"the ones in the old tower. it is well and truly haunted. many have heard the ghosts moaning and wailing and making a terrible noise."

tephanie crosses herself, then turns to me. "here is your clean chemise, my lady."

i set down my wine and shrug out of my robe. tephanie's cheeks pinken with embarrassment as she helps me into my shift. "my lady is growing thin," she murmurs. "you must try to eat more."

while i cannot help but wish she were less observant, i am inexplicably touched that she has noticed.

"it does not help your looks any that you insist on wearing all these dark colors," jamette says, holding out a gown of patterned black brocade. "it makes you appear unnaturally pale." what she chafes at is that my complexion is fairer than hers.

"i'm afraid my time at the convent of saint brigantia has lessened my love of material luxuries," i tell her. since rejoining d'albret's household, i have worn nothing but somber colors-not because of some newfound piousness, but out of respect for all those d'albret has murdered.

tephanie hands me the silver chain from which my special crucifix hangs and helps to fasten it about my waist. the chain also holds nine glass rosary beads, one for each of the old saints and every one of them filled with poison. "if we hurry," she says, "we can attend mass this morning."

i glance up at her. "do you want to attend mass?"

she shrugs. "it seems like a good day for it."

"tephanie, my little mouse, what forgiveness must you pray for?" her sins can only be those of a small child-the wanting of a sweet or a new gown. but she blushes in embarrassment, and i am pricked with guilt for having teased her. "go," i tell her. "attend your mass."

her face falls. "you mean, alone?"

"i do not wish to pray for forgiveness."

"although, heavenly father knows, you need it more than most," jamette mutters. i pretend i do not hear her but add it to her long list of transgressions.

"wait," i tell tephanie. "you are right. with rebels and ghosts lurking in every corner, it is not safe to wander this castle's halls." they do not catch my irony, but the truth is, we have more to fear from those who claim to protect us than from any rebel or spirit.

i tug my skirt into place and then hurry to one of my trunks. i retrieve two of my smaller knives and turn back to the others.

tephanie's eyes widen. "where did you get those?" she asks.

"from my brothers, goose, where do you think? here." i thrust one at her. "carry it from the chain at your waist. you, too." i hand the second one to jamette. "now, hurry along or you will miss your mass," i tell tephanie.

"but-"

"when you are done, come find us in the solar." realizing she will never leave unless i order her to, i add, "you are dismissed."

after a moment's hesitation, she bobs a curtsy and then, still clutching her knife, hurries from the room.

when she is gone, i sit down so jamette can dress my hair. in truth, i can do a better job myself, but it irks her to have to serve me, so i relish giving the task to her. it is almost not worth it, for she is intentionally ungentle and there are some days, like today, when i fear she will tug all the hair from my head. it makes me long for annith and ismae, their gentle hands and soothing ways. not to mention their razor-sharp wits. my heart twists with longing, hot and bitter.

as i glance resentfully at jamette's reflection in the mirror, i see she sports a new ring on her finger, fashioned of pearls and a ruby. a prize, no doubt, for carrying reports of my movements and actions back to my father. i cannot help but hate her for it; i already feel trapped and suffocated. knowing that she relays my every move to him makes it nearly impossible to breathe.

after i have dressed and broken my fast, there is nothing for it but to join the other ladies in the solar. i dare not attempt any spying today, as my father and his men will no doubt be extra alert in the days to come. i must be content with what i accomplished yesterday, for i did accomplish much, i remind myself. i saved the duchess from d'albret's trap and got tilde and odette to safety. there are many weeks when i am not granted any such victories.

with a resigned sigh, i grab my embroidery basket. at least i will have something entertaining to occupy my mind: plotting how best to kill the two marqued barons. smiling, i open my chamber door and nearly bump into-"julian!" i say, all the joy i have been feeling crumbling to dust. "what are you doing here so early?"

"i come to wish you a good morning, fair sister." he glances over at jamette, who is making calf eyes at him. "we must speak privately for a moment, if you please."

looking disappointed, she curtsies, and before i can think of an excuse to keep her near, she is gone. "what is it?" i ask, my face a picture of concern.

julian's face is carefully blank. "where were you last night?"

my heart thuds painfully against my ribs. "i was here in my room-where were you?"

he ignores my question. "then why did you not answer when i knocked?"

"i took a sleeping draft for the vile headache i had."

julian's face softens and he lifts his hand to tuck a strand of my hair in place. "i could have soothed away your headache, had i but known."

with all my secrets that he keeps hanging in the balance, i smile up at him and tap him playfully on the chest. "then next time, knock louder."

when he smiles back, i know that he believes me. as he lifts my hand and places a lingering kiss upon it, i wonder-for the hundredth time-how on earth i let the convent talk me into returning to my family.

chapter five

after a week of rain and being trapped inside the castle with d'albret and his raging suspicions, we are all at our wits' ends. i even more so than the others, for i have two kills i am eager to make, which is nearly impossible with so many underfoot.

since i have had nothing but time on my hands, i have considered my options carefully. sister arnette believed that arming me was her greatest challenge, since so few of death's handmaidens have ever had to maintain such a deceptive role for so long. she gave me nearly a dozen knives, most of them long and thin and easily concealed. i have lost four of them along the way, having to leave them with their victims. i also have a thick gold bracelet that holds a garrote wire, but i have no crossbow or throwing rondelles, since they are too difficult to hide or explain away.

since these barons are allies of my father, i must be subtle. if i leave a trail of murdered men behind me, d'albret will turn his household upside down in search of the one responsible. a stabbing might be blamed on some soldierly quarrel or a thief in the night, but a garroting would never be. and two such incidents would make d'albret suspicious and wary.

although poison is my least favorite weapon, it is often the best choice when subtlety is required. besides, with the plague having so recently come through nantes, it will be easy enough to make it appear as if these men simply fell ill and died.

getting the poison to them is more difficult than it should be. i cannot just slip it into their food, for they eat with the rest of the household, and as much as i dislike everyone here, i am not willing to poison them all. at least not yet.

i could place a candle filled with night whispers in each of their chambers, but there is a good chance some poor servant would light it for them and breathe its deadly fumes, and i have no wish to see more innocents die.

it might be possible to visit one of them bearing a flask of poisoned wine and promising seduction, but that would not work for them both. it would also be difficult to arrange, as jamette sticks to me like a thorn in soft flesh. julian, too, is watching me more closely than normal, ever since he found me up on the north tower.

saint arduinna's snare then, but i will have to be careful in choosing which of their personal items to poison-i must be sure that only the intended victims will touch them.

in the end, it is julliers who provides an answer to my problem. he is fastidious about his hands and has more gloves than i have gowns. i find it easy enough to leave the great hall early one night, slip into both barons' rooms while they and their squires are at their dinners, and apply the poison to the insides of their hunting gloves. still, it is a close thing, as i run into jamette on my way back to the hall.

"where have you been?" she asks.

"i went to the privy," i tell her shortly. "shall i invite you to come with me next time?"

she wrinkles her nose and falls into step beside me. the small jar of poison is a heavy weight in my pocket, one i would rather have taken back to my room as soon as possible. instead, with jamette's discovering me, i have no choice but to return to the hall with the evidence of my crime still upon me.

two days later, the rain finally lifts, and we are all eager to be out of the palace, which has begun to feel far too much like a prison. julian, pierre, and some of the barons, julliers and vienne among them, have arranged for a hunt, and it was not overly difficult to get myself and my ladies in waiting invited along. of course, i do not need to be on the hunt in order for the poison to work, but i prefer to see a job through to its end.

besides, i fear i shall go mad again if i do not get out of the castle, even for just a few hours.

the huntsman rides ahead, followed by the handlers and their dogs, who are churning and woofing and barking in their eagerness to be off the leash. i make certain to position myself near julliers and vienne but carefully avoid paying any attention to them lest someone should note my doing so.

pierre had been hoping for a deer, but the huntsman was unable to find a trail. which was perhaps good, since the ground is thick and muddy after more than a week of rain, and the horses could easily founder and risk breaking a leg if we were to chase deer. instead, we will be hunting for small game, and so have brought our falcons.

my own sits on my wrist, her small leather hood with its bright red and blue feathers covering her eyes and keeping her calm amid the commotion. julian gave her to me for my twelfth birthday. when i ran away to the convent, he watched over her for the full three years i was gone, as if knowing i'd be back. when i returned, she'd grown so used to him that at first she would go only to his wrist, not mine.

just outside the city wall, my falcon grows agitated, turning her head from side to side and causing the tiny silver bells on her jesses to tinkle. we have reached the very place where the duchess's men met their deaths but a handful of days ago, and i wonder if the sensitive creature can feel the lingering presence of death. the heartbreaking bellow of the last knight as he went down echoes in my ears, unnerving me.

"is everything all right?"

i look up to find julian has nudged his mount closer to mine.

i shoot him a glance, careful to hide my agitation and fill my expression with annoyance. "other than half our party being fools? yes, except for that, everything is fine."

he smiles. "i am glad you decided to come. i should have expired of boredom otherwise. i might even have had to shoot one of the barons, just for entertainment. they would all be grateful if they knew that your presence has spared them such a fate."

his words strike a chord of unease. is he fishing? does he suspect that i am behind the scattered deaths in our party over the last few months? i twist my mouth in a cruel smile. "do not feel you must resist shooting them on my account. i could do with some entertainment as well."

julian laughs, a rich easy sound that does much to alleviate my concerns. "watching pierre seduce baron vienne's wife out from under his nose should be amusing enough."

i turn my gaze to pierre. he is flirting outrageously with a buxom lady in vermilion velvet. i cannot help but wonder what she sees in him. he is thickly muscled and barrel-chested like our father, and he wears his black hair long and straight. his mouth is full and red, like a girl's.

there is no love lost between pierre and me. when he was twelve years old, he wanted to prove that he was no mere boy but a man full grown, and did so by forcing my first kiss on me when i was but nine years of age.

i was so startled by the kiss, so taken aback and affronted at this violation of my person, that i retaliated in the only way i knew how: i kissed him back. i didn't simply return the kiss while his lips were already planted on my own. instead, i waited until he was busy polishing our lord father's armor, sauntered up to him as i had seen marie the upstairs maid do to one of the men-at-arms, grabbed his smooth cheeks in my hands, and smacked him soundly on his lips.

the scar that adorns his left eyebrow is from where i whacked him with our father's scabbard when he tried to force a second kiss.

but while i rarely have occasion to feel grateful to pierre, today i do. if pierre is courting vienne's wife, any suspicion over her husband's death will fall on their shoulders rather than mine.

i turn to julian with a sly smile. "how long will it take baron vienne to realize that pierre is cuckolding him?"

julian smiles back. "not long, for pierre will not truly enjoy himself until he can rub the baron's nose in it."

since we are speaking of the baron, i allow my gaze to drift over to him and julliers. i can feel the rapid beating of their hearts-as if two horses are galloping far in the distance, just beyond true hearing. beads of sweat have begun to form on julliers's brow, but vienne shows no signs of distress. he is heavier than julliers and so will no doubt need to absorb more poison before his symptoms begin in earnest.

before either julian or i can say anything further, the huntsman sounds his horn. it is time to hunt.