"this is the worst, isn't it?" i grumbled, laughing a little at the absurdity of our situation. "some couple we make...."

"we will get through this," jericho promised, and for the first time all night i heard the optimism in his voice. "it won't be much longer before we make a move on the citadel and when this is all over you, and i can be together and this season of our lives will become only a memory."

i tipped my chin up to his mouth and invited him to kiss me. he closed the space between our lips, taking my mouth in his and kissing me passionately. his magic finally released in a sigh of relief that surged against mine. i kissed him back with confidence and security. unlike when i kissed kiran for show, with jericho, i knew i was supposed to kiss him, i knew his arms were supposed to be wrapped around me and it felt right. it felt acceptable.

still, with kiran there was a.....

i couldn't think it, i couldn't entertain the thought and so i threw myself further into jericho, pushing him backward on the bed and running my hand over his muscular chest reminding him with my body that i belonged to him, that i promised myself to him.... that i loved him.

he took my initiative with a sigh of longing, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him so that nothing remained between our bodies or our magic. his mouth moved against mine in a fevered passion, desperate to take all of me in that kiss, to remind me there was chemistry between us.

i gasped for breath, refusing to leave his arms, or remove my lips from his. like so many other events in my life, being separated from jericho after just starting something serious with him was another unfairness i had to live with. only, i reminded myself, i willingly walked away from jericho believing i had a bigger responsibility to a greater cause.

i loved jericho, but circumstances had to line up perfectly in order for us to be together permanently. i would continue my role at the castle and if for some terrible reason avalon and the resistance weren't able to get to me before may first, i would walk down the aisle to kiran and wait it out on the other side of marriage.

having just realized i was willing to go as far as marriage with kiran to protect others, i slowed my mouth against jericho and relaxed my body. with one final, gentle kiss i laid my head against his chest and listened to his heart beat slowly. the realization that jericho and i probably had no future together set into my blood like a slow-working poison and i didn't know what to do. i kept my head firmly nestled into the nook of where his arm met his chest and tried to banish the ominous feeling that our relationship came with our own expiration date. he ran his fingers through my hair, working carefully through the tangles and i wondered if he was having the same thoughts, the same vision of a love that would not last.

another love that wouldn't last.

and then i sat up and looked at him. i wasn't fickle. i wasn't some immature girl anymore that had time to spare and love to throw away. i refused to be the girl that flip-flopped between boys because circumstances dictated who i spent time with.

i held his confused gaze in mine and ran my hand across his angular jaw. "jericho, i love you," i whispered with conviction.

his eyes relaxed and he responded sweetly, "i love you too."

"this is dismal.... this situation we're in, i get that, but it doesn't have to be. i mean, you have to know and always remember that i love you and that's all that matters. i mean, even if we get to may first and.... and there's nothing we can do to stop the wedding, you need to know that i love you and i always will." tears came to the back of my eyes and i fought against them, not wanting to seem over-dramatic.

"eden," jericho propped himself up on his elbows so that i would take him seriously, "i know that you love me. i don't ever doubt that..... how do i say this," he asked himself and then continued, "but you loved me before you uh.... loved me. does that make sense? you loved me as a friend before you loved me as a boyfriend, ok? and the thing is our relationship started over the most emotional time in your life.... look, what i'm trying to say is that if you stop.... if you go back to just loving me like a friend, i need you to be honest with me. i know what you had with kiran was real, even if you don't want to admit it, but i deserve to be treated fairly.... ok?" jericho sat up all the way and held my face in his hands asking me to agree.

"do you think that's what's going to happen?" i mumbled, depressed that he thought so little of my ability to love him.

"eden, i don't know what's going to happen, no one does. lucan could kill us all first thing in the morning, or we could win this thing and start a new way of life for our people together.... either way, i know what i want to happen and i know how i feel about you. i just wanted you to hear my side of this whole mess.... but know, eden, that i love you with all that i am." he smiled encouragingly at me and i felt it then, the gentle way he was trying to give me a way out if i wanted one. he was the best kind of man and i was lucky he loved me, and that he was willing to put up with me.

"good," i teased, kissing him on the mouth again.

a knock at the door interrupted our moment and avalon's voice could be heard on the other side of it asking us to hurry up.

"come in, avalon," jericho demanded. "do you know it was just like this at canesburry, too?"

"what does that mean?" i shrieked at the insinuation that he was constantly behind closed doors making out with other girls, but instead of encouragement he just winked at me.

"hey, are you going to keep her up here all night, or do i get to see her too?" avalon stuck his head in the door and eyed jericho over with uncharacteristic suspicion.

"we were just about to come downstairs," jericho lied, and avalon saw right through him.

"then let's go!" avalon commanded, opening the door all the way and waiting for us to move, "eden and i have a lot of strategic planning to go over, lots of important resistance things to discuss. we're very important people, jericho, and you're taking up our very valuable time," avalon scolded jericho with strong sarcastic tones and i couldn't stop laughing.

"is that true avalon? do we have a lot to discuss?" i asked in between gasps for breath.

"no, not at all, but i want to talk to you, too, and all jericho wants to do is steal your virtue. i couldn't, in good conscience, and while you're engaged to another man, let that happen," avalon pushed me down the hallway playfully and jericho turned on avalon with a look of pure ire.

"avalon!" i gasped, embarrassed at his insinuation. "my virtue is perfectly protected!"

"good!" avalon bellowed.

we walked downstairs and into the living room where the rest of the group waited for us. i sat down close to lilly on the couch and let her talk my ear off. her mother was fine and avalon had been able to get her father out somehow, too. avalon got me up to speed on the rest of the resistance that was working around the world to recruit others and gather the shape-shifters that lived in isolated, hidden societies all over. the shape-shifters were the most difficult to find, but usually the most ready to join the fight. gabriel and silas interjected when they felt like it, but mostly kept an inconspicuous lookout position, always walking through the house to make sure everything was in order.

we talked and laughed well into the early morning hours. kiran disappeared before i even came downstairs and i assumed he left and that's why everyone felt so free to talk about what was going on. eventually the boys started to drift to the guest bedrooms upstairs and when only jericho and i were left, he pulled me into his arms and i laid my head down on his beating heart and fell asleep in the comfort of a happiness i didn't think would ever exist in my life again.

chapter nineteen

surrounded by almost everyone i held dear, i couldn't find the willpower to say goodbye. still early morning, a fog blanketed the sunflower fields with golden buds just lifting their faces toward the rising sun. a cab waited to take kiran and i back to the city and kiran stood in the midst of us all as if he belonged here, with the resistance.

"eden, don't make this all emotional, just get over here and give me a hug!" avalon demanded, lightening my mood with his sarcastic attitude.

i walked over to him and let him envelope me in his wide wingspan. he lifted me off the ground, hugging me gruffly before setting me down and patting my head like a small child.

"we will get to see each other again, ok?" he comforted soothingly. "if not very soon, then at least by may first. i won't let you marry his royal douchebag, don't you worry." avalon laughed at his own joke, and kiran scowled at him from across the circle. i knew better than to believe avalon still disliked kiran, but i appreciated his willingness to come to my rescue. "and in the meantime, try talking to me a little bit more, huh? i'm actually pretty good company." avalon pushed his long hair behind one ear and looked every bit of bad company. his green eyes sparkled at me, testifying to his sincerity.

"i will," i promised. "and hey, will you call syl for me and just let her know that i'm ok?"

"no problem," avalon agreed.

"eden, honestly," kiran chided, "if you would like to talk to sylvia, all you have to do is ask. you can use my cell phone anytime you want."

"is that true?" i gasped, turning to face kiran to gauge his expression.

"of course, you're not as much of a martyr as you like to believe you are," kiran laughed and avalon gave me an "i told you so" look that i didn't quite understand.

"and you're really not that much of a hero," jericho mumbled.

"is that what you think this is?" kiran's face hardened into an angry mask and he faced jericho with even more hate than was between them last night.

"i know what this is," jericho growled. i left avalon's side and walked over to jericho, slipping my arm around his waist, attempting to comfort him.

"you and i have two very different agendas jericho, do not pretend to know what i'm trying to accomplish," kiran threatened.

"as long as your agenda doesn't interfere with mine, i couldn't care less what you do," jericho finished threateningly, and for some reason that silenced kiran.

"well, you guys are super fun to be around in the morning," i murmured leaving jericho to hug xander and then xavier.

"eden, may i have a word with you?" gabriel asked, his orange eyes flaring like fire beneath lightly tinted aviator sun glasses.

i nodded my head and we walked into the barn where his small plane sat in storage. i shuddered at the sight of the flying death trap, remembering our terrifying trip across the ocean. silas followed us and stood next to gabriel with arms folded and a severe frown. together they looked more like a hit squad than friends.

gabriel, always dressed in his priestly robes, still managed to look more threatening than any non-clergyman i ever met with his shaved head and fiery eyes. silas remained a mystical creature, his smooth black skin the exact tone of the panther he shifted into. there was something about silas, a cool humor to life, but a dangerous mood swing that could easily be flipped if he thought he or anyone he cared for was in danger. together they were more forbidding than any titan i had ever fought and i was glad they were on my side.