"i'm trying."

the best way to say this was straight out, rachel decided. "i'm pregnant," she told him quietly.

bruce blinked. when he apparently realized what she'd said, he leaped off the sofa and started pacing. he shoved his hands through his hair. "did you just tell me you're...pregnant?"

"yes."

"you're sure? this isn't a false alarm?"

"i'm sure."

"have you been to the doctor?"

"yes."

"when?"

"last month."

"last month?" he spewed out the words. "you've known this for a month?"

"i found out the night teri had the triplets."

bruce stared at her. "but how-"

"this might be news to you," she broke in, "but guess what? i didn't get pregnant all by myself. this baby has a father."

"me."

"no kidding!"

"i'm...not sure what to say."

"how about-oh, i don't know-'wow,' or 'that's great,' or 'i couldn't be happier,' or-"

he knelt down in front of her and grabbed both her hands, smiling the goofiest, happiest smile she'd ever seen. "how about 'thank you'?"

rachel swallowed back tears. "that works."

he placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her. rachel flung her arms around his neck and reveled in his love.

"why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked.

"i was afraid," she whispered.

"afraid," he repeated. "of what? we both want a baby. we've talked about it. okay, we'd planned to wait, but it happened-and frankly, i think it's wonderful."

she slipped her fingers through his hair. "i hoped you'd feel that way. the pregnancy came as a shock to me, a total surprise, and i was afraid it would to you, too."

"this is the best kind of surprise. i can't believe you kept it to yourself for so long."

she looked away. "i had to. because of jolene."

the instant she spoke, she saw doubt pass over his face.

"it was the one thing she asked us to do. to wait. not to have a baby yet."

"we can't live by her dictates," bruce argued. he kissed her again with an adoration that made rachel go weak in his arms.

"i know and i agree, but jolene has had to deal with a number of significant changes this year. adding my pregnancy to the mix complicates everything."

bruce frowned. "i still think we should tell her right away."

"no," rachel pleaded. "not yet. let's give it a few weeks. once school's out, i'll start working half days. i'm hoping that the time i spend with her one-on-one will allow us to repair our relationship." maybe just being together, without bruce, would make a difference. maybe jolene would stop competing for her father's affection. maybe she and rachel could regain the love and trust they'd once shared.

"well...today was good. she asked you to help her with math."

rachel nodded.

"maybe it'll work."

"well, i want to make the effort."

he continued to look a bit uncertain.

"let me tell her about the baby," rachel said. "i want her to know what an important role she'll play as the baby's big sister. my goal is for jolene to be as excited about this addition to our family as we are. to welcome this child, prepare for her-"

"or him."

"or him," she added, smiling, "with joy and anticipation."

bruce exhaled slowly. "fine. i'll leave it up to you. tell her when you feel it's right."

"thank you," she whispered.

he sat back down beside her and they watched the rest of the police drama together. twice she caught him staring at her.

"bruce," she muttered the second time.

"what?"

"try to wipe that silly grin off your face."

"i can't."

"try harder."

"don't want to."

rachel groaned. "you're going to make this impossible."

"no, i won't."

the credits rolled across the screen. "are you tired yet?" bruce asked.

"it's only nine o'clock."

he stretched out his arms and gave a loud yawn.

"bruce," she chided. if jolene walked in on them now, she'd be horrified.

"i can't help it, woman, i'm crazy about you." then he chuckled and placed his hand over her stomach. "as this proves right here."

"shhh," she warned.

"my lips are sealed," bruce said.

rachel sighed and snuggled close to her husband. he'd promised not to tell jolene and she prayed he would keep his word. that he could keep his word and not let it slip before she was ready to tell jolene. and jolene was ready to hear.

nineteen

gloria parked outside the mcafees' house and sat in her car for ten minutes before she found the courage to approach the door. she badly needed a mother's advice, and although she wanted to speak honestly with corrie, she wasn't sure she could.

chad had left ten messages on her phone. she hadn't answered even one. his final message was that this was the last time he'd contact her. he'd obviously meant it. gloria hadn't heard from him in the two weeks since.

that was what she wanted. wasn't it?

yes, she insisted to herself again. it was!

then why, oh, why, couldn't she stop thinking about him? she'd spent so many sleepless nights pounding her pillows, fighting to get his image out of her mind, that she was about to go mad.

yes, he was attractive, but so were lots of other men. the simple truth was: no man had ever affected her as powerfully as dr. chad timmons.

all her life gloria had been a reserved and private person. she didn't freely share her thoughts or feelings with others. yet an hour after meeting chad, she'd practically spilled out her entire life story. she'd shared her emotions, her doubts and fears. at that time, that first night, she'd even told him why she'd moved to cedar cove. no one else knew. only chad. that he could so easily strip away her defenses alarmed her. terrified her.

now, after two weeks of silence, she still couldn't get him off her mind. she had to do something, but she was helpless to know what.

holding her breath, she rang the doorbell and waited for her birth mother to answer. roy was gone; gloria had seen him drive away as she turned onto harbor street. she remembered that corrie sometimes took tuesdays and thursdays off and hoped she'd be at home.

she was.

"gloria! what a pleasant surprise. come in, come in."

gloria stepped into the family home and glanced at the photos lining the mantel. the one of her, in her sheriff's uniform, stood next to linnette's and mack's high school graduation pictures. the professional family photograph on the wall above the fireplace showed roy and corrie maybe fifteen years earlier with their two children and a dog, who must have passed into doggy heaven. she didn't even know that dog's name.

"i was just emailing linnette," corrie said.

"how's she doing?"

"terrific," corrie told her. she walked into the kitchen and over to the coffeepot and refilled her mug. "would you like some?"

gloria shook her head. "would it be all right if i had a glass of water instead?"

"of course." corrie immediately opened the cupboard above the coffeepot and took down a glass, which she filled with ice and water and brought to gloria.

she sat on the stool and drank half the water before setting the glass on the counter. her throat felt dry, her skin clammy. "i...i need some advice."

corrie dragged a stool to the other side of the counter. "i'm happy to help in any way i can," she said, sitting down.

"i...met someone a few years back."

"male?"

gloria avoided eye contact and nodded. "i barely knew him and we..." admitting what she'd done was more difficult than she would've guessed.

"you went to bed with him," corrie said matter-of-factly.

gloria nodded again. "i was embarrassed and shocked by my behavior and chose not to see him again." her hand tightened around the water glass. "he made numerous efforts to contact me.... i rebuffed each one until he finally gave up."

"why, exactly, did you refuse to see him?"

"first, like i said, i was embarrassed. second, i felt vulnerable around him. emotionally vulnerable." she paused. "there was another...complication. another woman, someone i cared-care-about was interested in him. so even if i'd been willing to risk a relationship with this man, i felt i had to step back."

her mother seemed to understand. "do you still have strong feelings for him?"

gloria shrugged. "i must, because i can't stop thinking about him-but there's more to the story."

"the other woman?"

"no, she's out of the picture." she had to hope corrie wouldn't guess that she was talking about linnette.

"okay, fill me in on what happened next."

gloria could hardly believe the water glass didn't shatter in her hand from the pressure. she made a concerted but unsuccessful effort to relax.

"about a month ago, this man...he let me know he was moving away and..." she closed her eyes and inhaled. "i asked him to stay. he agreed and we went on a second date." the lump in her throat felt huge and she tried to swallow it. "the same thing happened all over again." she said this last part in a harsh whisper.

"you spent the night with him?"

gloria hung her head. "yes. i woke up embarrassed and...and furious with myself. i don't think either of us planned it but...it just...happened. again."

"have you seen him since?"

her birth mother seemed to intuitively ask the right questions. "no, and i don't want to."

corrie smiled knowingly. "because you're afraid."

"yes, and can you blame me? the only thing we have in common that i can see is our...our sexual interest in each other. he also knows too much about me. i don't talk about myself with other people-it makes me uncomfortable."

"but you do with him?"

"yes."

"are you in love with this man?"

if gloria had the answer to that, she wouldn't be sitting in corrie's kitchen seeking advice. "i...i don't really know. i think i might be, but i don't know my own heart. i feel so confused. i'm not sure of myself anymore or how to react." she shook her head and her hair fell forward. tucking it behind her ears, she realized her hands were trembling.