Episode 60

Defense Mechanism

He tried not to think of Eris. That’s why he went to see Helena often on purpose. He was relieved to face that fair smile. Helena nodded, listening to his story without any signs of displeasure.

As expected, Helena was good. With Helena, he didn’t think he would have nightmares anymore.

Soon, there was a ceremony to appoint a knight. Jason decided to keep the promise he made to himself that day. He will make an oath that he can only do once for

her.

“I want to make a knightly oath to you.”

On the day of the inauguration ceremony, despite knowing that Eris was listening in the garden, he purposely did not stop.

Even when she was young, Eris used to secretly bully Helena. He had condoned it in the past, but now that he has decided to protect Helena, he couldn’t give her any more slack.

“Jason, you can only take the knight’s oath once! Why would you do that for me..”

“It’s only once, so I want to do it for you, Helena.”

Maybe it would be okay to get married. Life in the imperial palace was hard. It would be much less difficult to live as a duchess than to live as a maid. While thinking of children resembling Helena running in the garden, a smile was drawn on the side of his mouth.

Helena needed him.

Jason knelt on one knee. He pulled out the sword from his waist and handed it to Helena and whispered.

“..., Jason Kazar, pledge allegiance and obedience to Helena Antebellum in front of God. Even if the path is a series of hardships and adversity, I am willing to follow it, and no temptation will subside me.”

“Jason..”

“Helena, even if I can’t walk the same path as you, I want to protect you to the end. Please allow me to do that.”

Her thin hands were hesitant. They slowly came up to his head. The number of spectators increased by one more, but he didn’t care. Alecto was always one step behind because he had a lot of fears. He will run away as always.

Everything went just as Jason expected.

Except for one person.

“Then stab me now.”

“What?”

“Aren’t you holding a sword? You can stab me with that.”

Eris Misérian looked straight at Jason. Jason was overwhelmed by those eyes. Hesitating, Jason retreated.

Eris did not stop and jumped towards Jason’s arms.

No. Jason instinctively dropped the sword and held Eris’ wrists to defend himself.

It wasn’t the attitude of a fearful person. Eris pushed her face closer to Jason’s with a fierce look.

“...When warning someone in front of you. Be prepared to stab the opponent to death right away.”

“You.. Who are you?”

Eris Misérian was not a girl like this. It could not have been Eris Misérian who thought and acted like this. However, Eris turned around laughing at the suspicious Jason.

“Sir Kazar, you weren’t interested in me. That’s an interesting question.”

He couldn’t deny it. Jason almost forgot about Eris. They played together when they were young, but they only said hello and never even talked properly. For him, Eris Misérian was close to the background. The background when meeting Alecto and Helena all the time.

Inside him, a girl named Eris broke into pieces. Jason tried to redefine the figure, but it was somehow impossible.

He didn’t know Eris Misérian. Even if he tried to imagine it, it kept being blurred. A blurred existence, above all else, it had to do with Jason’s fear. Jason resented the world for turning perfectly even in his absence.

Somehow sad and distressed, Jason clenched his empty fist for a long time even after Eris left.

It was from that time that he chased Eris Misérian. The world was harsh on Eris Misérian.

Swordmaster Jason was able to hear the gossip about Eris more than anyone else.

Even the smallest things that Jason had never thought about were criticized.

Only then could Jason understand why the Eris from his childhood was so hung up on perfection. There were many who said she was at fault even when it wasn’t her fault.

Nevertheless, Eris did not complain.

No, actually, she had never complained before.

She always raised her head upright and expressed contempt rather than sadness. Now he knew that being mean to someone was her defense mechanism,

And that even the last defense mechanism was an exception to Alecto. Even if it made her sick, Eris valued her “exception.”

Finally, when Eris fell off the cliff, Jason realized that his curiosity should not end with “curiosity.”

The thin body fell helplessly. Jason fell along with Eris without time to think.

However, let alone being grateful even though he saved her, Eris was busy pushing him away somehow.

Eris who had never cared about herself, Eris who said it didn’t matter if there were many enemies, and Eris who said it was okay to die because she didn’t feel sorry for her life.

What happened to her while he wasn’t there? Even if she hurt others, a girl who didn’t destroy herself doesn’t have any regrets about anything anymore. She speaks precariously, acts precariously, and lives as if to die.

Jason couldn’t understand Eris because he had always longed for life. He didn’t even know how to deal with it because he couldn’t understand it.

His mistakes have come to an irreversible point. It seemed to get worse the more he tried to deal with it, so Jason ran away from someone for the first time,

“Lady Misérian’s criticism and punishment will be sweetened again by returning to the capital, so don’t be too angry. Take Lady Misérian there.”

After letting an angry Eris go, Jason turned to something easier. Something that did not need to be treated preciously or require a single conversation. If you kill, that’s all...

Among the corpses, Jason stood alone and finally decided to try. He was always confident in his efforts and perseverance.

Let’s keep knocking on Eris. If he nudged her, she might think it would be a pity to die someday.

There was a time when he dared to think like that.

Jason Kazar was kind to Eris Misérian. Everyone will say that that statement was true.

However, human relationships are different from any equation or machine, kindness doesn’t produce unconditional favors. Furthermore, some relationships are never restored by individual efforts alone. Jason, unfortunately, realised this too late.

Eris, who came to the mansion for his sister’s debutante ball, was dressed differently from usual. She looked exactly her age. Only after seeing that did, Jason realise that Eris was younger than him.

The Eris he remembered was always more mature, than his age or him. She was cold-hearted, quickwitted, vicious.... he assumed it was true because everyone said so. Usually facts are made that way.

Perhaps what everyone was looking at was the colorful shell of Eris Misérian. Inside, a delicate girl was struggling.

Now, in front of his eyes, the hard shell of Lady Misérian’ was peeling off.

Jason didn’t make her that way. Because she was talking about Alecto, the only person who could break her down.

“I realized that kindness cannot be called love..”

Jason tried to be kind.

“Once upon a time, I thought that if I continued to love him, His Highness would look at me. That was the reason why I was so hung up on the Crown Princess seat. I needed a position from where I could be seen when His Highness looked back at me. It was a place

where I could be rest assured and wait for His Highness with confidence.”

Jason needed a place to rest.

“..I have grown up. Since I realized that His Highness will never love me in my life, wouldn’t it be okay to rest a little now?”

Jason did not grow up.

“It was my lifelong goal to become the Crown Princess and to be loved. It may sound funny to others, but it was as important to me as Lord Kazar’s prophecy, After giving up on things like that, what regrets would I have?”

Eris had acted as if loving someone was the value of her existence.

She loved Alecto and would have liked to marry him and she believed that becoming the empress was the only ending to her life. Why did she like Alecto so much? Jason wanted to ask.

It was only after Jason watched Eris that he was able to look back on himself from the past, who believed that killing the dragon was all he had to do. The way he had been living so far was not living.

It was only a certain amount of time when he reluctantly held his breath because of responsibility,

Did Eris not know how to do that? If she knew how, she would think she didn’t want to die.

Both Eris and him were drifting apart because they couldn’t find their purpose. If each makes up for the other’s shortcomings....

Maybe we need each other. The idea was almost confirmed when Alecto said he was taking Helena as a partner to his sister’s debutante prom.

“..So, I’m going to take Helena to your sister’s debutante ball.”

After saying those words, Alecto seemed to pay attention to Jason for a moment. But Jason was obsessed with other thoughts.

There was no way Eris would give up in the Kazar family’s debutante ball. If she couldn’t become a princess, her next best choice would be him. Even at her coming-of-age ceremony, she held out her hand, to him.

Are you okay? Jason did not realize why Alecto had asked him such a question.