she reached down the front of her dress. while i regarded her, dumbstruck, she fished up a brass whistle on a chain. "the girls at the house, they give this to me when i first got there yesterday. they told me some officer's wife in town, she started this thing where all the women wear them, and if they feel they're in danger, all they have to do is blow the whistle, and every woman what's wearing a whistle has to promise that no matter what, if she hears a whistle blow, she'll run toward the sound and help whoever is in danger. that's the deal. and when i said, 'well, what kind of danger?' they told me about not just whores but decent women getting beaten up and raped, and that a girl from sarla's own house had just vanished and everyone thought she was murdered and even though most people knew who did it, no one was stepping forward to protect the whores, so they'd decided they'd join the whistlers and protect each other. and when i asked who killed the girl, one of them said a big fat sonofabitch named never that guarded the cemetery."

she stopped and took a deep breath. the words had spilled out of her like pus squirting out of an infected boil, and i felt much the same way about what she had told me. i wanted to cry. it wasn't a manly reaction, but it was my overwhelming response to what she'd said. even after what had happened to me in town today, it was still shocking to hear that people were talking of me as a rapist and murderer, naming me as the man who had killed fala. i wondered why they were so sure she was dead and why they blamed me. i had no way to clear myself of their suspicions. unless fala showed up somewhere, alive and well, i could not prove she hadn't been murdered and that i hadn't done it. i muttered as much to amzil.

"then you didn't do it." she spoke it as a statement but i heard it as a question.

i replied bluntly. "good god, no. no! i had no reason to, and every reason not to. why would a man kill the only whore in town who would service him willingly?" anger and fear made my heart race. i got up and left the table and went to the door to stare out across the graveyard toward the forest.

"they said-" i heard her swallow, and then she went on, "they said that maybe she wasn't willing, that you kept her in the room a lot longer than any man ever had before. and that maybe you caught her alone, and maybe she said no, not for any money, and that maybe then you raped her anyway and killed her in anger."

i sighed. my throat was tight. i spoke softly. "i don't know what became of fala, amzil. i hope that she somehow got away from gettys and is having a nice life somewhere. i didn't kill her. i never saw her again after that one night. and i didn't force her to keep to her room with me. as far-fetched as it sounds, she wanted to be there." even as i said the words, i realized how unlikely they would sound to anyone else in the world.

"i didn't think you had, nevare. i thought of all the nights we were alone in my house. if you were the kind of man who would force a woman, or kill her if she refused, well-" she paused, then pointed out, "if i'd believed what they said, would i have come all this way out here, alone, not telling anyone where i was going and leaving my kids with strangers who'd toss them out on the streets if i never came back? i didn't believe it of you."

"thank you," i replied gravely. i felt truly grateful. i thought about that. i was grateful because a woman didn't think i was a murderer. when i'd been tall and handsome and golden, everyone had thought well of me. carsina had told me how brave i'd looked. encase the same man in this slab of flesh and these worn clothes and women saw a rapist and murderer. i lifted my hands to my face and rubbed my temples.

"so. nevare. what do you think?"

i dropped my hands and stared at her. "what?"

"i know it's not much time to think about it, but i have to have an answer. last night they let me stay for free. they say that my little ones can sleep in one of the empty rooms at night while i'm working. but that won't change that they'll be growing up as the children of a whore. and i know what will happen to my girls if they do. don't know what would become of sem. truth to tell, i don't even want to wonder what happens to a boy growing up in a whorehouse. i got to get them out of there today, or i got to go to work there tonight. and i know that you know in the past, i've done whatever i had to do to get by, but nevare, i never thought of myself as a whore. just as a mother doing what she had to do, once in a while, to get stuff for her children. but if i start working there, night after night, well, i will be a whore. and no denying it."