"it doesn't look like lettuce. it's tall with little leaves."

"it's gone to seed." i went down heavily on one knee in the sodden weeds. i broke the top off the plant and lifted it carefully, my hand cupped under the seed head. "you can save these and plant them next spring. or you can dig up the ground and plant them now. the plants here either wintered over or reseeded themselves, so it didn't get cold enough here to kill them completely. actually, if you plant some now, you might get an early crop in spring. and then plant the rest of the seed after that, for more lettuce later. but always leave a few plants in the garden to go to seed, so you'll have seed for the next season."

"oh," she said faintly. she stopped walking and looked back at the overgrown garden. "i feel so stupid. it makes sense now."

"what?"

"that they gave us seed, and told us it should be enough to last us. i had nothing to plant this spring. i was lucky enough to find some onions and potatoes growing where i'd planted them last year. i thought i'd just missed them when i harvested them."

"it was a cruel thing they did, putting you out here without teaching you first how to grow a garden or catch a rabbit."

"they did give us some chickens. for a short time, we had eggs. then someone stole them and ate them, i suppose. that happened soon after we first arrived, when more people lived here." she gave me a very uncomfortable glance. "thank you. what's your name?"

i realized she'd never asked me and i hadn't told her. "nevare bur-" i stopped short. my father no longer claimed me. did i wish to claim his name?

"nevare burr. thank you, nevare."

she said my name, and for a moment i felt an odd thrill, similar to the first time that carsina had touched my hand. she was walking in front of me and could not see my cynical smile. of course, nevare. fall in love with the first woman you befriend, simply because she is willing to say your name. ignore how she looks at you; ignore how frightened she was just a few moments ago when she thought you had lured her child away. i forced myself to confront how desperately lonely i'd become. i was so alone. as alone, i reminded myself, as yaril. i did not need to fall to a wild schoolboy infatuation with amzil. i had my sister and her affection to sustain me. instead of thinking how i could change amzil's life if she allowed me to, i knew i should focus my efforts on creating a life for myself, one that would eventually allow me to send for yaril.

amzil hurried ahead of me; i walked more slowly. i stopped. i turned to look back at the two cottages that had, for a few moments, been in my imagination an inn. yet, why not here? i asked myself. why should i not build the inn, just as i had imagined it, but for myself and eventually for yaril? and if my efforts here produced benefits for amzil and her children as well, that would simply be an additional good. "i could stay here and build a life for myself," i said softly.

at my words, lightning flashed through me. i remembered my dream, all in that instant. in the next moment, i stood trembling in full daylight, possessed of a knowledge i did not want. i could not stay here. i couldn't build an inn or make a place for yaril. i was supposed to go on, to the land of the specks. if i did not, evil would befall me. no. not just me. evil would befall any who held me back from that quest.

the corollary to that axiom fell into place for me. misfortune had befallen my home and family in widevale because they had sought to keep me there. the plague had come to widevale, and scoured me of my family because i had defied the magic. the magic had cut me free of my old life. i shook my head. it could not be true. it was a stupid uncivilized superstition, something an ignorant man or a savage might believe.

my gut cramped with guilt and pain.

i bent over, clasping my great wobbly belly in my hands, sickened with the knowledge that filled me as much as by the emptiness of the hunger that suddenly assailed me. it was not a hunger for simple sustenance. i needed to eat to feed the magic that dwelt in me. it demanded food, and it demanded that i continue on my way to gettys, to the territory of the specks.

"you. you! help me! in the name of the king. help me."

the voice was faint, both from distance and weakness in the man who called. i looked around me, and then lifted my eyes to look up the hillside, past the stump field to where the uncut trees began. a man stood there, leaning heavily on a tough little horse beside him. he was bearded and without a hat, dressed in rough, ragged clothing. his head wobbled on his shoulders. when he saw me looking at him, he took two steps toward me, and then collapsed. he rolled a short way and then lay still.