Chapter 493: Agonizing (3)

“I'm home,” said Kang Jin-Ho as he stepped through the front door.

Kang Eun-Yeong in hot pants came rushing toward him. “Orabiii! You're finally home!”

She jumped into his embrace even before Kang Jin-Ho had time to respond. He gently patted her back before slowly pushing her away. “So... Nothing happened, right?”

Kang Eun-Yeong nodded. “Obviously. What could happen at home, anyway?”

“Indeed...” Kang Jin-Ho sneakily scanned his sister from top to bottom, then asked her another question while taking his shoes off. “Why does it feel like you're at home every day lately?”

“I got some free time after the festival season ended, you see? In a little while, though, I'll enter a new album cycle, so things will get se-ri-ously busy for me. You could say this is my last supper?”

“Is that right?” Kang Jin-Ho tilted his head while stepping into the living room. He settled down on the couch and looked around. “Where is Mother?”

“She's out on a date.”

“A date?” Kang Jin-Ho's eyes opened a little wider.

“Yeah. She said dad was taking her out on a drive.”

“...O-oh, I see.”

Kang Eun-Yeong smirked a little at the flustered look on her brother's face. “What are you getting shocked about? Both you and I are adults now, aren't we? In that case, it's about time our parents start enjoying their marriage again.”

“Yes, you have a point.”

“We both make good money, anyway. They have nothing to worry about in that regard. So... They want to reclaim their lost youth. Something like that?” Kang Eun-Yeong suddenly began giggling excitedly like a little girl.

Kang Jin-Ho groaned softly under his breath. “Okay. What about you, though? Any problems at work?”

“Ng? What problems?”

“I heard it's very stressful in the entertainment industry.”

“Stressful?” Kang Eun-Yeong tilted her head in confusion. She seemed to ponder something before a smirk spread on her face. “Yeah, it can be stressful, but quitting because of stress? Isn't that, like, way too entitled and immature? Remember how hard I had to work back then as a trainee to become an idol, oppa? I'm finally living my dream, so how dare I say something so immature like that?” n(0)vel(b)(j)(n)was the platform where this chapter was initially revealed on N0v3l.B1n.

“Mm...” Kang Jin-Ho weightily nodded.

“Sure, when I was so busy I couldn't even breathe... I did think about quitting this whole thing. But doesn't everyone with a job think about that at least once?”

“Mm. That's true.”

“Trying to make other people part with their hard-earned money can't be that simple, am I right? Even if it can be tough sometimes, it's all a part of my job description. Besides, how can I call it 'work' if it's not tough?”

Kang Jin-Ho silently nodded. Was it because Kang Eun-Yeong went through a lot of hardship as an idol hopeful? Her thoughts on this topic seemed quite mature. “In that case, no real problems, then?”

“Of course~!” Kang Eun-Yeong made a V sign with her fingers. “Except for my tummy getting larger, no problemo!”

Kang Jin-Ho tutted at that. “How about cutting down on snacks...?”

“Tell me to jump in a lake, why don'tcha!”

That confirmed it. Kang Eun-Yeong was hopeless.

Kang Jin-Ho faltered slightly, words stuck in his throat. Eventually, though, he shook his head. “Okay, got it. I'm gonna wash up.”

Kang Eun-Yeong looked dismayed. “Eh? I thought you wanted to ask me something, though?”

“Don't worry about it.”

“Eiii~. Don't sweat it, and just ask me, orabi. If you're dying to know more about your cute-as-buttons little sister's love life, I'm an open book, you know? You're curious, aren't you? Right? Right? You can't get a good night's sleep while worrying about your little sister dating some random punk, riiiight~?”

“...Who would want to date you?”

“Heeeeool...”

Kang Jin-Ho earnestly prayed for the souls of potential brother-in-law candidates. This little brat loved to parade around on TV screens as a pure, down-to-earth girl next door, yet in reality, she was like an old uncle with snack crumbs around her mouth who loved to lounge the whole day while scratching her exposed bulging tummy!

After tutting softly in dissatisfaction, Kang Jin-Ho asked another question. “What about your acting career, then?”

“Mm? I got another part in a TV show that's gonna go into production in the second half of the year. Aaaand it's another supporting role. Eh-whew... When will I get a lead role, I wonder?”

“Hey, you...”

“Yes, yes! I know, sir! I know that a kid whose main job is dancing and singing shouldn't underestimate all the hard work aspiring actors have put into their craft. That's why I've been getting acting lessons, though! I'm monitoring myself and waiting for my chances to gradually climb up the ladder, your highness! I sincerely beg of you to allow this ungrateful one to express her childish whining, at least in her own home!”

Kang Jin-Ho chuckled softly while getting up from the couch. He glanced at his sister one last time while heading to his room. “Never forget about your original goal, okay?”

“Got it, orabi. By the way, aren't you curious about my love life? Today's my big revelation day, you know?”

'...You can keep it to yourself, Eun-Yeong.'

***

After showering, Kang Jin-Ho jumped into his bed without doing anything else. What Jo Gyu-Min said didn't want to leave him alone even now.

'What I want to achieve...'

He thought it was like chasing after floating clouds. Just how many people actually found the so-called life's calling? Most of them simply lived their lives while not giving much thought to what they truly wanted to do. Humans were creatures that found small bits of random happiness peppered throughout their daily lives, now weren't they?

If the whole idea was about setting up a lofty-sounding goal for himself, Kang Jin-Ho might have done so by now. But the fact that he needed to search for what he really wanted to do instead of a lofty goal? That condition kept tripping him up and made him feel uneasy. Restless.

'What do I really want to do?'

Kang Jin-Ho slowly and carefully combed through his life, starting with his first attempt, the one where he lost his family and had to fight his disabled body.

Then, he looked back at his second life in Zhongyuan, where he had to do pretty much anything possible to survive. And finally, his third life. The one he was living in right now.

Each of the three lives were different. There didn't seem any common thread going through Kang Jin-Ho's three lives. No wonder he was having a hard time, then...

His wish to live an ordinary life could be interpreted as... No, it was no different from a desire to stop struggling for his survival. After all, wasn't Kang Jin-Ho's entire life a constant struggle? A bitter resistance?

Kang Jin-Ho's first life was a struggle against loneliness and his broken body. In the end, he couldn't win.

His second life was a battle against the fate that seemed to incessantly emphasize 'death' above all else. And he...

'...I lost that one, too.'

Kang Jin-Ho's expression slowly grew unreadable. Now that he took his time looking back at his lives, weren't they all failures? And he kept losing too, didn't he?

He thought he had established himself pretty well during the second life, but calmly looking back at the events that transpired back then made him realize something shameful. He lost himself in the endless pursuit of ever-greater strength and went mad before a betrayal ended his life. Since that was how it ended... Could he even call that a successful life?

Of course, categorizing a life into success or failure was way too debasing, but... Kang Jin-Ho was certain that no one would have wanted to live a life like that. Compared to that second life, his current one had improved by leaps and bounds. Even so...

'Right. Chief Jo is right about everything.'

Kang Jin-Ho was getting swept up in the flow. Indeed, he was simply going along with the events happening around him. He still hadn't set a goal for himself. Comparing himself to everyone around him clearly painted the picture.

Kang Jin-Ho never really?saw his actions as helpful in the traditional sense. That kind of egotistical thinking was never Kang Jin-Ho's style, to begin with. However, looking at it from a neutral, objective perspective... After receiving Kang Jin-Ho's help, Park Yu-Min found his footing and now, he was charging straight ahead toward his goal.

Even though Park Yu-Min stated that he didn't want to live a life devoted to winning pro gaming matches, he still poured every fiber of his being into polishing his skills during every waking moment.

What about Ju Yeong-Gi? He was so busy running the business that he could barely get a moment to breathe for himself. It was the same story for Kang Eun-Yeong, too.

If the competition was about who was the busiest, Kang Jin-Ho might be in the running to win the title. But what singled him out from everyone else was his utter lack of goal.

Everyone had a firm, clear goal they wanted to reach through their efforts. However, Kang Jin-Ho only responded whenever the situation demanded it. He didn't have a single thought on what he wanted to achieve through his own efforts.

'Maybe this was the problem all along?'

Like someone who knew it all, Kang Jin-Ho kept advising other people around him to be passionate about something, but... The truth was that he might be guilty of wasting his passion on useless things. However, realizing all these things still didn't help him resolve this homework. How was he supposed to find what he wanted to do?

His last two lives were about surviving and enduring, weren't they? In that case, how...?

Just as Kang Jin-Ho sighed weakly, a familiar song buzzed from his phone as his ringtone.

“Mm?” Kang Jin-Ho reached out and picked up the phone. Who would call him at this time of the night? Kang Jin-Ho confirmed Choi Yeon-Ha's name on the screen and chuckled slightly. “Hello?”

When he casually answered the call, though... A sharp yell suddenly hit him in his eardrum.

-What are you doing right now?!

Kang Jin-Ho was sure about this. Choi Yeon-Ha had to be the only person in the entire South Korea who could yell 'What are you doing right now' in this manner.

“...I'm about to go to bed.”

-You want to sleep so soon?

“Mm? But it's already bedtime for some people...?”

-Mister Jin-Ho, the time difference is only one hour, okay? Do you think I'm on the other side of the world?

“Oh, uh... I see.”

What a weird thing this was. The usual response when listening to such an irritating, attitude-giving voice was to get irritated himself. No one during Kang Jin-Ho's second life dared to give him an attitude like this, after all.

Even so, Kang Jin-Ho didn't feel unhappy. Actually, genial laughter was threatening to break out on his lips instead.

Kang Jin-Ho couldn't really tell why, though. Was it because he knew Choi Yeon-Ha always had been like this? Or because he knew she had no ill intentions behind her shrill words?

What he could tell, though... was that her cranky voice was comforting him a little bit right now.

“How is it over there? Are you still hanging on?”

-Over here, you say?

“Yes. In China.”

-It's the... woooooooorst!

“...”

-It's shocking! Disgusting! I can't think of any other place on Earth that's as shocking as this place! It's hot. It's humid. And all the bugs buzzing around, too! And the hygiene? It's so disgusting! And why does the filming location have to be so far away?! It takes ages to travel there. And all these pig-tailed idiots reeking of body odor are constantly trying to chat me up and, and...! Uwaaaaaah!

“...Oh.” Kang Jin-Ho grimaced slightly. It seemed he had stirred a hornet's nest just now.

He should try to calm the situation down somehow, but Choi Yeon-Ha didn't leave an opening to do that.

-Please shoot me dead if I want to join another overseas production, okay! None of the foods here suits me, and... What the freaking hell! Why do people on this side stuff their food with weird spices?! Every time I try something, I almost throw up from how unpalatable it is, so I tell Eun-Sol to go and buy me a burger or something from the nearest fast food outlet, but! But... Even a freaking burger tastes terrible here! What kind of nonsense is this?!

Kang Jin-Ho silently expressed his condolences to Han Eun-Sol. Since Choi Yeon-Ha was expressing her dissatisfaction this viscerally over the phone, Han Eun-Sol as her manager must be half-dead by now.

“Yes, that sounds tough,” said Kang Jin-Ho.

-Is that all you have to say?!

“Sorry?”

-I'm calling you to whine about how difficult it's been for me, yet that's all you can say to comfort me?! I know you're a character from the Joseon era, okay? I might not have seen your family genealogy, but your actions tell me you're from an upstanding and historic noble family, okay?! Even so! Can't you be more intense, ng?! Be more caring, okay!

Kang Jin-Ho nearly fell off his bed, his mind almost thrown into panic. He barely managed to grab hold of his fading consciousness and chuckled hollowly. “I, uh... I'm not sure what to say, actually.”

-Argh, it's fine! It's my fault for expecting something from you, anyway!

That kind of sounded like a thinly veiled insult, but Kang Jin-Ho didn't feel irritated by it. What a mystery that was.

Kang Jin-Ho coughed to clear his throat and tried again. "Okay, so... Is the going that tough?"

-Yes, it is.

“You're going through a lot, Miss Yeon-Ha.”

-Yes, I am going through a ton of stuff. And I would have felt a bit better if only you sounded a little more compassionate, you know?!

“I, uh, I'll do better next time.”

-Hmm... I'll believe in your lies this time.

Kang Jin-Ho clamped his mouth shut. Now that he thought about it, wasn't Choi Yeon-Ha yelling at him through the phone... someone he should learn the most from?

After all, she flew to a foreign country and took on all this hardship so that she could continue chasing after her dream, now didn't she?

“Excuse me, Miss Yeon-Ha?”

-Yes?

“I wanted to ask you about something...”

-Okay? I'm listening.

Kang Jin-Ho carefully wet his lips. How should he frame his question to accurately convey his thoughts to Choi Yeon-Ha? Since he didn't have the gift of gab, finding the right words proved to be difficult.

In the end, Kang Jin-Ho chose to be direct. “Miss Yeon-Ha, why are you willing to go so far?”

-I'm sorry?

Choi Yeon-Ha's dismayed—maybe flabbergasted—question jumped out of the phone's speaker.