the one thing i took from my relationship with blade was the experience. without that particular experience, i wouldn't be able to see that what seth did wasn't so bad. cheating is getting a reward for something by dishonest means or finding an easy way out of an unpleasant situation. seth didn't choose an easy way out of his situation with matt. seth took the hard road, knowing very well that it could hurt me. in order to make vegas better for me, he had to make it worse for himself-and what's a kiss you can't put your heart into, anyway?

after a few small eternities, he releases me and takes my hand in his. he tugs me towards the door. "let me take you somewhere, just us."

i dig my feet in. "okay, but answer me one question first."

"anything."

"was selena ever going to tell me?"

the answer seth provides will tell me everything i need to know about our friendship and what it has dwindled to. seth drops my hand, running his own over his face and i hold my breath as his dark eyes flick over me. "she asked me not to tell you, but she was scared, olivia."

his words crack through my block as my vision blurs. "she asked you..." i inhale and chew my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. "not to tell me?"

this time i know it... i can feel it clog my throat and force my jaw to clench irregularly. i'm going to cry.

"fuck, o." seth sighs, his voice filled with pain and compassion. "don't cry."

he circles me with his strong arms as the dams break and i sob. he crushes me against his torso and pats my hair as i soak the chest of his shirt.

my own best friend...

i don't get it-i don't get her anymore. before i met seth i couldn't get her to shut up and now talking to her is like trying to jam a crowbar in a chest welded shut. as friends, where do we go from here? what's the value in a best friend you can't talk freely with? what's that value of a best friend that listens and shares all of your secrets, but refuses to spill theirs? so many questions circle my head-each pushing me closer to what i'm certain is the end of the world. am i over-exaggerating? are my hormones out of control already? i'm only eleven weeks. i drag in a shaky breath, hold it, and then expel it. i push off of seth and swipe the back of my hands under my eyes, collecting the tears i'm suddenly embarrassed for spilling.

"can we go?" i sniffle, raking my fingers through my hair. i know i have to talk to selena at some point, but not today.

"sure, i'll let darryl know-"

"no. i don't want to see any of them right now. i just want to get out and go somewhere... anywhere."

he nods imperceptibly. "all right. i know a place."

he takes my hand in his again and pulls me towards the door. i don't want him to open it because i know exactly what's on the other side and at the moment, i don't want to see jackson, selena, or darryl. the door opens with a creak and sure enough... there they all stand, looking sullen and regretful. it's hard to grasp the concept that they all look like that because they kept something from me.

selena frees her hands from her skirt pockets and steps towards me. she opens her mouth, but jackson snags her wrist, pulling her back. she looks at him and he shakes his head, silently telling her to let me leave. her sad, green stare comes back to me and i quickly shift mine to the door at the end of the corridor. i ignore the silence and focus on seth's thumb that soothingly strokes my wrist. it's the only thing keeping me from falling apart and demanding an explanation from her-from all of them, really. i get that jackson and darryl are loyal to seth, but what about me? what happened to doing what's right?

"you know you have to talk to them sometime," seth mumbles as we walk down the narrow hall, towards the emergency exit.

i guess we're taking the emergency exit so the fans and reporters don't see us. i doubt my puffy eyes and runny nose will look good. i cringe at all of the stories that could spin from it and how happy they'll make don.

"and i will..." i mutter. "just not here. not today."

outside, seth hails a cab and when it pulls over, i climb inside.

"the bellagio," he tells the driver as he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. the bellagio will do-anywhere will do as long as it's not here or my hotel room. seth's scent envelops me and i feel better, so i close my eyes.

we ride in the taxi for less than twenty minutes, and when i open my eyes, we're right in front of the bellagio. my lips stretch across my face as i smile, unable to contain my excitement. this whole time we've been in vegas, seth promised me we could go and see the fountain show. i'd prefer to see it at night when it's all lit up, but this is better than nothing and it'll definitely do the trick and get my mind off things. seth pays the driver, opens the door, and slides out of the taxi. he extends his hand to me and i take it, squeezing it too eagerly.

"i know you wanted to see it, but we haven't been able to go out."

when my feet hit the ground, i start towards the fountain, moving as quickly as my feet will take me as i pull seth along beside me. no jets of water shoot up into the sky, so i'm certain the next show is going to start any minute now and i don't want to miss a single second of it. i'm stopped short as seth tugs me, veering off to the left. i pout as he pulls me in the opposite direction of the fountain.

"easy, water bug." he chuckles. "let's enjoy the show with some ice cream."

ice cream. the only thing that sounds better than the shooting water. we stop at a small soft serve machine manned by a teenage boy. i zero in on the massive holes in his ears, stretched open by a perfect circle of metal. if i close one eye, i can see a lady behind him fishing for something out of her handbag.

"they're called stretchers," seth says, making me jump.

i glance between seth and the boy. both are looking at me like i'm crazy.

"would you like one?"

i slap seth's arm. "oh, god no. they're disgust-" the boys bushy, black eyebrows pull together. "-ingly unique."

seth chuckles, nudging me with his shoulder. "pick a flavor."

their range isn't much and by not much, i mean strawberry or chocolate. those are my options.

"straw-"

seth touches my shoulder, cutting me off.

"is it pasteurized?" he asks the ice cream boy in such a cute, concerned tone and it makes me smile stupidly at him.

the young kid at the ice cream stand shrugs and tosses his head, flicking his long, black fringe to the side. "i don't know what that means."

"you work with ice cream..." seth towers over the counter, peering around in the boy's limited space. the boy, tom, going off of his nametag, swallows hard. "aren't you supposed to have an ingredients list?"

tom takes in seth's tall, strong body and shakes his head. "i-i don't know."

"where's your manager? would he know?"

"seth," i start, and he presses his fingers to my lips, stopping me. i swat him away.

"i don't know," tom answers again.

"do you know anything?" seth growls. "anything at all?"

i hook my elbow around his and try to pull him away. of course, it'd be much easier if he didn't weigh the same as a small to medium sized boulder. "i'll take one strawberry and one chocolate, but if she gets sick, i'm coming back for you."

with a scared nod, tom fills two waffle cones, one with chocolate and one with strawberry. seth hands me mine, but keeps his eyes on the boy. "you sell ice cream, know your product."

"will you relax?" i tell him, unable to keep from laughing. i push seth away from the terrified boy at the stand.

"relax? i'm looking out for you. i don't want you to get listerine."

listerine? i snort loudly and cover my face as my cheeks turn warm.

"what?" he demands, pulling my hand away from my mouth. i lean back, laughing as loud as i can. my stomach cramps, threatening to tear apart. "listerine? did you just say listerine?"

"yes," he laughs. "why's that so funny?"

"i think you mean listeria. i can get listeria."

he rolls his eyes and i watch as he brings his chocolate ice cream to his mouth before closing his lips around it. why can't i look as good as him when i eat ice cream? "i'm just looking out for you."

i smile. "i know." and it feels good.

we walk back to the fountain and find a nice front row seat along the wall and wait for the fountain show. it's funny how half an hour ago i was crying my eyes out and now, i'm the happiest i've been in weeks. seth and ice cream-together, the two work like magic.

i get a quarter of the way through my ice cream when seth asks me if i want to talk about selena and my reaction to her keeping it from me. i shrug and lick my ice cream, trying my hardest to appear unbothered. "we've never had a fight before..." i tell him, thinking back on my childhood. "not one that mattered, anyway. i always thought she'd have my back-like i do hers. i don't know... the fact we don't share what we used to made me cry today. i guess mom was right when she said 'your friends can attend your wedding, but you can't expect to bring them into your marriage.' it doesn't work."

"selena is different now, jackson has changed her. he's an intense guy... there's no way selena would betray him by telling you all of his secrets. jackson has taught her the importance of secrets-the importance of having someone's trust."

i peer up at him, unimpressed. i'm not sure if i should be offended or humbled that he's trying to defend her. "she told my mother i was pregnant."

"i never said she was perfect, but she's beginning to understand it."

i don't know... changing for someone just doesn't sound right to me.

"the way i see it is, every person we meet we absorb, altering our personalities a little bit. you can't expect to remain the same. can you imagine if i was the same guy i was back when we met? there's no way you would've married me and i'll bet our entire savings on it," he says, like he read my thoughts.

"i would've married you no matter what," i tell him and he cocks an eyebrow. "it just would've taken a lot longer for you to get a yes out of me."

seth laughs his alluring laugh and the first lot of water sprays up into the air. classical music begins to play-nothing i'll ever be able to identify-and i lean closer as white jets of water fill the sky, stretching from one end of the pool to the other. more high bursts shoot fast, followed by shorter streams and then even smaller streams that twist around each other. i've never seen anything so beautiful... i can only imagine how amazing the illumined jets look against a licorice sky.

a few minutes in i become acutely aware of seth's presence-how close he is sitting. i can feel his eyes on my face as he ignores the show in front of us. slowly, i peek sideways at him. the first thing i notice are his lips, they're curved ever so slightly-a teasing almost smile. under his stare, i feel my cheeks warm and i quickly turn my attention back to the show, eating more of my ice cream. it melts on my tongue-tasting more like a frozen yogurt than ice cream.

more minutes pass, more jets of water are shot into the sky in time with the beautiful music, but eventually, it all stops. i stare at the now motionless water as people around me clap and cheer. i pinch the edge of my waffle cone and snap a small piece off. as i put it in my mouth, seth taps my knee and minutely flicks his head towards something over my shoulder. sure enough, selena stands ten feet away with her hands stuffed into her pockets. her usually prefect curls sag and hang lifelessly around her shoulder, faint, black rings of smudged makeup darkens her tired eyes and mascara stains the collar of her pretty, white blouse. i hate seeing her so upset, but what does she want me to do? i can talk, but can she?

"you should talk to her," seth says. "if she means a lot to you, something so small wouldn't be worth throwing a lifetime of memories away."

"what would you do?" i ask, my voice laced with hesitation. "if jackson and i kissed?"

his bright chocolate irises darken along with the subtle curve in his lips. "you and i are two very different people... if jackson kissed you like i kissed selena, i'd kill him."

i slump into myself. right, seth logic. i forget it doesn't usually make sense.

"go talk to her, o. i'll wait here."

i hand him my ice cream and push off of the smooth stone i was sitting on. selena uneasily shifts her weight onto her left leg, catching her lip between her teeth as i stalk towards her. i stop within three feet and fold my arms. i'm not going to talk first. it's her time to talk.

"i had darryl follow your taxi," she murmurs, closing one eye and using her hand to shield herself from the sun.

"stalking and lying. who knew you had it in you?"

she flinches and i hate that i sound so bitter. this is your best friend... not your enemy.

"olivia, please." she nudges closer. "seth said he was going to tell you so i let him handle it."

i shake my head. "i know you didn't want him to tell me." my throat constricts and i swallow hard to clear it. "it's like i don't know you anymore."