Chapter 494: Agonizing (4)

“As far as I know, you're supposed to be South Korea's top actor,” said Kang Jin-Ho.

-You know... That 'supposed to be' bit is getting on my nerves. It's not 'supposed to be', but I am THE top actor in the country, I'll have you know!

“...Ah. Of course.” Kang Jin-Ho grimaced slightly. Most 'normal' people wouldn't get hung up on something like that. No wonder regular folks found it very tricky to converse with Choi Yeon-Ha. “In any case... You've acquired everything you might want in Korea already, so why did you choose to go to China and throw yourself into this... hardship? You could've been satisfied by South Korea's...

-Mister Jin-Ho, are you an idiot?

“I'm sorry?”

-Are you seriously asking me that now? Really?!

It seemed something had gone terribly wrong somewhere! Cold sweat flooded down Kang Jin-Ho's spine. Choi Yeon-Ha's dismayed voice was like an icy dagger mercilessly stabbing into the bottom of his heart.

Kang Jin-Ho didn't tense up this much when the world's strongest martial artist at the time, Master Monk Hui Ren of Shaolin, attacked him with the Vajra Demon-Subduing Palm technique back then, so why...!

-Why you...! How can you be so...!

“...Mm.”

-Urgh...!

Kang Jin-Ho could hear some things tumbling and breaking on the other side of the line. So, he quietly closed his eyes. He must've done something wrong, but figuring out what that could be was beyond him.

Thankfully, though, his years of experience taught him that the best response in this situation was to grovel on the floor. “Kuh-hum. First of all, let me apologize and..”

-What are you apologizing for?

“N-no, well...”

-Don't apologize if you don't even know what for! Besides, you are not someone who should lower his head like that, anyway! You doing that really hurts my pride, you know? Do you get what I'm trying to say here, Mister Jin-Ho?

“Oh, of course.” Kang Jin-Ho quickly replied even though he wasn't sure why Choi Yeon-Ha's pride would be wounded by him lowering his head and apologizing. The more he talked to this woman, the harder it was to figure her out.

-Even if I'm followed by misfortune, how can I be this unlucky? It's not like I've sold out my country in my past life, now is it? Just why did it have to be this guy out of every man on Earth...!

“Huh? I don't follow, Miss Yeon-Ha.”

-...No, forget what I said. Okay, so...! What are you trying to ask me?

“Oh, that...” Kang Jin-Ho faltered slightly. What was he talking about? He urgently searched for the right words to say this time. It seemed a better... Or a more in-depth explanation was needed. “It's just that... Someone asked me something recently, you see. I was asked about what I really wanted to achieve in my life. Something like that...”

-I see. I see that a nosy random someone has butted in and offered advice when not asked.

This was the moment of Chief Secretary Jo Gyu-Min, who had been steadily sprinting along the path of success in society, being demoted to a nosy nobody who couldn't tell when to keep his mouth shut.

Kang Jin-Ho guffawed at this inexplicable refreshing feeling. “Yes, something like that. That question made me realize I don't have anything like a goal. So I kept looking around me and saw you pursue the goal you genuinely wanted to achieve. That's why I wanted to ask how you could do it.”

-Hnnng...

Choi Yeon-Ha made a weird-sounding snort. The snort itself wasn't all that strange, but the intent behind it had this power to shrink anyone listening to it.

-Oho, so you thought you'd ask me?

“Yes.”

-Hmm...

Somehow, Kang Jin-Ho could picture Choi Yeon-Ha's expression brightening on the other side of the line.

-Well, since that's the case, I will forgive you for what you said earlier. Everyone under the sun knows you're insensitive, anyway. At least you earned some brownie points with me by sharing your worries like this. Congratulations.

“Sorry?”

-You're supposed to say 'Thank you' in this case!

.

“...I see. Thank you.”

-No need to mention it.

This wasn't a session of 'Force Kang Jin-Ho into kowtowing!' so why... Rather than kowtowing, maybe just tuck his tail between his legs? In any case, he was somewhat flummoxed by the flow of this conversation.

-Okay, so... Since you asked a question, it's only correct for me to answer it somehow. Mister Jin-Ho, you don't have anyone around you who is more passionate about their life? That's what you're implying, right?

No, not to that extent...?

Kang Jin-Ho figured there was no need to correct Choi Yeon-Ha on this one. Besides, if they went beyond the category of 'passion' and counted who invested the most to reach their dreams, then it was.. true that no one was more committed than Choi Yeon-Ha, anyway!

“Yes, something like that.”

-Hnng.

It sounded like Choi Yeon-Ha's snorts were going up in pitch? Maybe her nose was pointing up at the heavens right about now?

-Since you're earnestly pleading with me for my wisdom, how can I not satiate your curiosity?

'I haven't pleaded with you, though...?'

Kang Jin-Ho got the feeling that something about this conversation had gone off-track.

-The secret to how I can be so passionate about my work to the point of going this far is...!

“Yes?” Kang Jin-Ho tensed up slightly.

Despite her antics, Choi Yeon-Ha was undoubtedly at the top of her profession. However, she was still not satisfied and decided to take on tougher challenges to reach even greater heights. There should be plenty to learn from such an individual.

Choi Yeon-Ha finally revealed her secret.

-I don't have any.

“...Huh?”

-I said, I don't have any secret something.

'Deflated' must feel like this, then. Kang Jin-Ho sensed all of his strength suddenly abandon him. “Wait a sec...”

Before he could say something, Choi Yeon-Ha started firing a barrage of words first.

-Every now and then, you hear about people having this belief. Folks who achieve some kind of success in a profession must have something special about them that separates them from the rest. To expand upon that, we think that successful people must've put in more effort, be more passionate and driven and operate with a different mindset from all of us. Something like that?

“Mm...” Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded after agreeing with that. Even he thought that could be the case with some people.

-However, with my job being what it is, I get to meet lots of people who are at the top of our profession. And you know what? They aren't all that different from you and me. They just... live like everyone else, you know what I mean? Let's be real here, shall we? Do you think me shooting a TV show in China is actually hard work? Plenty of people in Korea must do graveyard shifts multiple times a month and can see the inside of their homes only in the early dawn, you know? Those people must be having a much tougher time than me, wouldn't you say?

“Y-yes, that's true.” Kang Jin-Ho frowned slightly. When he thought about it, Choi Yeon-Ha was right.

-The secret to my success isn't much of a secret. I only have one thing that separates me from everyone else.

“I see. What will that be?”

-My looks.

Kang Jin-Ho clamped his mouth shut and stared outside the window at Choi Yeon-Ha's way-too forthright, nay, brazen, reply. That dark and dreary night sky seemed to perfectly mirror Kang Jin-Ho's mind right now.

'Yup, I chose the wrong person to share my worries with.'

Kang Jin-Ho belatedly realized how stupid it was of him to discuss this kind of matter with Choi Yeon-Ha. Didn't he already have so many people who could give him realistic advice? So why did he choose Choi Yeon-Ha, of all people?

No wonder Kang Jin-Ho was betrayed by his close confidante and got stabbed to death! His eyes for people utterly sucked. While Kang Jin-Ho was reflecting on how pathetic he was, his ears were assaulted by Choi Yeon-Ha's sharp voice.

-Why aren't you saying anything?!

“N-no, wait. I'm still listening.”

-You were thinking about how pathetic I was, weren't you?

“...”

-Don't you know the polite thing to say is, 'No, ma'am, that's not it'?!

“T-that wasn't it, Miss Yeon-Ha.”

Kang Jin-Ho could hear loud huffing and panting coming from the phone's speaker. However, the huffing soon transformed into laughter.

-Well, not much I can do if you think that way. It is true, after all. Do you want me to be more blunt about it? Okay. I am really good at acting. However, let's say there's someone who can act even better than me. Twice as good. So good that people watching that person on set will get goosebumps. But that version's looks aren't even half as good as mine. In that case, would that person become as famous as I am?

“...Not likely, no.”

-There you go. Success isn't something you can achieve just because you work hard, you know? Didn't Thomas Edison say this? That he had that 1% of inspiration that everyone else didn't?

Was that Edison quote supposed to be interpreted that way? Kang Jin-Ho tilted his head since the 'common sense' seemed to be going out of whack here. However, did it really matter?

-So, you shouldn't be asking how I 'can be so passionate about it'. Half the people in this world must be working even harder than me. It's just that we aren't consciously thinking about it all the time, but... I still think people who must force their tired bodies to get up in the morning to go to work, watch their work pile up and have to burn the midnight oil are living a several times harder life than me. That's why I respect them. Compared to people who need to wade through several times worse stress than me, I'm basically sucking on my thumbs here to get a paycheck. In that case, how can I even dare to mouth off 'effort' in front of them?

“...I see. Yes, I think I asked the wrong question.

-Mister Jin-Ho, everyone works hard at something. The real issue with that is where that effort is being spent. What you should've asked me from the get-go was why I chose to become an actor. Wouldn't you say?

“...I see.” Kang Jin-Ho hurriedly nodded.

Choi Yeon-Ha was right again. To get the answer he was looking for, Kang Jin-Ho should've asked that question instead. After all, he still hadn't discovered a goal he should work toward, now did he? Before the issue of effort could be answered, shouldn't he solve the problem of where to direct it first?

-Obviously, I chose to become an actor because...

“It'd be nice if you said it wasn't because of your looks.”

-How perceptive of you... This chapter made its debut appearance via N0v3lB1n.

Choi Yeon-Ha smacked her lips ruefully about the missed opportunity.

-My reason is fairly straightforward. I like being an actor.

“You... like it?”

-Yes. Before I got into this profession, I was a huge TV show stan, you see? So, I thought I wanted to be a part of this industry.

“...”

-What's wrong? Did you think I had this grand ambition or reason for becoming an actor?

“Yes. Since it's about deciding how your life will pan out, I figured you'd have given it more thought.”

-Mister Jin-Ho, that sounds like you gave your potential future paths a loooot of thought while choosing your university.

“...Kuh-hum.”

No, actually. I chose it because it was nearby...

-Even if you try to stick a lofty-sounding meaning behind it, it still boils down to this. You choose your goal and actually start going for it, and then... you realize you're doing it because this is what you've always wanted to do. Of course, you'll get people on TV saying 'I've pondered real long and hard about my path in life before finally settling on this one and becoming a success.' However, them being special isn't the reason for their TV appearances or book signings or even holding seminars. No, it's more like most average people aren't like that. You become a doctor because it's a good job. And your grades are good enough to become a doctor. That's it. How many doctors do you think actually hold the lofty-sounding ambition of saving lives?

“Mm...” Kang Jin-Ho sighed softly. Choi Yeon-Ha's mindset was somewhat different from his, but something she said still rang true in his mind.

She did it because she wanted to do it. Those words slammed powerfully into his heart. But Choi Yeon-Ha didn't stop there and landed the finishing blow next.

-Mister Jin-Ho, don't you have something that you... just want to do?

That was a strikingly similar question to what Jo Gyu-Min asked earlier. Other than the combination of words and the tone being different, these two questions held exactly the same intent. Even so, to Kang Jin-Ho's ears... They sounded totally different. Since the feelings he got weren't the same, even the answer his mind cooked up was no longer the same.

When Jo Gyu-Min asked the question, Kang Jin-Ho couldn't reply. He couldn't find any answer to give. However, one thought quickly popped up in his mind when Choi Yeon-Ha asked him the same question.

“...Yes, I do have.”

-I knew you would.

“You're right.” Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded.

Choi Yeon-Ha couldn't see his face right now, but if she did, she would've seen how seriously he was listening to her advice.

-Yes, that's how it is. Wanting to find a lofty goal in life is gonna be hard, even for you. However, everyone has at least one thing they would love to do, right? Not having one makes you a weirdo, though!

“Miss Yeon-Ha?”

-Yes?

Kang Jin-Ho addressed her in an earnest voice. “Thank you. Thanks to you, I... I think I can see it. I won't ever forget this favor, Miss Yeon-Ha.”

-W-well, you don't have to go that far for something like this... No need to call it a favor and such, you know? You're embarrassing me a little.

Choi Yeon-Ha's flustered voice hurriedly came out of the phone's speaker.

“I'd like to organize my thoughts, Miss Yeon-Ha. Do you mind if I call you later?”

-No, it's okay. We'll talk later.

Kang Jin-Ho quietly ended the call, then got up from the bed. He made his way to the window and stared at the dark sky above. Not a single star could be seen through the darkness. After a short while, Kang Jin-Ho slowly closed his eyes.

“Mister Jin-Ho, don't you have something that you... just want to do?”

Of course there was.

Indeed, there was something.

He had finally found his answer.