"i wish you wouldn't-"

"it's required, mr. haggerty," he said as he stood. at precisely that moment the door to his office opened.

a smiling young woman, presumably an administrative assistant or social worker, entered carrying a simply beautiful baby of about ten months. she had terri's dark hair, but in large curls that circled her head. her eyes were so big they dominated her face. her round cheeks were pink, she had a little, rosy, heart-shaped mouth, and she lifted her hand in the air and grinned hugely, showing two brand-new front teeth. and she said, "ma!" before her hand dropped. but her smile continued and she clutched her fat little hands together and giggled.

"mr. haggerty, meet hannah bradford," the young woman said.

"oh, god," paul said.

and little hannah said, "ha!" and then she giggled again.

paul did the dumbest thing. he put out his big hands toward her and she fell right into them. she put her chubby arms around his neck and buried her face there, blubbering into his neck.

"think about it, paul. i can't complete an adoption for a couple the mother didn't know and didn't name in her will very quickly. there will be red tape, it'll take weeks," scott said.

"will you take her home with you?" paul asked.

scott shook his head. "i'm afraid my wife and i have family commitments. we could squeeze hannah in, but it would be complicated with the kids, grandkids. but i'll make sure hannah gets quality foster care...."

paul nuzzled her. she smelled heavenly. then he lifted his head and looked at scott. "can i foster her until my wife and i have had a chance to make a final decision?"

the lawyer shrugged. "i don't see why not. terri had you in mind anyway."

paul held little hannah close. "vanessa is going to string me up by the balls and take strips of flesh off me with a dull blade...."

scott laughed in spite of himself. "that would be mrs. haggerty?"

"today she is," paul answered.

"should you call her first? before taking hannah home?"

"that would make sense," paul said. "but i'm the one who owes terri. i probably don't owe her this much, but i-" terri tried to trick him into believing he was this child's father and it almost cost him the woman he loved. why he thought he owed her was-"terri was very kind to me when i was having a real hard time." but it wasn't so much that as this precious child in his arms. hannah. it wasn't her fault her mother was suddenly gone and the only person terri had been able to think of was paul.

"let me ask you something-does mrs. haggerty like children?"

"she wants a houseful. i was really looking forward to starting on that."

"did you ever discuss a possible adoption?"

"no. and we sure never talked about adopting an ex-girlfriend's offspring." paul sighed heavily. "she's going to kill me," he muttered. then he said to scott, "i'm going to need a car seat. and all her stuff."

paul was all checked out on the car-seat installation because of little mattie. he rigged up the mirror so he could see her from the driver's seat. the truck bed was filled with her gear, from crib to high chair. he was a little rusty on changing and cleaning up a little girl baby-but he had nieces and had been roped into babysitting a few times when they were small, so it all came back to him.

he could have called vanessa before heading out of grants pass to say, "she left me a child." but frankly, the whole thing scared him to death. he just made sure hannah was dry and clean, gave her a bottle to drink as they started the trip and headed for home.

"i should've called her," he told hannah. "that was stupid, not calling. it would have given her a good four hours to think. but see, when i thought about taking you home, it was obviously a bad idea. just didn't fit into our family plan. all that made sense, until i saw you. until you blew raspberries on my neck."

hannah took the bottle out of her mouth and belched loudly.

"good one!" paul said, praising her. "drink the rest of that bottle and close your eyes. it's a long drive."

"ma!" she said loudly.

"unfortunately, you're stuck with me. but, hey, you might try that 'ma!' thing on vanessa when you meet her. you're going to need all the help you can get."

he drove in silence for a while, barely hearing the soft suckling sound of hannah finishing her bottle. in a voice quiet enough that the little girl might not have heard, he said, "your mother was a good person. she was beautiful like you and very funny. that's why i called her the first time-she was fun. i think you got her sense of humor. and obviously she wanted the best for you. not that i'm the best-but the way she looked out for you, in case something happened, that's what a mother who cares does-makes sure you're going to be okay." he cleared his throat. "and i'll make sure. me and scott hanson-we'll make sure."

he thought he should probably rehearse what he was going to say to vanessa, but nothing came to mind. it wasn't exactly that he took one look at the beautiful little girl and completely reversed his position. not at all. it still didn't work into his plans for the future. but he did take one look and decided you don't just turn your back on a human being, a helpless child, and leave her to a system that may not serve her best interests. someone had to be her advocate. and while paul didn't think it should be him, he really couldn't think of anyone better for the job. certainly not a biological father who had abandoned her when she was a mere seedling.

paul pulled into a parking lot before heading into virgin river to change and freshen hannah, smear a little lotion on her and make sure she looked and smelled extra sweet. god, but she was beautiful. and while he carried her on his hip to walk to the trash can to pitch the dirty diaper, she put her arms around his neck and pressed her mouth against his cheek four straight times, a baby kiss that didn't quite pucker, and then she giggled.

and paul cried.

he pulled her close and tears ran silently down his cheeks. he gulped a few times. his voice was a whisper. "see, i wasn't in love with her, but she was a very good person. she wanted you very much, even if she had to go it alone. i was almost sorry it turned out i wasn't your dad. that would've given you one more person to protect you."

and she put her lips against his cheek again.

"this shouldn't have happened to you," he said, smoothing her curls with his big, callused hand. "you shouldn't have been left with no one."

"ma!" she put her head down on his shoulder.

"come on, lollipop. we gotta take you to meet the family." he took a deep breath. "brace yourself."

when he pulled up to his house, he gave the horn a toot. he pulled hannah out of the car seat and held her on his hip. vanessa came out onto the porch, mattie toddling behind her.

"guess what terri left me?" he said.

vanessa was stunned into total silence, staring at paul with a baby on his hip. mattie clung to her leg.

"don't panic," paul said. "let's just talk for a few minutes."

"oh, god," she said, her eyes as round as doughnuts. "paul, what have you done?"

he took a breath. "the only thing i could think of at the time," he said lamely.

vanessa turned and, taking mattie by the hand, walked back into the house.

paul followed, without even grabbing hannah's diaper bag. they sat in the great room opposite each other, mattie on vanni's lap and hannah on paul's. paul thought this was what a family-counseling session must look like when the family is at odds-separated by space, watching each other warily.

"why?" vanessa asked with a desperate sound.

"why what?" paul returned.

"why would she leave you her child?"

paul shrugged. "the lawyer said she thought i was a good person. in a stable marriage..."

"you call this stable?" vanessa asked, trying to control her voice, trying not to cry. "oh, paul...is this really your child and you lied to me?"

"no, vanni, i've never lied to you about anything. she's not mine. but i told you a long time ago, i offered to help terri. i told her if she ever needed anything, she could get in touch with me through the grants pass company, through my family. i did that because i felt bad for her. and we did have a relationship. not one i'm real proud of, but we did. it turns out she died without anybody able or willing to take on this child. the grandmother's sick, the grandfather's absent, and there's no family."

"and you told her you'd be there for her?" vanni asked.

"yeah, well, i really expected her to call if she was a little short of cash or something...."

"why did you bring her home, paul? without talking to me first?"

paul stiffened a little and firmed his jaw. "because i didn't know what else to do. the lawyer who terri worked for, who did her will and trust, he and his wife are fond of her and have been taking care of her, but they're grandparents and they've already raised four kids. honest to god, if he'd asked to keep her, i would have walked away, knowing she was in good hands. but he's not up to it, vanni. and she's not a stray puppy. she's a living, breathing person."

vanni scooted forward on the sofa. "what about her biological father?"

"he doesn't want her," paul said, instinctively pulling hannah protectively closer. "we should talk about this, think about it, and if it's not possible for us, if it's not the best thing all around, mr. hanson will help us find a loving home for her. but i think we should at least try. we can talk about it and try it out a little bit."

"why? did you maybe care about that woman a lot more than you told me?"

he took a breath. "i don't care if this makes sense or not, but terri entrusted this child to me. to my care. and she was a friend. and she's dead. and this little girl has no one. no one, vanessa." he stared at his wife. "as a favor to me, will you at least think about the possibility?"

"what about a child of our own? what about that?"

"is that out of the question? because you said you wanted a houseful. you're wonderful at it."

"paul, are you clueless? she's what-about nine months? ten? mattie's eighteen months. i had my iud removed! i could have another one in nine months! you don't just bring home a baby under a year old and say, 'here-add one more in diapers!' how wonderful do you think any woman can be at this?"

right on cue, hannah lifted her little hand in the air toward vanessa and said, "ma! ma, ma, ma!"

"oh, god," vanessa said. and tears rolled down her cheeks because she didn't want to turn her back on this little girl any more than paul did, but the enormity of the task was overwhelming. and the fact that the baby was terri's didn't make it easier.

"i couldn't just walk away without even trying," paul said.

vanessa shook her head. "how can you love and hate the same thing about a man?" she asked quietly.

"huh?"

"i love that you're so sensitive, so giving," she said just above a whisper. "but do you have any idea what you've done? i don't want your ex-girlfriend's child to raise and i still can't let you take her away now!"

"i'll help. i'll get you some help."

"we're not doing that well financially. building in virgin river is barely getting off the ground."