matthew would be heading back to an empty apartment in south carolina until he was assigned to a new case. he hoped it would differ greatly from this one and he was fairly sure it would. in the meantime, he'd decided he wouldn't give up on getting in touch with demitri balk. the guy was dirty and despite all evidence to the contrary, he wasn't untouchable. perhaps, in time, he would also lead him to muhammad rafiq and the rest of his cohorts.

james cole deserved justice.

"i don't want revenge, caleb. i don't want to end up like you, letting some f**king vendetta run my life. i just want my freedom." - livvie

chapter twenty-seven

day 287: kaiserslautern, germany

he'd learned the hard way that there was no future when all he could see was revenge. the only thing revenge had ever given him was a brief moment of satisfaction, followed by an empty abyss. he was through with revenge. he wanted to feel full instead of empty, loved, instead of feared.

love, caleb reminded himself. love was the purpose of all this. he'd been dreaming of this moment for nearly a year, but now that his moment had arrived, he hesitated. was it the right thing to do? should he take his own advice: leave and never look back? he wasn't sure.

as a slave trainer, he had trained at least a score of girls. some had been willing, offering themselves as pleasure slaves to escape destitution, sacrificing freedom for security. others had come to him as the coerced daughters of impoverished farmers looking to off load their burden in exchange for a dowry. some had been the fourth or fifth wives of sheikhs and bankers sent by their husbands to learn to satisfy their distinct appetites. he had trained so many, he had forgotten their names.

he knew them all by heart now. ojal nath had ended up in turkey; her master had died and passed her off to his son. caleb had paid a king's ransom to set her free. she was safe at home with her family now, and she had enough money to support herself and her young daughter.

he'd been too late to save pia kumar, she had been dead for nearly five years. she had been beaten to death by her master's new wife. caleb had made sure to bury the both of them together. alive.

isa nasser, naba mazin, and jamila awad, had refused their freedom. they had come to him willing from the first and they lived happily with their respective masters/husbands. they'd been more terrified of caleb than of remaining in their servitude. he'd wished them well and vowed to keep an eye on them.

his years spent with rafiq had built him a reputation and caleb took full advantage of the fear he'd cultivated as rafiq's 'loyal disciple'. a lot of blood had been spilled in the last ten months, some of it even belonged to caleb, but it didn't buy redemption. caleb knew he could never be redeemed and he'd made his peace with it. he couldn't right the wrongs, but he could offer a better future to those he'd wronged for the sake of his own selfishness.

it wasn't about revenge. caleb had had enough revenge to last him several lifetimes. the things he'd done to rafiq and jair in mexico hadn't given him solace. they'd given him nightmares. for caleb, it had become about love. he loved livvie. through her, he'd learned what love could make a person do and it drove him forward. she had given him a gift and while he didn't deserve it, he tried to make sure it had not been wasted.

his work was far from over and he remained dedicated to his task, but the road was long and caleb was only human. there was a hole in his heart and each day it grew, threatening to pull him into a pit of despair.

caleb, from his vantage point diagonally across the street, glanced at the girl he'd been observing for the last thirty minutes. her hair was pulled away from her face, a heavy frown played across her mouth as she stared intently at the laptop sitting on the table in front of her. she fidgeted sometimes, alluding to a sense of restlessness she was unable to hide. he wondered why she seemed so anxious. as he eyed her beautiful face, he felt himself bursting with hope and burning with shame.

after mexico, caleb had traveled farther and farther south, until he could book passage to switzerland. he liked zurich, he liked its diversity and wealth, and he knew no one would notice him there. he'd been putting his investments into commodities and he had enough money now to live as he pleased and travel the world to free the women he had wronged. still, it wasn't in his nature to pursue being miserable, and so, he'd looked for livvie.

at first, there had been plenty of information. he'd simply had to get on his computer and sift through the dozens of news stories from the weeks following her rescue. things had not been easy for livvie once she'd crossed the border. she had been the target of a controversy-starved media. they followed her every move, and her reluctance to speak with the press only made her a more attractive target.

her beautiful face had lit up his computer screen, but all he had learned was that she refused to speak to anyone. she had looked sad, and his heart had ached because he'd known it was his fault. then, after a few weeks of coverage, livvie had seemingly disappeared.

caleb had called the bank in mexico and was informed the account he had set up was closed several months back. the person who'd closed the account had left no messages with the bank.

his next plan of attack had been to find livvie through her family. caleb knew the fbi would be keeping a close eye on livvie and had decided to hire a private investigator online. livvie's family was gone and the private investigator he'd hired couldn't provide him with any answers. instead, the investigator had asked to meet in person, and caleb had severed all communication.

he'd almost given up hope of finding her until he remembered she'd had a friend named nicole. caleb didn't know the girl's last name and he'd had to go about finding her himself. she was attending university in california. he'd followed her for weeks, but saw no signs of livvie.

his break didn't come until nicole left her laptop unattended while she went off to play a game of ultimate frisbee with her friends. caleb had simply walked past the table filled with belongings and snatched it up, along with other things of value he could grab in a few seconds. he wanted it to look like a general robbery.

livvie had not been easy to find and at first he had been glad. however, as the months had passed, he'd become obsessed with knowing how she was. nicole's laptop stood the best chance of letting him know how livvie had fared. he'd told himself he only wanted to make sure she was safe and happy, but in the back of his mind, he'd known the real reason he wanted to find her again.

"i'm yours! isn't that what you said? isn't it what you promised? what we swore!" she'd cried.

back at his hotel, he'd opened the laptop with shaking fingers and a racing heart. at first, he'd thought it was yet another dead end, but then he realized nicole had been trying to make contact with someone named sophia, for quite some time. he followed the trail, opening each message nicole had sent until at last, he arrived at an email from sophia.

to: nicole <>

from: sophia <

[email-protected]

/* */

...>

subject: re: where the hell are you?

december 23, 2009

hey girl, long time, no hear - i know. i'm sorry. even as i write this, i know you have every right to hit the delete button, but i hope you'll at least hear me out. it's almost christmas, and i'm lonely. i miss you. i miss my family (never thought i'd say that).

i've been wandering around europe, seeing all the things most people won't get to see in their entire lives. the truth? it's not all it's cracked up to be. the french are truly ass**les. i wouldn't suggest coming unless you speak fluent french, because they're pretty crappy to tourists. for the city of love, it's pretty damn lonely. i had to take the stairs up the eiffel tower and when i finally reached the top i realized i had no one to share the moment with me. i mean, it was crowded and people were pushing, but the view was truly gorgeous, but alone, it's just another tall building. someone stole my wallet and i didn't notice until i tried to get something from the gift shop.

england is super expensive. did you know it's like two dollars to every pound?!? i didn't stay there long. the money i have is great, but it won't last forever if i don't take care of how i spend it. the one great thing about england is the people are much nicer, but the men remind me a little too much of you know who. the accent makes me want to cry.

i miss him, nick. i know it's stupid, but i do. i think it's why i couldn't talk to anyone after i left the hospital. i didn't think you'd understand. it's not that i don't trust you - i do. it's just that i love him and everyone else hates him and i can't deal with it.

someday, i'll be ready. someday, i'll stop loving him and seeing him everywhere i go. i'll stop hearing his voice in my head and dreaming of his kisses every night. someday, i'll be able to see things the way i should and i'll hate him for everything he put me through - but not today. not tomorrow.

you're angry with me and believe me, i get it. i would be pissed if you decided to fall off the edge of the earth and not reply to my messages, but i needed time. i still need time. if you're not there for me when i'm through this, i'll understand. just know, i love you and i never wanted things to be this way between us. if i don't hear from you, have a merry christmas.