i went downstairs to keep our friends company while livvie cleaned herself up. once she came down, we dined on arroz con gandules and steak. we had birthday cake for dessert, and i will always remember the smile on livvie's face when she blew out her candles.

that night, after everyone else had left and we were finally alone, livvie and i sat on our new sofa and stared into the flames of our new fireplace.

"thank you, james. i had a great birthday."

i chuckled.

"moving boxes, emotional trauma, and birthday cake-you're easy to please."

she nudged my ribs.

"butthead."

"i'll let you have that one since it's your birthday."

"speaking of, do i get a present?" i could hear the smile in her voice.

"yes. do you want it?" i coaxed.

"of course!"

"very well, but first... i believe it's customary to give the birthday girl a spanking."

livvie squirmed.

"but... i'm so tired!"

"good. less chance of you moving around so much." i adjusted our bodies and placed her over my lap. it was the most uninspired spanking i've ever delivered. she giggled through the entirety of it and i did nothing to curb her behavior.

"aww, you went soft on me." she was still laughing between panting breaths.

"there are no drapes in the living room. i don't want to scare the neighbors just yet."

"oh. my. god. i forgot about the windows." she scrambled up and sat in my lap. "they probably think we're perverts."

"aren't we?"

"good point. now, kind sir, my present please." she held out both hands. i lifted her off my lap and we walked upstairs.

i'm going to interject now and tell you upfront that i won't be sharing the details of my gift to livvie. don't pout! it's simply too embarrassing to rehash. however, as i don't want to read the incessant questions about it on the internet, i'll tell you this: it involved recreating another of livvie's memories... of me... alone... in the shower. make your own panties wet! i'm moving on to the next chapter.

chapter fourteen

i was dreaming. i hate it when i dream, but for the first time in recent memory... it was good. i was having the kind of dream a person doesn't wish to wake up from. rafiq was there, but it wasn't really him. it was a version of him i'd never know and that he could never be. his presence made it obvious i was dreaming, but his company added something and i chose to go along.

livvie and i were having a party. we were celebrating my birthday. there were lots of people i didn't recognize, but livvie seemed to know them. i think one of them was her mother. they were in the kitchen together, pouring champagne into long flutes. one of livvie's sisters was trying to convince them she could have a glass. she looked the way i imagine livvie looked as a child. livvie looked so happy.

"you've done well, khoya. i'm proud of you. you deserve this," rafiq said. he clapped me on the back and ruffled my hair the way he used to when i was a boy. i swatted his hand away.

"i'm not a child. stop doing that." i couldn't stop smiling.

"i know. you're a man now. you have a family of your own. perhaps i am only reminiscing over the boy i knew." he ruffled my hair again and i didn't mind.

"i'm glad you could come. i don't have any other family."

"we're orphans, caleb. we make our own families."

i laughed.

"yes, i remember."

"and the rest? do you remember that as well?" sadness had crept into his voice.

"i forgave you. it's all led me here." i looked toward livvie and her mother. they waved at me and i raised a hand to acknowledge them.

"who's this guy? he looks rather interesting and scary." claudia bumped into my side and nearly pushed me into rafiq.

"do you always have to be so forceful?"

"i don't like it when i'm not the center of attention." she winked.

"it's my birthday!" i chided. claudia shrugged.

i introduced claudia to rafiq and made a hasty exit. she was already asking him intimate questions about his role in my life. rafiq looked like he'd smelled something foul and i laughed. he deserved it.

as i walked into the main living room, rubio was working on connecting the playstation. he turned toward me when i came in.

"give me a hand, james? i can't seem to do anything in these ridiculously skinny pants." rubio is a quiet guy. my head couldn't create inventive dialogue for him.

i couldn't quite put the playstation together either.

"i'm dreaming, rubio. i can't put this shit together. hold on." i kicked the playstation and all the cables were magically connected.

"nice! someday, when claudia stops coddling me like an infant, i hope you can teach me how to be more of a man," rubio said (it's my dream-stop judging me).

"you can start by taking care of this." i took out a pair of scissors from my pocket and cut the large hank of hair covering most of his face. there was a large round of applause.

"okay everyone, it's time to sing happy birthday!" the crowd parted for livvie as she walked out of the kitchen holding a large chocolate cake covered in candles.

happy birthday to you.

happy birthday to you.

happy birthday dear, james.

happy birthday to you.

i scrunched my face. when had i learned that song?

wake up, birthday boy. it's time for one of your presents.

something soft touched my face.

wake up, sexy. it's your birthday.

i smiled both inside and outside the dream. livvie. she was real. she was with me. she was mine. if the dream had been good-and it had been-waking up had been even better.

i opened my eyes slowly. reality and fantasy rearranged themselves in my mind until everything was clear. i smiled when i saw livvie standing by the side of the bed. she raised her arm and tickled my face with a long feather. i rubbed my nose.

"that's not what that's for," i said. my voice was rough. i yawned and stretched.

"want me to tickle your penis?" she flicked the feather over the tent in the sheets.

i put my hand over my erection and turned away.

"no. that's not for you. i have to go to the bathroom."

"well get up! i have a whole day of birthday activities planned and you're spoiling my fun with your sleeping... and your pee boner."

i laughed.

"i hate when you call it that."

"yeah? well i hate that i can't play with it. why the hell is it so hard if i'm not supposed to play with it? that's false advertising, mister."

i flopped onto my back and threw my arms across my eyes.

"fine. ravage me. but don't expect to go anywhere for a while." the last time she mounted my morning erection i couldn't come for over an hour. livvie had to take a nap when we finished and the whole morning had been appropriated.

"le sigh. it's going to have to wait. we have plans. now, get up!" livvie put her hands on my stomach and bounced me up and down.

"stop!" i really had to piss. i grabbed livvie around her waist and pulled her into the bed with me. she squealed as i tickled her. "i'm going to do this until you pee!" her legs were kicking, but i threw the comforter over them until she was trapped.

"oh, god! oh, please. please stop!" she was laughing despite the panic i could see in her eyes.

"are you sorry?" i teased.

"yes! please!" livvie was panting by the time i stopped tickling her. she smiled up at me.

"can i kiss you?" i asked.

"you haven't brushed your teeth." she wrinkled her nose.

"i know. that's why i asked." i was already leaning down toward her mouth. i kept it brief. i hopped off of her quickly and made my way into the bathroom before she could try to retaliate.

there was a knock on the door.

"meet me downstairs when you're done. i made breakfast."

"okay," i said.

once i was done using the bathroom, i washed my hands and brushed my teeth. as i wiped my face on a purple hand towel (livvie had worked her frilly girl-magic in our bathroom), i stared at myself in the mirror. it was my first birthday. i was twenty-eight. the feeling was surreal. i wondered if i looked my age.

this is my life. i was a whore in my youth, a killer since my adolescence, and a monster as a man. who am i now? what am i now? i shrugged.

livvie and i had been living together for about four months. it had taken some getting used to in the beginning. i wasn't accustomed to having another person around me every day. although, having already spent so much time with livvie during her captivity and also having made every effort to see her often while we were dating made it somewhat easier to adjust. if i needed to hide out for a while, i would usually go upstairs to work on livvie's library/office some more. otherwise, i was downstairs working on building new sets to exorcise my perversions (a few of the perversions were her ideas). livvie made me put a lock on the door so no one would accidentally stumble across it.