two days later

"concentrate , belle !"

"i am! rome. "

we were on opposite ends of a blue mat, sweat pouring from both of us. while i probably resembled a drowned house cat with severe breathing problems, rome had never looked better. his shirt was off - of course - and his skin sun-kissed, roped perfection that glistened sexily.

he arched a brow. "i've tossed you on your ass over fifteen times."

"and i've nailed you with a dirt ball once and an ice ball twice." of course, he'd dodged all three so quickly they'd only nicked his arm - which had affected only his arm, damn it, rather than consuming his entire body.

before meeting me here, he'd soaked himself in a clear, experimental chemical that slowed the progression of the elements. apparently john had been working on it for a while. since learning about me, actually. just in case i turned on him, i suspected. or maybe in case others like me were made. i only hoped bad guys didn't get hold of the stuff. anyway, the ice had melted in minutes and the dirt had smoothed away, all while rome had subdued me with his other arm.

arf. arf.

grrrrr.

the barking and growling drew my attention, and i foolishly glanced away from rome. merciless man that he was, he was in front of me in seconds, knocking my ankles together and sending me flying to my ass. again.

he loomed over me, eyes narrowed in disappointment. "don't look away from your opponent. ever.

you know better. and letting those two mutts break your concentration? you should be ashamed."

"thanks for the tip," i muttered, staying put and trying to catch my breath. we'd been at this for hours, and my muscles weren't used to the strain. "but if you ever call them mutts again, i will neuter you." my babies didn't like my man and vice versa.

the night before, my first night home from the hospital, rome had snuck into my house. okay, i'd let him in. i hadn't been able to help myself. though i'd sworn we wouldn't until we'd talked things out, we'd ended up making love. it had been desperate sex, life-altering, earth-shattering sex. the kind that affected you soul-deep.

next morning, when i woke up, rome had already left - no talkie-talkie for us, just hanky-panky - so i'd done what i'd promised: purchased not one but two vicious dogs. minus the vicious. okay, i'd bought two puppies. english bulldogs. lovey - black and white, very rare - and ginger - top half white, bottom half brown, like pants. they looked like little teddy bears, and i hadn't been able to resist them.

currently my girls were nibbling on bones in the corner of the gym, oblivious to the world around them.

jean-luc was watching them for me. i hadn't been able to leave them home alone, and he was doing his best to romance me. which apparently meant sticking to me like glue and doing whatever i asked. that didn't bother me. after all, that had been my plan with rome. great minds and all that.

he was staying at a nearby hotel until he could find a permanent place - after his hard work on the desert gall case, john had hired him and he'd accepted - and had been waiting for me here at headquarters. he didn't like me rubbing up against rome, though. i'd heard him mutter a protest more than once, but he didn't try to stop the lessons. that surprised me. i'd already confessed about my recent nocturnal activities with rome. though there were no promises between me and jean-luc outside our three dates, he'd looked so hurt i'd wanted to die.

since returning rome's memories, he'd been nothing but sweet to me, nothing but helpful. the least i could do was stay away from rome sex-wise until our three dates were over. besides, by then i would - should - know if rome and i could go the distance as a couple. if he would love me, despite anything. despite everything.

i think that's what i was most worried about. that he wouldn't love me, wouldn't respect me, when all was said and done.

men! i was between a rock - jean-luc - and a very hard place - rome.

"up," rome commanded. "you're wasting time."

"well, you're consuming my personal space." i lumbered to my feet, facing him on my tiptoes so that we were nose-to-nose.

at least he didn't attack me again. or kiss me. would i be able to resist? even though i'd brushed my teeth, had coffee, two bottles of water and a bagel, i still had his decadent taste in my mouth. still heard his groans of pleasure in my ears. still felt his hands kneading my breasts, rubbing between my legs.

"you're panting," he said huskily. his eyes lowered, lingered on my breasts, my hardened nipples.

every part of me, every organ, every cell begged me to lean the rest of the way into him. miracle of miracles, i stepped backward. "self-defense. important. lifesaving. dr. roberts is out there and needs to be stopped. jean-luc. the dates. our future, up in the air." all the reasons we had to stay away from each other right now.

his expression became shuttered. "you're taking too long to summon the elements. time an opponent can use to slice your throat or inject you with a night-night cocktail. and you can't rely on typical defensive moves because you won't be fighting typical criminals. you'll be fighting scrims, so the outcome will depend on who has the most power. you. or them. what's more, i thought we were doing this because you thought you didn't need your emotions anymore." i kicked at the air with the tip of my tennie. "you're right." last night i'd told him about summoning the ice that had stopped desert gall without the use of my emotions. "but i can't do it again. i've tried. only my emotions are calling the elements and i can't switch them off with a snap." he reached out, smoothed a wet strand of hair from my brow. a barely there touch, but i felt the warmth all the way to the bone.

for a moment, only a moment, there was a flash of his cat behind his face, skin melting away, fur taking its place. then it was gone. "i've given this a lot of thought. maybe you've never needed your emotions.

maybe you only thought you did because of the sensations they evoke in your body. think about it.

anger makes your blood pressure rise, which makes you hot. fear is numbing, so you become cold."

"that doesn't tell me how to summon the elements without my emotions, though. i mean, even when i did this sans feelings in the past, i still needed the strength or idea of whatever emotion i wanted to summon." well, not true. last time, with desert gal, i'd been too numb, completely out of the equation.

"maybe you summon certain elements with certain emotions because that's the element you're freeing at that time. you think fire comes with fury so you release the fire when you get mad." i anchored a hand on my hip. it was either that or grab on to him and never let go.

what he said made sense - but it also scared me. if i failed to prove him right, no big deal. i'd go back to the way things were. but what if i succeeded? to finally have control of my powers, to not be reliant on my emotions, to not have to worry about raging wildfires, torrential storms, mountains of dirt and unstoppable winds every time pms took hold...

ultimate power was something rome despised. people became drunk with it, did whatever they wanted, damn the consequences. proof - desert gal, who would spend the rest of her life in chateau villain, in a special dry-as-a-desert section designed for her. she'd wanted more, and more, and more, but more had never been and would never be enough.

if i did this, made a success of it, i would be unstoppable. ultimate power would be mine.

god, the strikes were adding up against me. how much longer would this man consider me worth the effort? how long till he left me? here i was, becoming the very things he'd once told me he never wanted: infinitely powerful, an agent always in the middle of danger and a woman determined to date another man.

"summon the element itself," he said, oblivious to my dark thoughts, "not the emotion you think comes with it." one step, two, he backed away from me.

i shook my head, backing away from him, as well. the distance between us continued to grow. "i need tanner if i'm even going to think about trying something new."

"sorry, he's with elaine. they're talking to the scientists who have been studying candace, trying to come up with a way for elaine to experience skin-to-skin contact without killing people." i dearly hoped they'd succeed. if any couple deserved a shot at happiness - and nookie - it was them.

yuck, there i was thinking about tanner's sex life again. it was almost as bad as thinking of rome and desert gal. "speaking of candace," i said, stalling, "why didn't you tell me you dated her?" he blinked over at me. "excuse me?"

i stood my ground, planted my hands on my hips. "you heard me."

"what are you talking about? i never dated her."

"yes, you did. you - "

"uh, belle," jean-luc called.

i swung around, facing him.

he tossed a small braided rope across the room and lovey chased after it. ginger chased after her.

"mutts," rome muttered.

"i lied," jean-luc continued. "you needed fury, so i gave you something to be furious about. sorry."

"what?" i stomped my foot and ignored rome. "i thought - "

"what the hell?" rome interjected. "he told you i slept with candace, so you believed him? believed him over me?"

"well..." i turned back to him, my lips pressed together and my cheeks reddening. "i'm sorry." he sighed. pinched the bridge of his nose. "forget it. after what i did to you, i deserve it." he was obviously still upset, but he held out a hand and motioned me over with a wave of his fingers. a challenge. "come on. ice me."

he clearly had not and would not forget it anytime soon. the irony? i wanted him to cleanse his memory palate. since he wouldn't - bastard - i'd have to make it up to him. somehow. "first, bring sherridan in here."

"no. she's currently being examined, and you're not allowed near her until after your surgery. now come on. do it."

my appointment for ear filters was tomorrow morning, and i couldn't wait. i wanted to talk to sherridan again. i needed to talk to her. i needed advice. was i doing the right thing, trying to stay away from rome until my dates with jean-luc were over?

"stop stalling, belle."

the man knew me very well. "fine," i snapped. "i'll ice the hell out of you." i spread my legs, clenched and unclenched my fists as i flashed scary pictures through my mind.

rome clapped his hands together and the sound boomed through the gym. "you're relying on your emotions. stop."

"you can do it, belle," jean-luc called. lovey barked as if to second the motion.

rome flicked him an irritated glance before returning his attention to me. "you want to be an effective agent, you've got to learn to protect yourself in an instant. you can't do that if you have to force yourself to feel a certain way."

everything he said was right. i knew it. didn't like it, but knew it. i can do this. i can do this. i'd done it before. okay. here goes. deep breath in, deep breath out. ice without fear. i closed my eyes, pictured ice in my mind. glaciers, skating rinks, frigid nights with misty exhalations, hats and coats. even the naked-female ice sculptures tanner was always encouraging me to create.

nothing happened.

fighting disappointment - and relief - i - wait. no emotions, not this time! damn it. okay, starting over. i blanked my mind, allowing the world around me to fade. another deep breath in, another deep breath out. "i'm cold, i'm cold, i'm cold," i chanted softly.

thankfully no one made fun of me for talking to myself.

"ice is my bitch. i want it, i get it. i'm not afraid, but that doesn't matter. ice is mine to command. to beckon and dismiss. i'm cold, i'm cold, i'm cold." as i spoke, i pushed my conscious mind to the background. i wasn't even here. only my powers were.

to my utter shock, my blood slowly thickened, chilling inside my veins. my hands and feet grew frosty, my nose icy. i opened my eyes, saw that my breath was misting in front of my face, just as i'd imagined.

i held out my hand and sure enough, an ice ball formed. small, but perfectly round. clear, dangerous.

doused as rome was in that experimental chemical, we wouldn't have known the true effectiveness of this method if i hit him with it. so, rather than toss it at rome, i launched it at the wall behind him. the moment of contact, the ice spread, covering the entire span.

rome never turned, never stopped eyeing me. "you did it." his voice was flat. "you really did it."

"yes." i'd known any increase in my abilities could sever the bond between us, but experiencing it this soon? no. "not fast enough for a battle with a scrim, though."

"with practice, you will." the flatness did not abate. "you'll have the elements at your disposal, just like that." he snapped his fingers. "now," he said, stalking to the far corner and grabbing one of the fire extinguishers he'd brought along. "melt the ice with your fire." i nodded, already closing my eyes. already willing the ice away. not with emotion, not with my mind, but by backing away, letting my body take over and do what it wanted. heat. pure heat. "i'm burning," i told myself. "so hot. sweating, blistering."

again, to my surprise, my body gradually obeyed. almost as if it had been waiting for this moment, ready to act as it had always wanted. my blood heated...heated...the ice melting away until only molten lava remained.

when i opened my eyes, my fingers were on fire, tiny flames smoldering. mentally i commanded those flames to leap together. they did, a ball forming in the palm of my hand.

i tossed it at the wall. orange-gold instantly spread, ice melting and pooling on the floor. when the final droplet fell, rome used the extinguisher to douse the remaining conflagrations. soon the wall was black with soot and white with foam.

"you were faster that time," rome said, and dropped the extinguisher.

again, his tone had been flat. but now, his eyes were flat, too. "yes."

"that's good. that's very good."

was it? was it really? he was stiff, harder in that moment than he'd been when he'd first awoken without his memories. harder than he'd been the night he'd first invaded my apartment all those months ago, determined to neutralize me. "rome, i - "

"that's enough for now," he said, cutting me off. he turned, giving me his back. "we don't want to exhaust you when you've got a big date tonight." there was no bitterness in his voice, no jealousy.

suddenly i couldn't move, could barely breathe. had he already decided to wash his hands of me? "are you going to be there as promised?"

"i don't think so."

my mouth went dry. "why not?" i asked shakily. i knew it was wrong to do this here, in front of jean-luc, but i couldn't help myself. i had to hear him say it. we're not meant to be together, after all.

how would i react? what would i do? i still loved him. still wanted him, craved him.

he shrugged, didn't face me. "no reason to, really."

and there it was. my answer. he was letting me go.

"sunny wants to see you," he said. "i'll bring her by before dinner. if that's okay?" at one time, he wouldn't have had to ask. i guess he planned to formally dump me with his daughter in the other room. that way i wouldn't throw a fit or burn something down. well, wait. would i burn something down in a fury now that i could summon the elements without emotion? i laughed bitterly. did that matter now? rome wanted out of my life.

part of you knew this was coming. it's what you've been preparing yourself for.fine. we'd get it over with. do it tonight. tears burned my eyes. "bring her by, but i want to talk to you afterward. okay?" would i beg him to stay with me? or would the future lexis had predicted finally begin to fall into place?

i want my old future,i nearly screamed.

rome ignored my question. "go get cleaned up. i'll see you tonight." for the second time in recent memory, he walked away and never looked back.

after playing with my puppies for half an hour, avoiding jean-luc's probing gaze, a shower and a change of clothes, i stood in front of my locker, packing up to go home. my eyes were still burning, tears hovering at the corners, just waiting to fall. how had my life reached this point? a few weeks ago, i'd been the happiest woman on the planet. love had been mine. a magnificent, sexy, strong man had been mine. now...i had nothing.

well, i had a few dates with a man i didn't and couldn't love because my heart would always belong to rome.

and he was about to end things forever.

my gaze landed on a piece of folded paper. i hadn't placed it in the locker, so i grabbed it. from rome? jean-luc? footsteps suddenly echoed, growing louder and louder. i stiffened, stuffed the note in my pocket, thinking to read it later when i was alone, and buried my head so deeply inside my locker that whoever it was would surely pass me by without trying to begin a conversation. i wasn't ready to face anyone. might not ever be ready.

but then the footsteps stopped. by me. damn it! no reprieve for me today or any other day, it seemed.

"i'm sorry."

my fingers clenched on the door, and my teeth gnashed together. lexis. i didn't face her, but busied myself with straightening the clothes and weapons i had stashed inside. she was lucky i didn't use one of them on her. "that doesn't change what you did."

"what i tried to do. and i know."

no, what youdid. "you're only sorry now because you failed."

"i'm sorry because i had a few days to think about things. i was trapped in that cage, listening to the people around me moaning and crying and begging, and i realized i was trying to do the same to rome.

trap him."

she made my head hurt. "just...leave me alone, lexis."

there was a pause, a shuffle of feet, but she didn't do what i'd asked. "you don't owe me anything, but i'm asking - begging - for a few minutes of your time."

"and i'm saying no." as satisfying as it was to see lexis beg, i couldn't deal with her. i'd break down. i was at the edge already.

"yes. you're going to listen to me. nothing happened between me and rome. i tried to kiss him that first day, but he quickly pulled away, as though he sensed i wasn't the woman for him right away." my fingers curled around one of the blade hilts. "i know nothing happened. he told me. but it doesn't matter anymore. now get lost."

another pause. "what do you mean, it doesn't matter?"

there was no avoiding this, it seemed. "we're over. okay? we're over." i slammed the locker shut, still clutching that blade. i faced her with narrowed eyes. she was as lovely as ever, dark hair brushed to a glossy shine, emerald eyes sparkling. "happy now? you finally got what you wanted."

"no." she shook her head, shock radiating from her. "no. i - no. belle, i'm so sorry. truly. i...don't know what to say. i meant for that to happen at first, but not any longer. i swear it. you two are meant to be together. i admit that now. i do. there's no better stepmother for sunny, and the way rome looks at you...the way he talked about you, even when i was telling him we needed to work things out. he wouldn't even kiss me! said all he could think about was you." wonderful to hear. but too little, too late. i closed the distance between us, my shoes smashed against hers, my nose practically rubbing hers. "you once told me there was a woman meant to be the love of rome's life, but you weren't sure if it was me. well, guess what. it isn't." my chin trembled as i spoke.

god, saying that was hard. "you once told me i'd plan my wedding but rome wouldn't care. well, you were right. you once told me i'd marry someone else. maybe you were right about that, too."

"that can't be right." she was pale, shaking her head. "are you sure it's over? give him another chance.

he - "

"he is the one who's going to dump me. "

"but...but...no. he wouldn't do that. he loves you. he told me yesterday, this morning. even if i did still want to be with him, i wouldn't have a prayer. you're it for him. the one. if you could have heard him screaming at me...i've never seen him so angry." there at the end, shame dripped from her tone.

yeah, but that only meant he'd wanted me before i'd shown him just how powerful i would be. more than an ache, more than a stabbing pain, her words were a cancer eating at me. i pushed her with my free hand, hard, and she stumbled backward. "get out of my way. we're done here." determined, she jumped back into my path. "or maybe you can hear. maybe you can see." before i could react, she flattened her palms against my temples. i jolted, images shooting straight into my head.

lexis and rome. lexis sitting on a couch, tears streaming down her face. rome pacing in front of her.

"how could you?" he shouted. "you almost ruined me. i love her, lex. i love her, and you tried to take her from me."

with a weary sigh, the lexis in front of me dropped her arms to her sides.

"how did you do that?" i demanded.

her chin rose. "your powers are evolving. so are mine."

"i - i - " couldn't let what she'd shown me matter, much as i loved knowing rome had put her in her place and defended me. as before, i reminded myself that the argument had taken place before rome had seen what i could do. "like i said, we're done."

"no. not until you tell me if you like jean-luc. he's the one i told you that you would marry, but i was wrong. i mean, i saw him standing in front of you, kissing you while you wore your wedding dress, but he simply can't be the one you're marrying." she was babbling and couldn't seem to stop. "he's not meant to be yours. he's supposed to be...mine," she ended lamely.

jean-luc and lexis? i stared over at her, blinking. i could have walked away, but didn't. shock made my feet feel like stones. "are you freaking kidding me?"

like a nervous teenager, she twisted her fingers together. "no. i'm not kidding."

"you are incredible. first you wanted rome, then you let him go, then you wanted him again, and now you want jean-luc. for god's sake, make up your mind, 'cause you are driving me crazy!"

"look, i know you can never forgive me for what i did to you and rome, not to mention what i did to tanner."

uh, you think?

"but you'll win rome back and tanner, well, he's already recovered from my desertion." she slapped the small metal door beside her once, twice. "i knew elaine would appear in his life. i knew he would want her. i did him a favor."

"hardly. you cut your lovers from your life before they can cut you from theirs. they're good men, but you crushed them. do you ever think that maybe you're acting prematurely? that maybe they would still want you, but the only reason your visions come true is because of your actions?" oh my god. the moment i spoke, i realized i'd done the same thing. i'd let rome go, i'd realized. at some point since he'd regained his memory, maybe even before, i'd let him go. i'd told myself i loved him, that i would fight for him always, but then something would happen and i would fall back on my

"maybe not" fears. i'd bounced from one extreme to the other and he'd had to know, had to sense.

that's why we were here, at this point. i had done this. me.

could i win him back?

lexis paled, her mouth flailing open and closed. "you're right," she said quietly. "what i did was terrible and i'll try not to make the same mistake again. but i saw myself with jean-luc, belle. last night in a vision, i saw him standing at the end of a hallway and smiling at me. that smile - " she shivered, wrapped her arms around herself " - it set my blood on fire. i wanted to go to him more than anything in the world, and i saw love in his eyes. love for me, no one else. i want that. i want the vision to come true." she was so passionate about it, i couldn't doubt her. even though i wanted to. "doesn't matter. he deserves a woman who will love him back. a woman who will stay with him 'till the end."

"i plan to be that woman." she chewed on her lower lip. "i just have to convince him of that." i pointed a finger in her face. "if you lie to him..."

she held up her hands, total innocence. "this time, i'm going to play fair. believe me, i've learned my lesson. i just wanted you to know i'm out of the game when it comes to rome. he's yours."

"how nice of you," i said drily. "you can go now."

she didn't. "i had one more thing to say." she gazed down at her shoes and kicked an imaginary rock.

"a favor, really."

i laughed without humor. "sorry, i'm all out of those."

her gaze swung up, pinning me. "don't go on those dates with jean-luc. please, belle. i know i don't deserve it, but i'm begging you."

before i could respond, she walked away. i stood there, shaking my head in wonder at her daring. i was going on those dates, and that was that. if rome hadn't talked me out of it, no way lexis would.

my motions were jerky as i stuffed my hands in my pockets. something crumbled against my fingers.

frowning, i withdrew the note. oh, yeah. the note. i unfolded it and, when i read the contents, i actually flinched.

you didn't kill my daughter when you probably wanted to, and for that, you have my gratitude. but i know you and your team are now looking for me. i won't allow myself to be found, belle. i will do whatever is needed to remain free - even, if you force me, take you down. i don't want it to end that way, however. let's part now. in peace.

dr. roberts had been inside psi and no one had known.

what a freaking cluster.