i stared at the wealth of bread and meat before me. i knew my father was aghast at my wanton display of gluttony. my shocked hostess was striving to look pleased. worse, i knew that i could consume every bite of it with relish and pleasure. my mouth was running with so much saliva that i had to swallow before i could speak. "this is far too much food. i asked for a small portion of meat and bread."

but the serving man had already hastened away. i could not stop looking at the food, and i knew that no one at the table believed me.

"but it is a wedding!" lady poronte ventured at last. "and surely if there is a time to celebrate in plenty, it is at a wedding."

she meant well. she probably intended to put me at my ease over possessing such an undisciplined appetite and displaying such wanton greed at her table. but it put me in a very strange social situation. if i only sampled a tiny portion of the food now, would it appear that i had disdained her hospitality, or found her cook lacking in talent? i did not know what to do.

"it all looks absolutely wonderful to me, especially after the very plain food they serve us at the academy," i ventured. i did not pick up my fork. i wished they would all vanish. i could not eat with them watching me. yet i also knew i could not refuse to eat, either.

as if he could read my thoughts, my father said in a chill voice, "please, nevare, don't let us inhibit you. enjoy the wedding feast."

"please do," my host echoed. i glanced at him but could not read his face.

"your serving staff is far too generous," i ventured again. "he has brought me much more than i requested." then, fearing that i would sound ungracious, i added, "but i am sure he meant well." i picked up my knife and fork. i glanced at my parents. my mother was attempting to smile as if nothing were amiss or unusual. she cut a tiny bite from her portion of meat and ate it.

i speared one of the dumplings swimming in gravy. i put it in my mouth. ambrosia. the inner dumpling was fine-grained and tender, the outer layer softened with the savory broth. i could taste finely chopped celery, mellowed onion, and a careful measure of bay leaf simmered with the thick meatiness of the gravy. never before had i been so aware of the sensations of eating. it wasn't just the aroma or flavor. it was the sweet briny ham versus the way the spicy p