Chapter 5: Love Makes People Live in Someway

“Li...fe?”

My eyes opened wide. Did this mean that she was threatened with the premise of marriage?

Maybe it’s a story about livelihood. Because Mrs. Kerney must have been married around the same time as my mother.

“Yes, exactly.”

Madame added with a smile.

“Can I come in?”

“Oh! Of course, ma’am.”

I hurriedly opened the door. Mrs. Kearney, wearing an old apron over the faded poplin dress, gently entered the room.

She sat straight on an armchair, and I sat on the bed facing her.

“Then should I tell you? Because I think I know why my lady asked about this.”

“....Yes, please.”

I decided to listen to her talk without saying anything,

“Where should I start? That I was the youngest daughter of a poor and low-ranking landlord and had no property to inherit? Oh, by the way, there was no dowry.”

“He was a man of both dignity and culture. I fell in love at first sight, and I followed him out of the house.”

“Left the house....?”

“There was a time when I was rebellious too.”

As I was startled by that, Mrs. Kearney covered her mouth and laughed.

“I have to say, but he couldn’t afford it either. He’s not the eldest son, so he didn’t inherit the title. We live in a shabby cottage in a rural Village in the north, He immediately enlisted in the military to earn a living, and then....”

“You know it.”

Of course I knew. Shortly thereafter, she became a widow.

Mrs. Kearney had a calm face, but somehow I felt awkward and didn’t know what to do. It was not an emotion that I could relate or sympathize with

“There were just a few celebrators for us and I was barely holding a bouquet made of wild flowers, but I wasn’t ashamed. Everything was beautiful.”

“There was a time when I thought I would die if I didn’t marry him. Is it because I love him so passionately? After he left, the only thing that keeps me alive is the memory of that time.”

I was worried that Mrs. Kerney’s eyes might tear up, but fortunately, she only had a gentle and young smile on her face.

I didn’t know Madam had this story. It struck me in a strange way that madam, who always wore an old bonnet and worked tirelessly around the house with her rough hands, also had her splendid days.

A bright sparkle that only love could give. I’ve never even felt that way.

“.. weren’t you afraid? Because of the worry that your husband might not accept your heart....”

“Why? Because I was just a humble woman who had nothing?”

When Mrs. Kearney smiled, her rabbit-like front teeth were clearly revealed.

“N, no, that’s not what I meant. It’s just.. When you fall in love.... One would feel low and think poorly of their own self.”

Because that person was so dazzling and high. When added quietly, madam smiled with a hum.

“I’m kidding. I know what you’re talking about, sweetheart. Literally. He was a wonderful man and was a woman who didn’t have anything in particular.”

Mrs. Kearney’s words reminded me of Alan again. Exactly, something like an inseparable gap between me and him.

“But I wasn’t in a situation to think about such details.”

“Why?”

“Because I had to live.”

“....was it a matter of livelihood?”

“No, Melissa. If your love for him is as hot as if you swallowed fire, and if you don’t spit it out....

“If you don’t confess your feelings right away, you’ll burn to death.”

It was unfamiliar to see Mrs. Kearney, who was about fifty years old, told her love story with her eyes gleaming like a 20-year-old girl.

“When I gave my heart clumsily, he accepted my heart. It’s worth being called a miracle.”

“....He loved madam from the beginning, too.”

“I don’t know. Was it because of my courage? Maybe it was sympathy.”

“Sym...pathy?”

Hearing Mrs. Kearney’s subsequent reply made me regret asking.

“I still don’t know what the answer is. I’ll never know. Because he’s gone now.”

“I presumed it was sympathy because if he had rejected me, my marriage path would have been closed off as it was. I made such a clamorous confession.”

“....You were reckless.”

I muttered vaguely. The more I heard about Madam’s story, the more surprised I was. It was hard for me to understand that she left the house because of love....

Mrs. Kearney added, stroking the back of her wrinkled hand.

“When I think about it now, it makes me laugh. Maybe it was because I was young, but I wasn’t scared either.”

“But the fact that I feel like I can live my whole life with only a few years of memories makes me look back on how blessed I was to meet such a person.”

Many thoughts ran through my mind. In fact, my mind had become complicated the whole time I was listening to her story. I may or may not have known what was on madam’s mind.

The obvious thing was that she told a beautiful story. In the end, it was a memory of love that made Mrs. Kearney, who could have given up her life, ended up living again due to the shock of her loved one who suddenly left her.

I suddenly thought about this. Love makes people live in some way.

At the same time, I realized one thing. It was the fact that my feelings for Alan could not be called true love,

It might be embarrassing to name this feeling as love, which was not as rational as my mother, neither as dependent as Viola nor desperate as Mrs. Kearney

Because what I liked was just his appearance. Like Alan Leopold’s upright beauty and elegance, also his aura that did not blend with others.

Although he looked cold, I once imagined that Alan would actually have a heart as beautiful as his appearance. There were countless times I thought so. The time he laughed at me would be unforgettable,

“Let’s pretend we didn’t hear that.’

But it ended up as an imagination. I thought maybe it would have been better not to meet him, but soon! shook my head.

It was one of the most special events I’ve ever encountered in my lame life.

If I had been a little more worthy for that, his kindness might not have been just an imagination.

Thinking so, I quickly accepted it, even though my heart ached.

The attendant passed by the table where I was sitting and came back with backwards steps. The water jug was tilted over the opening of the glass when there was not much water left.

“.... Oh, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, miss.”

He answered in a calm voice and started walking again. The little amount of coffee left at the bottom of the cup had already cooled down, and there was a thin, yellow frothy strip that had dried up around it.

I didn’t know how many more ridiculous things existed in the world, but I came to Antris Coffee Shop. Theld the collection of love poems in my arms that I bought when I bumped into Alan yesterday.

A few minutes after the attendant filled the glass of water, I turned the pages to the last chapter of the poetry book. I thought there were only a few more pages left, but it was the last chapter.

“Phew..”

I didn’t know myself either. They say love makes you a fool, and ever since yesterday, I’ve only been doing things that I couldn’t even understand.

My crush was not so extreme or sublime, but kept on showing off its strong presence, and I repeatedly gave in. I admit it. I’ve been noticeably agitated since I met him.

I didn’t really expect him to show up. The probability that he would come all the way here to meet me wasn’t even close to zero, it was literally zero.

Even though I knew it so clearly, my eyes went to the door right away whenever the doorbell rang. That’s why I spent a long time reading all these small poems.

And of course, no one who entered this coffee shop was Alan Leopold.

The sky had turned red when I looked up through the wide window. Coincidentally, it was around the time we met.

“...I’m just like a fool.”

Without realizing it, I let out a muffled mumble. It was so low that no one could hear it.

Tomorrow Viola will come back to Florin, I should have met her. Thinking like that, I raised my tired body.

The way back home was dull. Love seemed to give some people the strength to continue on with their lives and for others it was a heaven they could lean on, but why was mine so ironic?

Is it all my problem?

“..maybe it is.”

I was drenched in emotions after reading the book of love poems, and on my way home, I felt as if I could hear the sound of two footsteps but there was only a lonely wind blowing on the road.

Even at the coffee shop and after leaving the coffee shop, it was clear that I had been daydreaming again. Longing for someone to appear, such a frivolous daydream.

Getting lost in vain delusions seemed tos be my passionate hobby.

“Welcome, lady.”

But when I got home, Julia, who greeted me, said something strange.

“Greg was here. He just left. It’s been a while since he came, right? He even brought me some very good quality beef this time.”

“I see. I’ll be able to eat Mrs. Kerney’s beef stew tonight.”

I answered in moderation and stretched my arms backward to make it easier for Julia to take off my coat.

“Oh, Greg said he saw you today? In the city.”

“Really? Why didn’t he greet me? Was I too far from him?

“No, the lady was occupied by someone, so he didn’t say hello.”

Even though Julia took off my coat, I stopped without straightening my arms. I wasn’t with anyone even for a brief moment today.

“Julia, I was alone.”

“I heard a tall man in black attire was walking behind you, miss. He was quite close. He could only see you both walking together....”

“What..?”

“Lady, you don’t have to pretend to be flustered. Mrs. Collins already liked him throughout the time when she heard you already met the man named Toby.”

While Julia was chattering excitedly, I felt my fingertips tingling coldly.

“I heard he had long hair that covered his face. Is the lady okay with it? If you want to go on another date, tell him to cut it right away,”

“Julia.”

As I continued to listen to her, I got goosebumps. I quickly cut off the girl’s words.

“Lady, are you angry? I just...”

“No, it’s not like that..... I’ve been alone all day today. Really.”

“What?”

“I didn’t even reply to a person named Tobias.”

Only then did Julia close her mouth with a serious face.

“I didn’t know because the streets were so crowded during the day. But now that I think about it.....”

“On my way home, I felt like there were other footsteps.....”

I don’t know the reason nor purpose, but it seemed that the suspicious man was following me

“Lady..”

I wondered who he was if it wasn’t a ghost.