scowling, i cut the buttons off both my shirt and my jacket. i was absolutely certain that my newly gained bulk would vanish in the next month or two as i grew taller, but there was no sense in failing an inspection in the meantime. as i refastened the buttons with careful stitches, i moved each one over to allow myself a bit of breathing space. when i put my shirt and jacket back on, i found them much more comfortable, even though it still strained at my shoulders. well, that couldn't be helped. fixing that was beyond my limited tailoring skills. i frowned to myself; i didn't want my clothing to fit me poorly at my brother's wedding. carsina, my fiancee, would be there, and she had particularly asked me to wear my academy uniform for the occasion. her dress would be a matching green. i smiled to myself; girls gave great thought to the silliest things. well, doubtless my mother could make any needed alterations to my uniform, if the journey home did not lean me down as i expected it to.

after a moment's hesitation, i cut the buttons off my trouser waistband and moved them over as well. much eased, i took my books and headed down to the study room to join my fellows.

the scene in bringham house library was much different from our old study room in carneston hall. there were no long trestle tables and hard benches, but round tables with chairs and ample lighting. there were several cushioned chairs set round the fireplace for quiet conversation. i found a spot at a table next to gord, set down my books, and took a seat. he glanced up, preoccupied, and then smiled. "a messenger came for you while you were gone. he gave me this for you."

"this" was a thick brown envelope, from my uncle's address. i opened it eagerly. as i had anticipated, it contained a receipt for my shipboard passage as far as sorton, and a voucher written against my father's bank in old thares for funds for my journey. the note from my uncle said that my father had requested he make my arrangements for me, and that he hoped to see me again before i left for the wedding.

it was strange. until i held the envelope in my hand, i had been content, even satisfied to stay at the academy. now an encompassing wave of homesickness swept over me. i suddenly missed my whole family acutely. my heart clenched as i thought of my little sister yaril and her constant questions, and my mother and the special plum tarts she made for me each spring. i missed all of them, my father, and rosse, my older brother, even my older sister elisi and her endless good advice.

but foremost in my thoughts was carsina. her little letters to me had grown increasingly fond and flirtatious. i longed to see her, and had already imagined several different ways in which i might steal some time alone with her. for a short time after epiny's wedding to spink, i had entertained doubts about carsina and myself. my parents had chosen my fiancee. on several occasions, i'd had reason to doubt that my father always knew what was best for me. could they truly select a woman i could live with, peacefully if not happily, the rest of my life? or had she been chosen more for the political alliance with a neighboring new noble, with the expectation that her placid nature would give me no problems? i suddenly resolved that before i returned to the academy i would know her for myself. we would talk, and not just niceties about the weather and if she enjoyed dinner. i would discover for myself how she truly felt about being a soldier's bride, and if she had other ambitions for her life. epiny, i thought with grim humor, had ruined women for me. prior to meeting my eccentric and modern cousin, i had never paused to wonder what thoughts went through my sisters' heads when my father was not around to supervise them. having experienced epiny's sharp intelligence and acid tongue, i would no longer automatically relegate women to a passive and docile role. it was not that i hoped carsina secretly concealed an intellect as piercing as epiny's. in truth, i did not. but i suspected there must be more to my shy little flower than i had so far discovered. and if there was, i was resolved to know it before we were wed and promised to one another to the end of our days.

"you're a long time quiet. bad news?" gord asked me solemnly.

i grinned at him. "on the contrary, brother. good news, great news! i'm starting for home tomorrow, to see my brother's wedding."

chapter two

homeward bound

m y departure from the academy was neither as swift nor as simple as i had hoped. when i went by the commander's office to inform him that i had my ticket and was ready to leave, he charged me to be sure i had informed each of my instructors and taken down notes of what assignments i should complete before my return. i had not reckoned on that, but had hoped for freedom from my books for a time. it took me the best part of a day to gather them up, for i dared not interrupt any classes. then my packing was more complicated than i had planned, for i had to take my books, and yet still travel light enough that all my provisions would fit in sirlofty's saddle panniers.