only my mother and i could hear the venom in his questions. her eyes were very wide and her face pale. i suddenly realized that she feared my father, and that right now her fear was extreme. he flicked a glance at her. "excuse yourself, my lady, and flee this scene if it distresses you. i give you permission."

with an apologetic look to me, she did. her eyes were anxious, but she put a bright smile on her face, rose, and gave us a tiny wave of farewell as if she regretted having to leave us for a time. then she fled across the room and out of the hall.

i glued a smile on my lips and cursed my own creeping fear of him. "i spoke the truth to you, father. i told the servant to bring me a small serving of meat and bread. once that quantity had arrived and lady poronte had witnessed it, what was i to do? waste the abundance they shared with us? claim the food did not suit me and turn it away? the servant placed me in a bad position. i made the best of it that i could. tell me. what should i have done?"

"if you had served yourself a simple meal, instead of waiting to be attended like an old noble's heir son, none of this would have happened."

"and if i had been born with prescience, that is precisely what i would have done," i retorted tightly. where, i wondered in the shocked silence that followed my words, had that retort come from?

astonishment that i would stand up to him jolted my father's smile off his face. i was tempted to believe that i had seen a brief flash of respect in his eyes before he narrowed them at me. he took a short sharp breath as if to speak, and then snorted it out in disdain. "this is not the place nor the time, but i promise you, i will have a reckoning with you over this. for the rest of the day, say little and eat nothing. that isn't a request, nevare. it's an order. do you understand me?"

i thought of a dozen things i could say. but that was after i had given him a tight nod, and he had pushed his chair back and left me. the two large empty platters on the table rebuked me. there was a swallow of wine left in my glass. i reflected bitterly that he had said nothing about drinking and drank it down.

by the time evening arrived and i again mounted to the top of the carriage for the journey home, i was more sodden with brandy than a well-soaked fruitcake. but that, of course, was civilized and acceptable behavior for a soldier son. no one ever rebuked me for that.

chapter six

a day of letters

i did my best to be invisible during the following days of festivities at my home. it was not easy. i had to be present at the dinners, and with a house full of guests, it was difficult to avoid socializing completely. most unpleasant of all for me was that the grenalters had been invited to stay with us. carsina and my sister yaril snubbed me at every opportunity. if by chance i entered a room they were in, they would immediately sweep disdainfully from it. it maddened me with frustration, the more so in that never once did they enter a room and allow me the chance to vacate it as soon as i saw them. i told myself it was juvenile to long for the chance to show carsina just how uninterested i was in her, but in my heart i burned to hurt her pride as she had injured mine. i contented myself with making savagely accurate accounts of all my interactions with her in my soldier son journal.

rosse and cecile had departed on their wedding trip. they intended to travel downriver to old thares, where my uncle would host a reception for them. cecile had two aunts and three uncles in the capitol, so rosse would be exhibited and inspected for several weeks before they returned home to settle into the rooms prepared for the new couple. i pitied them, having to begin a new life under my father's roof. my father, i was sure, would grant them little privacy and even less autonomy.

my father and i were at war now. he was courteous to me while houseguests were present, but once they all had departed, he made his displeasure clear. that evening, just as the house should have been peaceful, he verbally flogged me with all my shortcomings as a son, never giving me an opportunity to reply. after a time, from some depth i didn't know i possessed, i found an icy calm and refused to give him any response. when he angrily dismissed me, i went directly to my room and to bed and spent most of that night staring up at the darkened ceiling and seething. he sought to bring me to heel like a whipped puppy. he cared for nothing i might say in my defense. fine. then he would hear absolutely nothing from me.

after that, our conflict was conducted in silence. i avoided my father's company. when my mother sought conversation with me i spoke about the academy, my teachers and friends, and my uncle's family. of my weight gain and my war with my father, i did not speak. when i was not with her, i rediscovered my boyhood haunts along the river. i went fishing. i counted the days until this "holiday" would be over and i could return to the academy.