i decided to confront him. "what is it, odin?" he looked embarrassed that i caught him.

"you have changed, little one," he paused, thinking. "what has happened has made you grow up too soon." looking at the road ahead he went on, "the bad ones have stolen some of your carefree spirit. instead you look like you are ready to meet the executioner."

"i can't help it, odin; i'm scared." reaching down, i began to rub faraway, more in an effort to comfort myself than him. "i'm going back to where it all started. i'm hoping that by retracing my steps, it will bring back the memories of what happened that night. somehow, i disappeared amidst friends, family and all of my clansmen and no one saw anything." letting out a deep sigh i looked intently at odin and let all of the fear and anxiety i was trying to hide show in my face. lowering my voice, i whispered, "what if it happens again?"

"we will be prepared this time, thalia." he sat up straighter on his horse, slapping a closed fist against his breast. "no one will steal one of the daughters of the valdyrstal clan again." his eyes shone bright at the thought of battle. "they will taste our blades and wish for a swift death, but will be granted a long and painful one."

i shuddered at the bloodlust that was evident in odin's eyes. the clan's ruthlessness and protective spirit was probably why the septori had not taken any children before me. i wondered what had changed. thankfully the path we were traveling on narrowed and he had to drop back to follow behind me. i let my mind wander and settle on joss, his crooked grin, sandy blonde windblown hair and blue green eyes deep with emotion, and my heart sang with joy before plummeting in shame.

i felt a pang of guilt at leaving the way i did, but i knew that i couldn't fully open up to joss unless i knew more about myself. i owed joss more. i knew deep down i wasn't being fair to joss.

kael's stern face slowly formed in my mind and i tried to blink it away, tried to think of anything else. but kael fighting his way out of the prison flashed through my mind, and then joss appeared again bandaging my head. my own mind did a review of all of my encounters with joss and kael: joss holding my hand during my bone setting; kael fighting off a pack of mad dogs; joss arguing with healer prentiss on my behalf; kael killing the assassin; joss stubbornly guarding me while i slept. back and forth each scene played out and i felt more conflicted about kael and joss.

and then a thought hit me and i almost pulled faraway to a standstill as the enormity of what i was doing sank in. i was running away. i was running as far as i could from all of the conflicting emotions.

my hands trembled as i realized, in some crazy way, i had some feelings for kael as well. joss was handsome, caring and safe, while kael was striking, insensitive and spiteful.

what was i thinking? i mentally berated myself. i hated kael. he did everything he could to make me hate him. maybe that was why. maybe my heart knew that he was trying to make me hate him, so instead i pitied him and cared for him. the emotions i felt were only compassion for an uncaring vagrant warrior. right? that, as of right now, i would focus on what was good for me. when i discovered more about myself, i would somehow go back to the citadel and be with joss.

i must have spent a good hour debating with myself about my feelings; i had completely forgotten where i was. the sun began to go down and the woods we were traveling through became more sinister. we were passing through a mountain pass. faraway stopped moving, his withers twitching in nervousness. glancing around, i opened my mind to him.

what's the matter?

bad smell all around us.

not waiting anymore, he opened himself up to me and i could sense what he smelled. he was right; it was bad.

this was no longer the citadel's arena; this wasn't a practice game where i couldn't get injured. this was real. i closed my eyes and pushed my senses deep into the forest searching, something professor weston taught me.

i jumped when i sensed men on all sides slowly pressing in. we were surrounded. my heart started to pump nervously as i looked around. odin and the others had stopped when faraway stopped, the trail too thin for them to pass around me. ahead of me, bearen and fenri paused and stared back at me questioningly.

a quick mental command to faraway and he began to dance about a bit. steeling my voice to sound sure and not scared, i called out loudly, "my horse has gone lame, i need help." bearen carefully turned his horse and rode back to me, leaning down to look at faraway's flank.

"bearen, there's no time," i whispered urgently. "there are men in the woods and we are surrounded."

"nonsense. you must be imagining things." he looked at me intently. "forsk would have seen them. he would have warned us."

quickly, i closed my eyes and scanned ahead past the men that had stopped and were quietly moving into position around us. i grabbed my head as the sight of bushes and leaves rushed past my vision, making me dizzy, praying and hoping that i was wrong. it took me a second, but my fears were confirmed as i saw forsk's body in a ditch farther up. he was sixty meters off of the path in the woods, laying facedown with arrows protruding from his body. his body position suggested he'd found the men and had tried to run back to warn us before being shot down.

tears formed in my eyes as i looked at bearen, begging him to believe me as i whispered vehemently to him, "forsk is dead."

bearen paled. "how, do you-?"

i cut him off with a wave of my hand, "bearen, if you don't do something, we'll all be dead." i glanced over his shoulder to the woods behind him. "please, you must believe me," i begged. "they're almost here."

bearen's jaw clenched as he battled inner doubt. if he chose to believe me and armed the men then he would be affirming his worst fears. if he chose to ignore me, he could go on believing i was still his innocent daughter but he could lose more lives. he was taking too long.

jumping off of faraway, i confronted him, "we don't have time. you must decide but either way i will not sit idle and wait to die." storming over to odin, i reached behind him to pull his sword from the sheath strapped to his horse.