hemi handed me a plate of food and i did my best to eat it. but every mouthful felt like it was about to make a hasty exodus. it had been this way our whole journey. every time i ate, i felt sick and i wasn't sleeping. i could feel the concerned looks from hemi as he watched me eat. i tried, but i couldn't keep it down. sighing, i pushed my plate dejectedly away and stared at the fire until my eyes drew heavy. moments later i felt myself being lifted off the ground by strong arms and laid gently on the one of the two bunks in the room. my eyes fluttered open briefly to make out the red hair and trimmed beard of hemi. covering me with a blanket, he turned. i could hear a heated whispered debate going on between him and kael.

"this is not protecting her!" he argued. "you must be blind if you haven't noticed. she is not eating, not sleeping and is losing weight. she weighs nothing more than a small child now. she's having nightmares. she is obviously terrified."

"i'm not blind. i've seen it before. in even the bravest of warriors. it is to be expected. she knows what we are going up against."

"she's just a child. i should turn around and take her back to our valley, back to her father, since you seem to be lax in your duty that you were charged with. it would be the right thing to do."

i couldn't hear kael's quiet answer even though i strained to hear it against the rumble of thunder. when the thunder faded, they had obviously quit talking and had gone to make up their beds. the storm sounded like it was about to get worse.

a crack of thunder made me jump and i felt a pulse of lighting soar painfully through my body. it was the iron butterfly, and i was once again trapped within the machine. the iron bands wrapped around me and pierced the different pressure points along my arms and body. the raven peered at me closely through the silver mask, his eyes black and sinister. he raised his hands and called down another bolt of lightning and sent its currents through the bands and i jerked upright as the spasm wracked painfully through my body. tears of pain poured uncontrollably down my face and i started to sob.

but my sobs were muffled as i awoke to strong arms holding me and my face buried into a masculine chest. the thunder from the storm made me sob and shiver uncontrollably in terror. strong hands held me and comforted me as i tried to get a hold of my fear. the fire had gone out and darkness enclosed the shelter.

a low voice whispered comfort to me "shhh, thalia. you're okay; it's just a dream. it can't hurt you anymore." another crack of thunder and my body jerked in memory of the pain; the sound of thunder would forevermore be linked to torture. the whispered voice continued to hold me throughout the storm, never letting up, never releasing me. i was safe; the voice kept the terror away as i snuggled into the deep chest and fell asleep, barely realizing that the scent was not the familiar scent of earth and spice but of leather and musk. it was the first time in weeks i was able to sleep through the night without fear of being plagued by my real life nightmares.

the next morning i awoke alone, cold and a little disoriented. glancing over my shoulder, i saw that i was the only one left in the way station. sounds from outside attested to the whereabouts of hemi, joss and kael. i was glad for the moment's reprieve as i had the privacy to get dressed and ponder over last night. i was originally under the assumption that it was joss comforting me during the storm, but now that i'm awake i'm not so sure.

rushing to change into fresh clothes, i packed up and ran outside to find joss who was clearing the path to the way station of broken tree limbs. it was an unmentioned code to users to leave the station as you found it. clearing the path of debris and restocking the wood was expected.

i snuck up behind joss and sat on a stump and waited until he saw me before speaking. "that was quite a storm last night, wasn't it?" i quipped more cheerfully than i actually felt.

joss turned and grinned at me. "i love thunderstorms! it always reminds me of home. you will see why shortly."

i pasted a fake smile on my face as i asked him as carelessly as i could, "so how did you sleep?"

"like a baby; nothing could wake me during a thunderstorm. how about you? did you sleep okay?" he asked, handing me a long branch to haul to the side of the path without sparing me a second glance.

my smile wilted in confirmation that joss was definitely not the one who chased away the terror last night. otherwise he wouldn't be acting so carefree this morning. "um, fine," was all i was able to spit out, as my stomach churned with unanswered questions. i flung the branch to the side of the road and went to find faraway so we could get on the road and leave this way station as far behind as possible.

i had no sooner stepped into the stable when i felt kael's presence behind me. turning to him, i looked at him hard with question in my eyes. his blues eyes were calm this morning, with no hint of hardness; the dark shadow that i could sometimes see following him when he was angry was gone. i couldn't figure him out. it was as if he was hiding behind a mask. one moment he was hard, uncaring and acted like he hated me, while the next, he would be polite, soft-spoken and nice. he confused my senses. i was about to open my mouth and ask him about last night but i saw in his eyes a slight fear as if he knew what i was going to say. he spoke first.

"i've brought you breakfast. we are eating a cold meal today so that we can be on the road." kael handed me biscuits and a slice of jerky.

my stomach quelled at the thought of food and i took it without words and put it in faraway's saddlebag.

"no, thalia. you will eat it now." he ordered firmly. i whirled on him, my mouth open wide in shock.

"i'll eat it later, when i'm hungry." i stated, refusing to back down. too late, i could see the darkness start to form around him. he was getting angry.

"no, i'm going to watch you eat every bite, or i'm turning you around and marching you straight back to your father." gone was the kindness i saw earlier and back was the stubborn hardheaded swordbrother i was used to. kael was the only other person i knew that could be as stubborn as my father. "hemi was right to take me to task. i promised your father i would look after you and i'm doing a poor job. you are wasting away. i will not have you die on the road because you can't take care of yourself and eat properly."

"i'm taking care of myself-" i shot out but kael interrupted me again.

"no, you're not; i've noticed it and let it go on long enough. i should have said something sooner. remember, it's my life on the line if i don't bring you back safe. i will not be lax in my duty again! so you will eat now or i'm taking you home!" he roared at me and i felt chastised.

gone were any lingering feelings of gratitude i may have held toward kael as they were replaced by anger and resentment. he was only being nice to me out of duty, out of preservation of his own life; how typical, how selfish, how just like kael. flipping open faraway's pouch, i grabbed the jerky and bit a hunk off of it. i chewed furiously on the meat, but the sweet and salty juices hit my empty stomach and i paled and headed for the nearest unoccupied stall and spit it up. i had been stupid. i should have started with the biscuit, something gentler on my queasy stomach.