Chapter 79

I stared at the enemy leader.

As soon as I was done observing a moment of silence, I locked my eyes on him just in case he lost his sanity and went crazy.

However, the enemy leader remained still as a statue. He didn’t move a muscle.

At first, I thought he wasn’t moving because he couldn’t, since his limbs were all severed. But then, I realized that he had even lost the will to make a last-ditch move. Just looking at his back, I could tell he had lost everything he cared about.

After a moment, Kim Hyeong-Jun, who was beside me, looked me in the eye.

‘Something’s wrong.’

‘What now.’

‘His flesh isn’t melting.’

‘...’

‘He’s not going through any changes even after he’s confirmed his daughter’s death. You don’t think he lied to us, do you?'

I didn’t have an answer. I wondered if it was because the enemy leader didn’t witness his daughter die in front of his eyes. But at the same time, I realized that it didn’t change the fact that she was no longer in this world. I couldn’t figure out why nothing was happening to the enemy leader.

I approached the enemy leader cautiously. He was crying silently.

I sat near the enemy leader, about a meter away, and waited for him to speak.

The enemy leader, who had been sobbing silently for a while, managed to collect himself.

“People are really.. cunning..”

I didn't say anything. I wondered what he was trying to say.

The enemy leader sighed and looked up at the night sky, then closed his eyes.

“These shoes.. These are the shoes I bought for my daughter when she came to visit on a weekend, about four years ago.”

‘...’

“I bought them for her even though she told me she didn’t like sneakers. Back then, she told me she would never wear them unless a war broke out or something. But look at her. She did eventually wear them.”

The enemy leader smiled a futile smile.

“Back then, I was disappointed when she said she’d never wear them. But she eventually did wear them..”

I didn’t say anything to him. It seemed right to just sit and listen. The enemy leader took a deep breath.

“How about it? Did I seem like a father who cared about his daughter?”

‘What?’

“I'm sorry to say you’re out of luck. My desire isn’t to protect my daughter. I knew this from the beginning, but I just tried to act like it was.”

‘So you’ve been lying to me this whole time? Then what is your desire?'

The enemy leader did not answer my question. I wondered if he was still embarrassed to reveal his desire, even when we had come this far.

I wondered what it would take him to open up. Hitting him? Or just giving him time?

I grew extremely annoyed but I knew the latter was the right choice. I knew there was a limit to solving problems through violence. Especially when it came to those who weren’t afraid of death, like him.

As I waited patiently, the enemy leader shook his head and smiled faintly. He looked at me with eyes filled with tears.

“My desire is.. to have a sense of belonging.”

A tear leaked out from the corner of one eye. The enemy leader bit his lip and continued, "I.. I've been alone all my life. It was the same when I started my own family.”

The enemy leader had a melancholic expression. His heart seemed full of sadness.

A sense of belonging.. That seemed to explain his life as a whole.

The enemy leader raised his eyebrows and continued, “I didn’t want to live as a gireogi appa from the beginning. Life passed by, and as I worked every day for a better future.. I was a gireogi appa before I even realized it.”

“...”

“I thought living apart would be temporary.. But it soon became my reality.”

Tears began to fall freely from his eyes. He seemed so pitiful, crying while having no arms or legs.

Feeling bitter, I smacked my lips and asked, 'So what?'

“Looking back at my life, I realized that I was a poor, pitiful soul. In fact, I felt so pitiful that I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

'Then you should’ve just gone back to your family when you were still alive.'

“If I did go back, who would put food on the table and a roof over our heads? My wife devoted her entire life to looking after our children. I wanted to send my children to good schools, good private academies, good colleges, and hire good tutors for them. I wanted to give them the world.”

‘Is that why you hid and ignored your true feelings? For that long?’

“Time is relative. For some, it feels like it goes by in an instant, but for others, it feels like an eternity. I got used to being alone, and I just happened to walk down that road in silence, without much thought. The long road came to an end when I died, and only then did I realize my inner desire.”

‘Is that why you couldn’t leave the gang earlier?'

The enemy leader closed his eyes and nodded.

After realizing that his desire was a sense of belonging, he fulfilled his desire by being part of an organization, this so-called Family.

But that got me wondering why he didn’t mutate when he was kicked out of Jongno. I asked the enemy leader about it right away.

The enemy leader bit his lip and hesitated for a moment, but then sighed and said, “It’s not like we wrote up a contract or something. On what grounds would my desire remain fulfilled?”

‘What?’

“My leaving Jongno did not mean that my desire was shattered. I just need to believe that I left of my own will, and that I still was a member of the Family.”

‘And you’re saying that’s possible?'

“I’m pretty sure I mentioned it in the past. There’s no way you can know a person’s desire until you eat their brain after they’ve turned into a black creature.”

I nodded, and the enemy leader took a deep breath and continued where he had left off.

“There are also desires that cannot be shattered. In fact, it’d be more accurate to say there are some that are indestructible. There are more zombies with more fluid standards like me than zombies with absolute standards like you. So you’d better watch out.”

My mind started to swirl after listening to the enemy leader.

The more I learned about these zombies with glowing red eyes, it only got more confusing. I felt as though I were navigating a labyrinth.

I shook my head. I still had questions for the enemy leader.

‘Then.. Why did you say you wanted to kill the boss of the Family?'This chapter was originally shared via N0/vel/Biin.

“That was a lie. I had no intention of killing the boss in the first place. It's true that I don’t like the boss, but on what grounds would I kill the boss, especially since I hadn’t done anything?”

‘Then why did you keep me alive instead of killing me? Did you really need a reason?'

“I didn’t lie about that. I had to trick the officers, and I needed a reason to protect Shelter Seoul Forest since my daughter was here. But ultimately, I wanted someone who was in the same shoes as me, to stand with me.”

‘In the same shoes?’

“A zombie with glowing red eyes that lived for humans, but one that had also tasted human flesh.”

His answer shocked me.

To live for the sake of humans, but have to taste human flesh as well? I got chills all over my body.

How long did this person spend alone for him to become the person he was right then?

At that moment, I recalled an early conversation I’d had with the enemy leader back at the apartment.

I’d told him that he was too selfish.

I finally realized why I thought that way.

Because of his loneliness, he had changed into the person he was in order to stay sane. I wondered if the enemy leader knew that what he was doing to stay sane was the most insane thing to do.

You didn’t have to be in the same shoes to understand each other.

As human beings, being able to understand each others’ differences and being able to come to a consensus when different opinions clash was achieved through communication.

It seemed like the enemy leader had gotten so used to the loneliness that he’d given up on approaching others first, which caused him to be trapped in his own world. Even then, though, he unconsciously dreamed of a sense of belonging.

I looked at the enemy leader.

'It wasn’t your circumstances that made you feel lonely. It’s on you. You didn't try to understand others. No wonder you had no choice but to live a lonely life.'

“Think whatever you want. You won’t be able to understand it, no matter how much I try to explain.”

‘Look at how you are right now. Who would understand you when you can’t explain your own feelings clearly?’

“Then should I go around telling everyone that I’m lonely at my age?”

The enemy leader arched an eyebrow. As I looked at him, I began to understand where he was coming from.

We had lived in different eras.

I've lived in an era where I was used to talking and having conversations, but the enemy leader was a man well past his sixties. Men from his era believed that staying silent and stoic was the right thing to do, and were taught that patience was a cardinal virtue.

I wondered if the enemy leader had endured loneliness all this time because he didn’t know how to communicate with his family members. I wonder if he’d been trained, in a way, to keep silent, as that was what he’d learned while growing up.

The more I got to know about him, the more I pitied him.

But that didn’t give me a reason to spare his life.

After all, he’d killed people, lied to me, and even ate human flesh.

I looked at the enemy leader.

'I’m sorry, but I don’t see a reason to spare you.'

“I wasn’t expecting you to. Since I now know my daughter’s dead.. I don’t have any regrets either..”

The enemy leader closed his eyes, his expression serene.

“It’s been.. a long, exhausting journey for me. I just want some rest now.”

'Isn't there something you should be telling me before you go?'

“Hehe, yes. What good would it be to hide anything from you anymore?”

The enemy leader shook his head, as though sensing the futility of life. He offered a faint smile.

“If you want to know about the mutants, look carefully into the zombie’s eyes. Some of them won’t look away from your glare. Those are the ones that have the capacity to become mutants.”

‘Have the capacity to become a mutant? What are you talking about?'

“They start to realize.”

‘Realize what?’

"Didn't you have a dream before you turned into a zombie?"

'A dream? I did. In the dream, I felt like a transparent glass wall was blocking my way.’

“The ordinary zombies you see were ones that couldn't break that glass wall. You can consider the ones out on the streets as zombies in their cocoons, still living out their dreams.”

When I nodded, the enemy leader sighed and continued, “Those that can become mutants.. They are the ones that have realized that they were dreaming all along.”

'So you're saying they’re the ones who snapped back to reality? Like they got themselves together?'

“No. What good would it be to just recognize that you’re in a dream when you can’t even break the glass wall?”

'What do you mean? So you're saying that they’re mutating into black creatures?’

“Think before you blurt out anything. How can a zombie in a cocoon metamorphose when it hasn't even broken out from its shell?”

His nagging infuriated me. I frowned, then asked in a frustrated tone, 'Then what is it?'

“Nothing. If a chick doesn't break out of its shell on its own, it just dies inside. They are literally walking corpses.”

‘Aren’t they already walking corpses?'

“Have you ever ordered zombies to kill themselves?”

I couldn't answer the enemy leader’s question. I never ordered any of my underlings to commit suicide.

There were times when I had to kill my underlings, given their circumstances, but I never deliberately ordered them to commit suicide.

Noticing my silence, the enemy leader raised an eyebrow.

“I know you’re not the type of person to give such orders. If you order them to commit suicide, most of them will thank you. The zombies have terminal lucidity. But the ones that deserve to become mutants just follow orders without any change to their facial expressions.”

‘Those who deserve.. Are they the ones that are emotionless and have no hope whatsoever?’

"You’re right. That's why they don’t look away when you look them in the eyes. They don’t even have survival instincts left in them.”

The enemy leader looked at me calmly.

I didn't understand clearly what the enemy leader was saying, but I could vaguely piece it together. He sneered and continued, “It seems like whatever I said was a bit difficult to understand. Let me give you an easy example. There’s at least one TV drama or movie that you like right?”

‘A TV drama I like.. I used to have one.'

“What do you do after that drama ends?”

‘Umm.. I look for another one to watch?'

“That's what they want. Another new drama. All they do is kill and eat humans and zombies in order to continue their dreams.”

At that moment, I remembered the mutant I’d seen at Silence's second defense line.

The mutant had eaten the boy who was desperately looking for his mother, and then smiled horrendously while imitating the boy’s voice.

The pieces finally started to fit together, one by one.

These mutants.. They were similar to the black creatures, but had a different wavelength to them.

They were perhaps even more corrupt than the black creatures.