Chapter 4
“Concubine? Do you want to tell me you are my favorite concubine? As you are in that position, it looks like you’re really on top. Don’t be mistaken! You are nothing to me. ”
Staring at me as if he was dumbfounded, he pulled me to him roughly. I closed my eyes when he violently took off my clothes. I trembled with fear, but kept murmuring to myself I was fine, and let him touch my body with his cold hands.
I once imagined that one day I would sleep with him, but this wasn’t what I expected at all.
When I opened my eyes and looked at him, his expression was so cold that I felt heartbroken.
I closed my eyes again because I couldn’t look at his eyes without any emotions.
But I comforted myself, thinking, ‘Even if he is cold right now, he could get better over time. If he keeps making love to me like this, he will take care of me even if he is destitute of human feelings.’
I hurt and felt distressed when he made love to me without any consideration of my feelings, but I put up with it, biting my lip. I just accepted him meekly.
How much time has passed? I blankly watched him leaving without any hesitation. I wiped tears from my blurred eyes and stroked the bed next to me, where I could still feel his warmth.
I hoped that one day I could feel his warmth wholly.
***
I didn’t feel tired after he was done.
‘Well, this isn’t anything new because it’s not the first time.”historical
Since he had sex with me six months ago, he sometimes came to see me.
After hugging me coldly, he would leave me without looking back at me every time.
I felt miserable. Although he treated me coldly every time, I couldn’t give up hope that someday he would care for me. And I hated myself every morning because I had to take care of my wounded heart and handle miscellaneous work on the empress’s behalf. Every day I was languishing with hatred of myself, my fleeting hope for him, and my complex feelings toward his wife.
“Whew!”
I took a deep breath to get a load off my heart, but I didn’t feel better.
I was annoyed to see the piled papers. What the heck was I doing this for?
Looking at the top of the stack of thick papers, I recalled the reason I let out a sigh in the first place.
One year after she appeared in the empire, the sun of the empire, the thirty-fourth emperor, Rublis, of the great Castina empire, ordered a banquet to commemorate the anniversary of his wife and empress’s appearance, the child of prophecy and his only companion.
He could not prepare a banquet for himself. Eventually, I was assigned to that work, too.
Even if he ordered her to prepare the banquet, she couldn’t do so anyway.
What a ridiculous thing! He said it had been a year since she appeared in the empire amid the god’s blessing and love. Others may have been happy, but it had been like hell to me.
Ironically, it was me who had to prepare and organize the banquet to commemorate the anniversary. Isn’t it really funny?
After bursting into laughter for some time, I glanced over the tight schedule on the paper.
The banquet was due tomorrow. It was going to be a very lavish banquet as he ordered that I prepare it as magnificently as possible, so they would look like a magnificent couple at the banquet. Amid the attention of numerous aristocrats at the banquet he would dance sweetly with her, whispering love with a warm smile he has never shown me. Of course, he would not pay attention to me standing in the corner.
Suddenly, I recalled her, who came to see me a few days ago and said she was sorry.
She said she didn’t accept his courtship because she thought the position of the empress was mine. And then she said she was sorry because she loved him, after all. She said she couldn’t help but love him because he took care of her so warmly. She also said she would accept him after the banquet. She said she would treat me well and take care of me just like her sister for the rest of my life. She said she wanted to get along with me like her full sister.
I sighed deeply. After the banquet tomorrow, he and she would be tightly bound lovers. Then, he wouldn’t come back to me again. I sighed again because of the sad feelings deep down.
I can’t understand what kind of woman I was. I couldn’t resent him even though I should.
Although I felt miserable because of his cold rejection, and I felt hurt every time he looked at me with contempt, I still longed for his love.
Full sister? If she accepts him and he doesn’t come to see me, could I get along with her as a sister? Can I give up my persistent love for him? Will there be a day when I can get all this frustration and despair off my chest?
I really don’t know.
“It’s been a while, Your Highness.”
“How are you, Duke Lars? It’s been a long time since I saw you last. ”
The next day, I was busy in the Central Palace banquet hall, giving instructions to the servants and the maids. To carry out the emperor’s order to prepare the a lavish banquet, I was absent-minded, sending invitation cards to all the nobles in the empire. Besides, I had to check if there was any factional fighting, if there were any disturbances caused by the local landlords trying to curry favor with the influential nobles in the capital, or if the banquet was going on well.
As it was so nice to see him when I was exhausted, I brightly smiled.
“How have you been?
“Oh, just so and so. By the way, you don’t look good. Are you okay? ”
“Fine. Thank you for your warm consideration.. ”
It’s been a long time since I met him. I was so happy to see him who was really worried about me.
I smiled, looking at his blue eyes sparkling warmly.
He was the head of the Duke Lars family, Arkint de Lars, called the sword of the empire.
His family was one of the empire’s top founding fathers. As head of the Lars family, ranked first in the imperial order, he was also my father’s close friend and my teacher.
As soon as I was born, I was chosen to be the crown prince’s wife, so I received the most rigid and intense education, and one of the teachers who taught me was Duke Lars.
He always emphasized my conduct as the first lady of the empire, and my responsibility and duty. He also taught me how to evaluate a political situation.
“It looks like you have overworked yourself while preparing the banquet. I know you are so weak. Please take care of yourself. ”
“I didn’t overwork myself, but I think I have worried you.”
“Really? But you really don’t look good. Are you alright? ”
“Well, I’ve been a little sick lately, but that’s always been the case with me. Ah.. ”
When I shook his head, I felt dizzy suddenly, so I touched my head.
I felt like the world was going round and round. The moment I lost my balance, he quickly grabbed my hand. Oops, I almost fell on the floor, making a lousy scene. I smiled gently to express my gratitude.
“Thank you, Duke Lars.”
“You’re welcome, Your Highness. Please forgive me for touching your body without your permission. ”
“Forgive? Oh, it’s me who has to thank you.”
Was it because I was faltering with steps? Quite a few people were watching me and Duke Lars. He beckoned a servant, telling me I had better drink something, then he picked up a cup and handed it to me. The moment I took the cup to my mouth, I was overwhelmed by the intense aroma of the drink. It seems like I felt like throwing up, so I shut up my mouth hurriedly.
Duke Lars, staring at me, asked with a puzzled look, “Your Highness?”
“Duke Lars, I’m sorry to show my ugliness...Oops!”
Oh my god, I felt like I would pass out, with so many people watching. It seemed that my face was drained of color. I couldn’t face his glaring eyes, so I hurriedly turned my eyes from him. People gathered nearby began to whisper about me. Astonishment, anger and jubilation? What the heck is this? Why are they looking at me like that?
“What’s up?”