when we reached the bar, i watched chrystle lean across it, trying to catch the bartender's attention. the hem of her shirt rode up her back, revealing the tribal tattoo above her ass. i shook my head at the obvious cliche. of course a chick like this would have a tramp stamp.

"hey, chase!" she shouted at the surly bartender's back. he turned around, meeting her eyes with acknowledgement. "two shots of whiskey."

"no no no," i yelled and chase turned to eyeball me. "no more shots," i said, my vision hazy.

"fine. two jack and cokes," she shouted before turning to me. "how's that?" she nudged me with her elbow.

"better. i think," i offered up wryly.

"you'll be fine. now tell me about this girlfriend of yours." she batted her thick-coated eyelashes sweetly.

"i like to keep my private life, private," i slurred, feeling suddenly protective of my relationship with cassie.

chrystle looked around the crowded room before whispering, "well, she isn't here, right?"

"does it look like she's here?" i threw one hand in the air, glancing to my side.

"what she doesn't know won't hurt her, and i'm not going to tell."

"thanks for the drink." i grabbed the tall glass that had just appeared on the bar in front of me, before hightailing it away from her.

"jack, wait! i was just kidding!" she shouted, but i refused to stop. that girl was trouble and i was fucking hammered enough.

i heard her footsteps racing after me as i beelined straight for logan. "jack, wait!" she grabbed my shirt with her free hand.

"stop grabbing me. what the hell do you want?" i spun to face her, my head feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds as the room spun around me.

"i just want to hang out with you," she said, her voice innocent.

"i don't think that's a good idea. you're not very good at accepting the word no," i spat, noticing the blue of her eyes.

fuck.

this isn't good.

i'm drunk.

and she's hot.

"you can teach me," she teased, a playful smile spreading across her face.

"chrystle. leave me the fuck alone. i'm gonna stop being nice."

"this is you being nice?" she winked before slapping my ass and heading onto the dance floor.

i hurried to the booth and scooted in. "keep that bitch away from me." logan lifted his head in a daze as i elbowed him in the ribs.

he laughed. "i already told you to stay away from her."

"well, it's hard when she follows me everywhere."

"then stop going places. sit still. drink this," he said, before pushing another tequila-filled shot glass toward me.

"you don't have to get me drunk to take advantage of me," i joked.

"shut up, dickhead. drink."

i downed the shot quickly. "you're going to have to carry me out of here."

"shit. you're going to have to carry me," logan stuttered.

"maybe they'll let us sleep here." i laughed and pulled out my cell phone.

"no! no cell phones tonight, man. you just pitched a no-hitter! we're getting fucked up!" logan shouted before sliding my cell phone down the length of the table.

"dick! hey, chance, gimme my phone, will you?" i shouted toward my teammates on the other end.

chance looked down, his eyes widened, and he pushed it forcefully. i watched as it practically flew and landed in my lap with a thud.

"what did i tell you?" logan yelled, his eyelids half closed.

"i'm just gonna text cass, then i'll shut it off," i promised my drunk friend. i typed out the text as quickly as i could, which wasn't very quick considering how drunk i was.

i miss yo9 os fukkeng mucb. wish u wede hefd.

i stared at the text message before pressing send. i knew i'd spelled words wrong, but i was too drunk to care about fixing it.

i couldn't remember the last time i felt this fucked up. my vision blurred, my head spun, my legs shook as i walked, and my defenses were definitely down on the floor somewhere with my good judgment. i spotted chrystle on the dance floor and suddenly couldn't tear my eyes away from her tiny little body as she shook it. she watched me watching her and i knew i was in trouble.

look away, you idiot.

hot prickles shot through my body, but i ignored their warning, watching chrystle grind her tight little body against another girl's. her hips dipped and moved in perfect rhythm and i suddenly couldn't stop thinking about fucking her. if she moved like that on the dance floor...

the song changed and she ditched her dance partner and headed toward me. "i knew you liked what you saw earlier. you were just playing hard to get."

"i didn't like it earlier, but i like it now." i slurred my words.

'cause i'm fucking loaded and i can't think straight.

"is that right? earlier you had a girlfriend." she toyed with me, pressing her sweaty body against mine as i instantly became aroused.

cassie.

"earlier you didn't care."

"i still don't," she sassed before grinding her hips into me.

"you better stop doing that or it's gonna get you in trouble."

i want to give her some trouble.

some good, hard trouble.

"maybe i wanna get into trouble?" she turned her body around and pressed her ass against me before bending over to pick something up off the floor. "i dropped this. sorry."

fuck. me.

i grabbed her wrist and pulled her to me. when our bodies were pressed up against each other, she reached down and placed her hand on my zipper. "take me home, jack."

"you know this doesn't mean anything, right? it's just sex." drunken truth spilled from my lips.

"you sure know how to romance a girl," she pouted as her bottom lip jutted out.

"fucking isn't romantic. and that's all we're gonna do." i grabbed her hand and attempted to pull her toward the exit. "you can drive, right?" i asked as i struggled to stay upright.

"i'm sober as a judge." she dangled her keys in the air.

"i don't know what that means, but let's go."

she giggled as i followed behind her.

i rolled over, my head throbbing and my eyes refusing to open willingly. i thrashed my arm across the bed before hitting someone and i jumped.

"stop, jack. let me sleep," a girl's voice spoke.

no, no, no, no, no, no.

this wasn't happening. i was going to turn and look at the other half of my bed and it was going to be empty. this was all going to be a bad dream. i squeezed my eyes before turning and opening them.

fuck.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

a head full of brown hair lay splayed across my pillow, a naked female body accompanying it. my stomach dropped to the carpet as i moved to sit on the edge of my bed. i threw my pounding head into my hands before looking down. i tugged and pulled at the recesses of my mind where the memories of last night were hiding. there's no way i did this. maybe she came home with one of my roommates and needed a place to crash? i love cassie. i love cassie so goddammed much i'd never do this to her.

fuck.

the memories started pouring in swiftly and unabashedly. i remembered. now i wished i could forget.

i grabbed my cell phone and stood up before realizing i was naked. a pair of boxers and a sweatshirt later, i sat on the balcony in the early morning dew, dialing cassie's number.

"hey, babe," she breathed tiredly into the phone.

i didn't know what to say so i stayed silent, knowing that these would be the last few moments that everything between us would be okay.

hang up, you idiot.

hang up the phone.

she'll never know what happened if you don't tell her.

"jack?" she asked. "hello? jack?" she sounded so concerned. "i can hear you breathing, dummy." she yawned into the receiver.

"kitten?" i muttered.

too late to hang up now.

"i wish you could see me roll my eyes," she responded with a chuckle.

"that's not good for you." my voice came out slowly.

"what's wrong? are you drunk?"

"i think i still am, yeah." i tugged at my hair.

"did you drive?"

"no."

"good." i heard the smile in her voice. "are you okay?"

i can't do it.

i can't lose her.

not over this.

everyone makes mistakes.

"yeah, kitten. sorry for calling so early. i just wanted you to know how much i love you."

i am such a pussy.

"i love you too." her voice was perfect. she was perfect. i couldn't lose her.

my stomach balled into knots. "go back to bed. i love you. i'll call you later," i said, swallowing the baseball-sized lump in my throat.

she giggled. "night, jack. congratulations again on your perfect game. i'm really proud of you."

"thanks, babe. bye." i pressed end, squeezed my eyes shut, and buried my head in my hands, wishing i could bury the guilt instead.

how could i undo this? cass couldn't ever know this happened. i'd do anything to make sure of that. i vowed to never drink excessively again. i'd never put myself in that kind of a position where i could willingly be so stupid. anger quickly filtered through my pain as i remembered the girl sleeping in my bed. i stormed into my room before slamming the door shut with a loud bang.

"get the fuck up and get out," i shouted. she was on her stomach, sprawled spread-eagle over three-quarters of the bed. still naked. shit.

chrystle moved slightly, her eyes opening to look at me. "what? why are you so angry?" she whined and it made her even more annoying.

"get out." i reached across the bed, grabbing her by the forearm and pulling.

"ow, jack, jeez! i'll get up. what's your problem?" she sat up, not bothering to pull up the sheet to cover her nakedness, and her eyes narrowed as she glared at me.

"you're my problem. get out of my bedroom. get out of my apartment. get out of my life," i demanded, my attitude void of any respect or kindness.

"you sure weren't saying that last night," she commented coyly and my temper flared.

"get out or i will throw you out."

"sounds like foreplay." she bit her bottom lip suggestively and my stomach churned.

"for a twisted slut, maybe." i scowled darkly and flung venom-filled words designed to hurt her.

"oh, so now i'm a slut?" she swung her legs over the side of the bed and began to wriggle back into her clothes from last night.

"i'm sure you were always a slut," i responded coolly.

"well, you sure as hell weren't complaining last night. and i'm sure you won't complain again soon." her confidence oozed through an arrogant smile.