"vanni, aren't you getting enough sleep?" he asked.

she just shook her head. "they both sleep through the night. i go to bed with them-i seem to be sleeping a lot. maybe that's it-maybe i'm oversleeping because i just stay so tired."

"what can i do? hold a child, stir a pot?"

"whatever," she said, backing away so he could come in.

noah went straight to the playpen. he was saying, "hey now," to the little ones, but he was thinking, uh-oh. she's sinking. whether under the strain of two small children or the emotional distress, it was hard to tell at first glance. but something had to be done here. he lifted mattie out of the playpen first because he was the biggest. and then, when hannah put her fat little arms around his neck, with his forearm under her bum, he pulled her up. both children held on to him, one head on each shoulder. he jiggled and talked softly. they quieted at once; they had only needed to be held. they were as tired and frustrated as vanni.

vanni had disappeared into the kitchen and noah just held a couple of armfuls of kids until the crying was under control. and then he said to them, "well, first things first." and he went down the hall in search of a nursery.

he kept talking in a soft voice while he put mattie in one of the two cribs in the room and hannah on the changing table. this was new territory for him. he'd changed a baby or two, but not in a long time. he kept talking while he studied the disposable diapers kept in a diaper caddy that hung on the side of the changing table. there were two stacks in there and he took a smaller one for hannah. he opened it, located the sticky tabs and held it up. then he gingerly removed her diaper and said, "ewww." she giggled at him. "yeah, i bet you think that's funny. you should see it from my point of view. hannah, that's disgusting." she giggled again while he looked around for wipes, finding them on a shelf underneath the changing platform. he was making a face that hannah found hilarious as he gingerly wiped stinky poop off her rosy butt. it took a lot of wipes because he was reluctant to get too close.

he got her clean, but her bottom was pink, like maybe she wasn't being changed often enough. and he had completely destroyed a new diaper in the process, tearing the sticky tabs clean off, but he was luckier with the second one, though it seemed to be listing to one side. mattie was a simpler affair; he wasn't muddy. with a child on each hip and one terrible diaper and one nontoxic, he found vanni in the kitchen. she turned from the sink and saw the diapers and wrinkled her nose.

"which one of you had the present for pastor kincaid?" she asked, taking the dirty diddies.

"it was madam," he said. he watched as vanni folded the dirty diaper and deftly taped it closed in a nice, tight, odorless package. "wow," noah said. "that was slick."

"let's put them in the high chairs," she said, taking mattie and leaving noah to settle hannah. "what brings you by, noah? checking on me?"

"in a way," he said. "you've been on my mind and i wondered how it was going. i hope i'm not imposing too much. looks like you could use a hand."

"i could use nine hands," she said, but not much humor seeped through.

once the kids were settled in high chairs, she put some crackers on their trays and fixed up two sippy cups with juice.

"hannah's bottom is kind of pink," he said. "kind of too pink."

"i'll take care of that," she said.

noah pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and sat down. "you could use a little help around here," he said. "just during the really busy times. huh? so you can catch up a little, maybe steal a nap. any friends or family available for that?"

she shrugged and although dinner makings were spread across the island, she poured two cups and sat down with him. "everyone is willing, but everyone is also far too busy. shelby's starting school in a few days; she's waited forever for that. plus, she's planning her wedding and i'm supposed to be helping her. my dad and muriel are pretty caught up in running two ranches and doing some traveling for muriel's new movie. believe me, i couldn't be more pleased about that-i haven't seen my dad this happy in years. noah, i don't want to impose on anyone. this is our problem. we need to figure it out."

"might be easier to figure out with a little help."

vanni just glanced into her coffee cup.

and noah thought, she wants it to be hard, because she's thoroughly pissed off. she's having trouble caring about this infant because paul brought her home and she's angry with him, with the baby, and mostly with herself. and anger turned inward is depression. and depression can be deadly.

"did paul mention that he has crews working on the church now?" he asked her.

she shrugged and said, "i can't remember. he may have mentioned it."

"well, it's loud, and it's going to stay that way for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. they're scraping the outside of the church, sanding the sanctuary floor, tearing windows out of the frames, that sort of thing. i have this girl working for me now-nice young girl. ellie baldwin."

"i think i heard about her," vanni said.

"well, i have a million things to do every day that take me out of the church and i leave her to clean, paint, answer the phone, and i think she's about ready to kill me. i'll send her out here to help tomorrow. she'll thank me for it."

"a young girl?" vanni asked. "are you sure that's going to help me?"

"she's twenty-five and has children of her own. they're with her ex-husband right now and she really misses them."

"why are they with her ex-husband?" vanni wanted to know.

"reasonable question, before you let her help out with your children. the details aren't really mine to share, but i can assure you she's a wonderful mother. i've spent a couple of days with her and the kids and she's devoted to them. she's brash with me." he laughed. "and nothing but sweet and gentle with the kids. the separation is real hard on her. maybe this will serve two purposes-give her some kids to cuddle and you a little break. plus, she cleans like a genie in a bottle."

"are you sure she wouldn't mind?" vanni asked.

"oh, i'm positive she'd welcome it, compared to the crappy work i've had her doing on that old church." and maybe gramma baldwin can counsel while she's at it. he smiled secretly.

when ellie came to the church the next morning, noah said, "i have a special assignment for you. today, tomorrow and for as long as you think it's necessary. some friends of mine have a situation-you know paul? the builder?"

"can't miss him," she said. she dug into her tight jeans and pulled out a couple of cotton balls she clearly intended to stuff in her ears.

"well, a woman he barely knew and whom his wife never met died recently and, guess what? she named paul as her baby's guardian in her will. without any warning, with a son of their own only eighteen months old, they inherited a baby girl who is under a year. vanni is struggling to keep up and they might be getting the best of her. go out there and help, will you?"

"what should i do?" she asked.

"you'll know what to do. i wrote down some directions for you-they're about ten minutes out of town. and, ellie? if you can make her laugh, that would be good."

"sure," she said, grinning. "i'll get right on it. i have a bunch of preacher jokes i haven't tried out yet."

when ellie rang the bell at vanni's house, the door was a long time in opening. when vanni finally answered, she had a little boy on her hip, the sound of a baby fussing behind her, and she was wearing her robe. "hi, i'm ellie, pastor kincaid's assistant," she said. "want a hand?"

"you'll be sorry," vanessa said, turning away from the door.

"nah, i'll be happy. your husband is making my life miserable!" ellie walked in and went immediately in search of the fussy baby. she found her standing in the playpen, reaching out. the second ellie came into the room, her face lit up in a beautiful smile. she reached for the baby. "well, my little cupcake. what's your name?"

"that's hannah, our newcomer," vanni said. "and this is matt."

"hello, hannah. what a pretty name. are you wet or hungry or just ornery?"

"she could be wet, but they've had breakfast."

"then let's try a change," ellie said. "where are the diapers?"

"right down the hall. i could do it if you-"

"nah, let me. it's been years since i've changed a baby. i kind of miss those early days, difficult as they are." and off she went to carry through. when she returned a few minutes later, vanni was sitting on the couch, holding matt, looking pretty down in the dumps. "this one has diaper rash, but you probably knew that."

"i've been putting stuff on her. there's a tube on the changing table."

"uh-huh, i found it, gave her a good smear."

"listen, if you have other things to do-"

"my mission, assigned by none other than his holiness kincaid, is to see what i can do to help you. i understand miss hannah here was a surprise?"

"to put it mildly," vanni said.

"well, that's my specialty. both of mine were surprises. but what luck-they're awesome. danielle is eight and trevor is four."

"you don't seem old enough to have an eight-year-old," vanni said.

"oh, i'm not." she laughed. "like i said, i specialize in surprise children. but i've decided to give that up."

"paul and i were just about to start on one of our own when hannah showed up."

ellie frowned. "one of your own?"

"oh, i guess noah didn't tell you. i was married to paul's best friend before. i was pregnant when he was killed in iraq. and paul stepped in to be my husband and matt's father. and, as it turned out, a woman he'd dated before we married died in a car accident and bequeathed that adorable little package to us."

"well, holy shit," ellie said. "no wonder you're a little out of sorts! so you're the mother of that one and paul's the father of-"

"no, hannah's not his. sometimes i think it might be easier if she were. but she's not. and even considering hannah has a father out there somewhere, paul brought her home."

ellie nuzzled the little girl. it was anyone's guess what vanni struggled with most-the fact that she suddenly had two small children, or that one of them was paul's previous girlfriend's. did vanni wonder just how important hannah's mother was to him? that would be enough to put anyone in a mood. but she said, "listen, i have an idea. since everyone is dry and fed, why don't i take over while you enjoy your morning rituals. take some time. have a long soak or shower, a primp, even a rest if you're tired. i can handle everything till lunchtime. or even longer."

"you might find it to be more than you bargained for."

ellie shrugged. "or, i could have more fun than i've had cleaning and painting an old church. if i have trouble, i'll come for you. go on now-this is your big break. unless-gee, maybe you want to observe me for a while, to be sure i'm okay with the kids?"

"noah says you're wonderful with kids."

"he did? well, how about that. i should be-i've had plenty of practice. it's been just me and the kids for a long time."