i had never been so glad to put a place behind me. i wanted to hurry, but dragging the log downhill through the snowy forest was not as simple as it had seemed it would be. i put a rope on it so i could guide it to keep it from running up on clove or snagging on trees. i could not focus on the task. the sensation of being watched blazed up in my mind, and i kept glancing back over my shoulder at nearly every step. the sweat that soaked and then chilled me was as much from fear as exertion. i could just glimpse the open area beyond the outskirts of the forest's edge by the spring as the bluish shadows of the trees on the snow were turning to black.

in widevale, evening and night had always fallen slowly, with twilight a long process of losing the sun to the flat horizon. here on the edge of the mountains, night came like the drawing of a curtain as rumpled hills swiftly devoured the pallid sun. i felt the darkness coming on, and suddenly i could no longer control my terror. i ran forward, floundering heavily through the deepening snow, startling clove by seizing his headstall and tugging him along, urging him to haste.

we must have made a comical sight, the fat man and his heavy horse, floundering through deep snow, encumbered by the tree trunk that clove dragged. i was making small sounds of terror, my panting becoming higher-pitched. i tried to swallow my fear and could not; the more i gave in to it, the greater it became, like the boy who gives way to shrieks of hysteria when night terrors convince him that he cannot escape into the safe world of day. there were no sounds in that darkening world save the ones we made: the thud-crunch of clove's hooves through the dry, crusty snow, my terrified panting, and the slow whoosh of the timber as it cut a trough through the snow behind us. no sound at all, save a single peal of laughter, clear and pure as any birdsong that rang out in the forest as we left it behind us.

it was the final spur to my fear. dignity abandoned, i ran, outstripping my placid horse. i ran all the way to my own front door and burst into my tiny cabin as if all the nightshades of the old gods were in pursuit of me. i slammed the door behind me and stood panting and shaking. my heart hammered in my chest, and my ears rang with it. the fire was blazing in the hearth and the kettle singing next to it. i smelled hot coffee. scout hitch was ensconced in my big chair by the fire. he looked up at me and smiled.

"i see the forest is breathing terror today." he rose slowly from my chair, and sauntered to the door i had slammed shut behind myself as i entered. he opened it and looked out over the dimming landscape. he whistled softly, as if in admiration, while i stood burning with shame. but when he glanced back at me over his shoulder, the wonder on his face seemed genuine. "it's later than i thought. i must have taken a nap while i was waiting for you. have you been in the forest all this time?"

i gave a stiff nod. my terror had fled, cast out by my embarrassment, but my heart still pounded and my throat was parched too dry to speak. i began to peel off my outer garments. opening my coat released the stench of my own fear-sweat. never had i been so ashamed.

hitch had continued to stare out of the door. "and you plundered a log for yourself as well. damn. nevare, you never cease to amaze me. no, you take your things off and get settled. i'll put your horse up. i want to talk with you."

by the time hitch came back from seeing to clove, i'd changed into a dry shirt and felt a bit more like myself. he'd made free with my hospitality but also contributed, i saw. he'd brought the coffee, and there were another three apples on my pantry shelf. the crowning gift was a loaf of bread that had been kneaded full of raisins and cinnamon. a dusting of sparkling sugar crowned the round loaf. it sat amid its wrappings like a king on a throne. i didn't touch any of it. instead, i drank three dippers full of water from my water cask, and then washed my face and combed my unruly hair back into order. i was mortified by my terror and humiliated that he had seen it. and try as i might, i could not forget that clear peal of mocking laughter.

hitch opened my door, stamped the loose snow off his feet, and came in, shutting the door firmly behind him. it was full dark outside now. "ain't you cut up that bread yet? it's best toasted," he greeted me, as if he had not seen me quaking like a coward.

i was grateful that he'd turned the subject aside and yet shamed even more that he did. "i'll do it now," i said humbly.

i cut thick slices of the fragrant bread, and we improvised toasting forks to warm it by my fire. the heat released the scent and flavor into the room. we both ate it greedily, dunking the slices in the hot coffee and then devouring the dripping edges. as i ate, i could almost feel my courage coming back to me, as if i sated something more than hunger. hitch watched me knowingly, and after a time, i could not stand it.