this was all irrational he knew, intellectually. he didn't know this girl at all beyond the facts that she was hot and cool and liked him. that and the fact that the pure physical lust had been overpowering.

"there are a lot of pretty girls in the world," he said. "other than your looks, what are three things that make you special?"

she took hold of his face between her hands and looked deep in his eyes. "you're still thinking too much, but i will humor you my jon."

prime looked right back at her, triangular gazing, moving his focus between her two eyes and mouth.

"first, i am free. i see what i want and i take it, and i am responsible for my freedom.

"second, i understand the natural order of things and accept it.

"third," and she paused to smile, showing her perfect teeth, "i can recognize a strong man when i find him, a man with potential to be more."

wow, what an answer. most hot girls had to stop and think hard about that question. he'd once seen a pick-up artist on a talk show leave jessica alba initially flummoxed, as the question alone had removed her beauty from the attraction question.

anastasia's response made him think of something that had happened to him. it was not a story he shared often, although it was a true story and important to him.

"i went hunting once, when i was a teenager. i wanted to know what it was like to be responsible for killing one's own food. i'm a carnivore, as you already know, and anyone who eats meat should know first hand what that means."

he paused, thinking about how to articulate the next part, then stopped worrying. it would come out.

"my dad had a friend who hunted, who taught me about guns, and took me. he told me about buck fever, how he'd get so excited before shooting a deer that he almost couldn't pick up his rifle let alone aim it. it made me imagine a housewife at the grocery store pissing herself with excitement as she reached for a pound of ground beef."

he was quiet again, remembering that daydream and the first time.

anastasia rested her head in the nape of his neck, listening.

"when i had the deer in my sights," he continued, "it wasn't like i was shopping at a grocery store, but it wasn't like i had buck fever either. i'm not religious especially, but it was a holy thing. a beautiful and natural thing that i'd been too ignorant to realize existed every day, everywhere around the world. it wasn't just about eating, and it wasn't just about dying. it was about being part of the world, and understanding you place.

"after i shot the deer and it went down, i cried."

"why?" she whispered.

maybe she did understand. the other times he'd tried to tell girls this story they had been near crying themselves and the obvious explanation was not what had moved him. he wasn't sorry he had taken the animal's life or that he found bambi's mother delicious.

"it was the first time i ever felt truly alive, and glimpsed the responsibility."

she said something then that surprised him with its depth of insight. "that was because you saw the world as it is, but not yet fully your own place in it."

or was it insightful? maybe she was just spouting bullshit the way schools trained kids to do.

he held her tighter as he realized it wasn't bullshit. she wasn't a bullshitter, and he was ashamed there was as much bullshit in his life as there was.

because of the rain they had their picnic in the family's rvs, with prime, anastasia, and her parents in one and the rest in the second. the group had two and were touring the west coast on vacation.

the logistics suddenly seemed nearly impossible, but prime was committed to making more of this strange, blossoming relationship.

"and what do you do for a living?" yuri asked over a bite of chicken leg.

"yes," said anastasia's mother. "last night you told us you repaired disposable lighters, and while that was a very funny answer, i don't think it is true."

there was a short answer to the question, and a long answer that was more obscure but no less true. unlike some pick-up artists, he was not shy or ashamed about how he made his very good living. he told it the way he saw it.

"i take nerds," he began, "and guys broken by divorce, and socially stunted silicon valley executives, and fellows whose fathers were either clueless in the first place or failed to pass on their wisdom, i take them all, and i help them make themselves better men."

"sounds like the army," yuri said.

prime grinned. "we do call our workshops 'boot camps,' and some of the same principles apply. men are resistant to change, even when the change is good for them. even when it is about them realizing their every dream and becoming responsible for their own power."

this was the long answer, and truer, at least to him, than any trite answer about teaching guys to get laid. the term pick-up artist conjured up negative connotations to so many who thought the trade was all a bag of tricks about how to manipulate women out of their panties. well, he admitted, some of it was. but the core of it to prime had always been about helping men realize themselves and their personal power. he liked the army analogy better than the self-help guru image that he knew sage preferred.

"that sounds like a fine thing," yuri said. "is that what you always want to do with your life?"

he didn't know if anastasia's father realized it, but that was a loaded question. to prime, it sounded like he was asking if he intended to spend the rest of his life fucking around. well . . . did he? was there the immediate alternative of cruising around the country with this girl and her family?

"i'm happy for the moment, although i do understand that the nature of life is change," prime replied. "what do you all do?"

"we do," said yuri, "exactly as we please. we have a little money, and we do not have complicated needs. we have the world, and family. we have simple pleasures. eating, breathing, enjoying nature. it is a good life."

they kept chatting and prime had a good time. these were good people. a little weird, but who wasn't? he was happy with who he was, but he wasn't normal by any means. at one point he asked about sage.

"my friend tried to talk to you last night," he said. "the guy in the white suit. remember him?"

"oh yes," said elena, a subliminal "tsk, tsk" in her voice. "poor boy."

poor boy? sage? the man had picked up twins at the playboy mansion and had a threesome in the grotto. that was no poor boy.

"yes," said anastasia. "he is sad, isn't he?"

sad?

"he smelled of rabbit food," said yuri, authoritatively. "i hope your friend does better in the future. maybe you can help him. i trust you are good to your friends."

okay, some people were weirder than others.

"you're being ridiculous," sage said. he turned away from prime dismissively and bent to turn on the gas fireplace.

prime steamed. "no. i feel like i'm finally waking up. you're not jealous, are you? maybe i shouldn't have told you they thought you smelled weak."

"look," said sage, standing back up, "i've got sally coming over soon, so i don't have time for this nonsense. isn't tonight your night with brenda?"

"i cancelled," said prime.

sage rolled his eyes. oneitis, said that look.

"don't you want me to be happy?" he asked his friend.

"god, yes!" roared sage. "and that is why you need to get back on track."

"are you happy with this lifestyle?"

"of course. what more could i want? i sleep with beautiful women, live in a mansion in san francisco, wear the finest clothes and eat the finest foods."

prime smiled, remembering it had been called "rabbit food." still, he couldn't help but feel that he had had a peek into a simpler, more natural, and more honest life. a life with anastasia. and he was going to take up the invitation he'd been offered.

"well, let's just wait until after tonight, okay?"

"more hanging out with the monobrows? jeez, man, it's like a bad saturday night live skit, and you're living it."

"i'm living life," prime replied, simply. "respect that."

sage sighed audibly. "fine. i do respect you, you know that. i just don't like to see you regressing into some kind of afc. you'll end up broken."

"or changed."

sage nodded.

prime met up with anastasia and her family out at yosemite.

they already had a more than respectable fire blazing at their campsite and were working on a small keg. camping, fire, beer . . . not a bad start. as prime looked at his woman, he knew what a perfect night like this also needed: sex. and it was there.

out came a boom box. out loud came classic rock, creedence clearwater revival's "bad moon rising."

okay, everything wasn't pure and natural, but music was good to have. primal.